Aching need for salvation
by Neshomeleh
Summary: Evan feels bad, doesn't know why and is alone in his struggling. Hank and Evan have some problems caused by the relationship with Emily... oh and just when you think there is no hope: Eddie shows up! But is he really bringing the peace Evan needs? And who will be there if Evan finds no way out of the darkness that surrounds him? Maybe he is just losing his mind? - My very first one
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Evan woke up late this morning. He felt bad – again. Getting up had become harder for him since... well, fact was he couldn't remember when all of this had started. Keeping up with days, dates and times had never been a problem for him. He was the master of numbers and deadlines. But lately...

No matter how he felt, the clock said 10:30 am and he had to get up. He jumped in his clothes and left his room, then entering the bathroom. He used the toilet and washed his hands without soap. When he was a child, he always had the water run so it sounded like he was washing his hands. But with growing up he had finally understood the meaning and importance of washing his hands and never missed it. Never until maybe a week or so ago. For a short moment he looked at his hands and reconsidered the soap-thing, but didn't do it. One look in the mirror. Thinking of shaving, styling his hairs, but for some reason he couldn't care less.

He went downstairs to the kitchen and saw Hank with Emily by his side, both had their attention on the newspaper. They didn't hear him coming. Only when he poured the coffee in his cup and went to their table right in front of them, they noticed he was there. "Hey Evan, we were starving and had breakfast without you. Emily didn't want me to wake you, she was worried about you."

"Sure, she was!" Evan didn't realize he said it loud.

"Listen, you got up late and this is **not** the first time! But you say, you're alright and I have to believe you. But spare me your sarcasm! Emily really meant well."

"Don't waste your time on him, baby. He's just in a bad mood. And he doesn't believe you 'cos he still thinks I want to harm your career."

"I know what I know and one of these days I'm gonna prove it."

"Evan!"

"Yeah, sorry Hank."

"I'm not the one you should apologize to."

"Sorry" He pressed the word out as if it was some sort of poison that could kill all life within a second once it met the air. "_You bitch... I will be happy to escort you out of our life, once I can prove you're a false snake." _Evan thought.

Emily whispered to Hank "What do you think about dinner at my house, so we can enjoy ourselves without any..." then a meaningful glance at Evan "...without any distraction or bad karma around?"

"Sounds good to me." Hank left the house with her. He kissed her goodbye and she finally left and he came back.

Evan looked at him and saw concern and confusion in his brothers face. How wrong he was! He was shocked hearing the angry tone in the sharp voice that bellowed "Evan R. Lawson! We need to talk! And believe, me you won't like it!"


	2. Chapter 2

"If you want to ruin your life with this witch by your side, just do it!" Evan yelled at his brother. "But don't expect me to just sit still and watch!"

"Emily is my girlfriend and I don't want you to scare her away with one of your paranoid made up stories!"

"Oh, now I'm paranoid? Well, go on! Are there any more diagnoses you want to throw at me?!"

"If you wanna know! I think you suffer from a rare and dangerous form of mental deficiency! That always gets you in trouble, but worse, it gets ME in trouble and I'm tired of it... It's MY life and I can't just plan it around you!"

"Stop! Hold on right there, Henry!" Evan looked his brother deep in the eyes. "You have yelled at me for over an hour now, you've been unfair and insulting! Now you're going on a path that you shouldn't even think about!"

"Now Evan R. Lawson, the loser in school, the one who never finished anything, because he just can't hold his attention on one thing for longer than a couple of days, the careless guy that thinks everything will work out fine without any effort is giving me the smart ass brother poem and look!"

"I have a college degree, Henry! And I told you to stop!"

"Oh yeah, the great accountant!" Hank laughed sarcastically. "No wait! Even better: the CFO of HankMed!"

"I work hard for this company to help you being successful!"

"No, no, no, Evan! Don't give me that! You lost a lot of our money! You do things for yourself and not for me!" Hank wasn't able to stop himself, ignored the hurt in his brothers eyes. "The only way you got your college degree was that you like numbers and that my friend just proves what I often say! You like numbers because all you care about is money, and that makes you just like your damn father!"

Evan stared at him! He felt like a baseball bat was hitting him. His hands went to his side as if to see if his ribs were broken. _It must be what Hank said – it just hurts me and now it feels like physical pain, but it feels so real! _He panicked, but tried to hide it. Suddenly the image of a bat that was crashed into someones body flashed through his mind. "No" he whispered.

"Evan?" For a moment all the anger in Hank was gone. His younger brother was standing there pale, almost in agony..."You're okay?"

"Yes.." There was another image, the same person lying on the floor, blood on his hands.

"Sure?"

Evan tried to pull back to reality. "Yeah! Do you call me a liar now? Well, after all you threw at me today, I guess a LIAR is a compliment."

"Emily was right! I shouldn't even waste my time reasoning with or caring for you!"

"Fine, then just go to here! Let her take the rest of you! She's gonna reach her goal and you are a willing victim – so just leave and run to her! Tell her about your stupid brother, the greedy brainless loser. I hope she doesn't worry too much 'bout me after you and her had a good laugh!"

"If that's what you want! I'm gone! Don't expect me back soon!"

"Good! I thought you'd never leave!"

Hank left the house without another word or glance at his brother.

Evan faced the wall with his back. Shaking in anger and pain. Not knowing what just happened. Sliding down to the floor he never stopped looking at the door that let his brother disappear a few moments ago. Hanks voice in his head _all you care about is money... like your father._ How could Hank say such a thing after all they went through?

"I always said you were a loser!"

Evan looked around, but couldn't see the man that was talking to him.

"Look at him! No wonder I got sick." Now it was a woman talking!

But again there was nobody. Evan got up and walked through the house to find the people that were talking to him. He was alone and it wasn't the first time. He had heard those voices in the last weeks again and again, different places and same people, but nobody around. _I'm crazy! That's it! I finally lost it!_

"No! Not again!"

Evan pressed himself in the corner of the room, when he thought the door would open. A woman and two men pulled him out of the corner. An elbow hit his back and caused him to double over. Someone kicked his butt and he stumbled forward. He reached out with his hands to stop the fall, but there was a cracking sound in his left wrist. He moaned in pain and fell on the floor.

"Be careful! Don't get him bruised where everybody can see it!" the woman said.

The three kept kicking and beating his body for a couple of minutes. He was in so much pain that he couldn't think. Finally he closed his eyes just hoping the attack would soon end. He heard their laughs, but when he opened his eyes nobody was there. The door was closed. _Where are they? They're still here! Sure waiting for me to beat me up again, when I feel save. I gotta get out here! _

He tried to get up, but couldn't make it so he tried to pull himself forward too the door. It was a waste of energy. He kept lying near the door excepting whatever would happen. Panic was coming back, but none of his attacker. He started crying, tears running down his face. _Please don't let that happen! I don't want to lose my mind, not before I can talk to Hank! I must call him, tell him I'm sorry!_

Shaking hands kept searching his phone. When he finally found it, he called his brothers number. _Paranoid... made up stories... money... like your father! _Hank picked up and Evan hung up without saying a word. He was angry at his brother for saying such things. Sadness and hurt filled his heart and mind. He never felt more alone than now. Convulsive sobbing took over him. He screamed his brothers name, followed by a soft whisper: "Please come home, I need you."


	3. Chapter 3

**I think I forgot to say that I don't own Royal Pains, Hank, Evan, Emily, the Hamptons (too bad) etc.**

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Hank was still mad at his younger brother when he left the last patient of the day and drove to Emily. His mood didn't get any better in the car. Every driver around seemed to be crazy today. They were either too slow or too fast. "Oh come on!" He said in frustration. _Calm down, Henry. It's not their fault._

He arrived at Emily's house, but didn't leave the car. _What's wrong with Evan? He's always different, but this... I wish I'd understand you._ Hank sighed and got out of the car, when he saw Emily's car coming. "Hey, it's the first time I'm too early."

She got out of the car and smiled at him. "No Hank, it's the first time I'm late."

"Well, it's never too late for this," he said and kissed her long, longer than usually.

"Wow! What was that?"

"I had a bad day. Too much?"

She put her arms around him and pulled him to the door. "Not enough." She smiled, kissed him and pushed him in the house without leaving his lips for a second.

Hank loved her lips. They were warm, full and soft. His hands ran down her spine. She felt so good. "Skip Dinner?" he asked, his mouth still on hers.

Emily's phone rang before she could answer. She looked at the number, smiled at him and answered the call. "Dr. Emily Peck." She mouthed him not to leave and walked to another room.

Hank looked after her, but as soon as she was out of sight, his brother was back in his thoughts. Evan had changed a lot in the last weeks. He often looked restless... Evan has always been kind of hyperactive, but this new restlessness was different. It must be deep inside of him, because Hank had seen it in his eyes more than once. Then again he found his brother more and more quiet. _Sad. He's sometimes so sad. I should call him._

He reached into his bag and got his phone. Evan had called him earlier, but as soon as Hank had answered, the call was cut off. _That's just so Evan!_ Just thinking about that silly behavior brought the anger back. But still... he wanted to call his brother. But how could he call Evan without letting him know, he was worried? He didn't want to make it too easy for him. Evan should still learn his lesson. Hank thought about a silly reason to call at home, something that had nothing to do with Evan, but would give him the chance to hear his little brother.

His thoughts were interrupted by Emily. She was back and smiled at him. "Sorry, it took so long. He just wouldn't stop talking."

"A patient? Something important?"

Emily looked up like she had been caught doing something forbidden. "Uh..no! No, just your eh my... my insurance agent." She flushed and turned away from him. "Let's cook."

Hank was confused. Why was she so nervous? "Emily, who was it?"

"Sorry, Hank. It really was my insurance agent. He just had some bad news. He leaves his company and I get a new agent."

He wasn't sure what to think. "Oh, and I guess you were very happy with him..?"

"Yes! He is not just my agent, he's a good friend and a patient and moves to Boston." She knew that she had made a bad mistake, but she tried to convince him that it was as she said. "I'm sorry for my strange reaction. I was shocked... somehow."

Hank decided to let it go. _...false snake... that was what Evan had said... maybe he's right.. but he is jealous that I can't spend as much time with him. _He kissed her. "It's okay, baby. Let's cook and then I'll help you to forget your agent." They kissed again and Hanks frustration of the day was gone. It was easy to relax with Emily.

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**This chapter took a couple of days. Evan-stuff comes easier to me... Dunno y:)**


	4. Chapter 4

Evan had stayed on the floor for three hours before he got up and walked to the couch. That has been several hours ago now. He hadn't eaten all day and the only thing he had drunken was the coffee when he woke up. He didn't move since he came to the couch. It was already dark outside, but the CFO was staring at the same point on the ceiling that he had chosen when he first sat down on the couch.

It was already close to midnight, when he started drifting to sleep. But before he could drift into a deep sleep, he was awaken by a male voice. "Don't forget your medicine!" Evan sat up and stared at the door. Then there was the voice again. "Your medicine is in your notebook bag."

_What medicine? What is he talking about? And who is he!? _Evan turned his had around, sure the man was standing behind him, but nobody was there. He got up and walked through the room, but couldn't find anyone. When he passed the corner where his new desk stood, his eyes stopped at his notebook. _In your notebook bag... _He didn't know why, but his eyes wandered down the desk till the notebook bag came in sight. His legs felt weak, but he just had to go there.

He walked to his room, the bag in his hands. Evan sat down on his bed, ready to open the bag, but he was nervous and his hands were shaking and he couldn't get them to work the way he wanted. He closed his eyes and took two deep breaths. His hands were still shaking, but he got more control over them and opened the bag. It was empty. _Sure, my notebook is on my desk. _He felt somewhat relieved. Then he saw the outlines of something in the small inside pocket. Sweat covered his forehead, his hands... no his whole body, the shaking got worse again. His fingers touched the pocket, opened it carefully and slowly and got all things out that were in there.

"No!" it was an almost voiceless whisper. He stared at the syringes, the vials and the pillbox in his hands. He didn't know where those things came from. _How did this get here? I didn't buy this stuff! What is it? _Evan felt a panic attack coming up. He didn't need any medication. Sure he had some allergies and had an Epi pen and some other stuff, but nothing like this. He put the things on his bed and opened the pillbox. The pills were gray and had some yellowish spots on them. Nothing he had ever seen looked this way.

_Hank knows what this is. Where is my phone? _He looked around for it and remembered that it was still lying on the floor right at the door. He grabbed all the stuff and left it on the table in their living room before he went to get his phone.

Evan got back and placed himself on the couch. He looked at the pills again and at the blackish blue liquid in the five vials. His finger wanted to press the call button on his phone, but his eyes were on the syringes and he put the phone down again to touch the medical items on the table. He closed his eyes and his fingertips felt every detail of them. _Are you crazy, Evan?! Get a grip on yourself and call Hank! _He took the phone again, but there was the voice again. "Take one of your pills and calm down, Evan." He turned around only to find himself alone in the room – again!

"No!" He said it loud, though he didn't know why. Maybe he thought it could help to keep his sanity.

"You really should listen to me, boy! Hank won't like it, if you don't take your medicine and gonna be messed up tomorrow. You know he wants to know about the current financial situation of HankMed."

"Who are you?" A big part of Evan thought he was losing his mind, but some small piece hoped he was okay and there was really someone with him that just was just hidden somewhere so he couldn't see him. _Of course there is someone! Probably the same person that put the drugs in my notebook bag! _His panic mixed up with paranoia now. He was scared and looked around. But nobody was there. He could see a new water bottle on a small table in the corner. He got up and grabbed it. Thinking about the way he felt, like someone was stalking him and being close to him to hurt him, his brothers words came back..._paranoid...Hank had told me I'm paranoid, maybe I really need this meds and forgot to take them. That's probably why I hear those voices and …. _

He put the bottle and his phone in his pockets and took the stuff from the table to bring it all to his room. He decided to call his brother from there. He closed the door behind him and hoped he could call his brother now without the knowledge of the other person in the house. But as soon as he reached his bed the voice was back again. "Now take your pill."

Evan didn't want to and tried to get his phone out of the pocket. As soon as he got his phone out he wanted to call Hank. But there was the voice again. "Don't call him! He will be mad at you! Take your pill!" This time it was like the voice was next to him and he dropped the phone. But Evan was still alone. "NO!" he screamed and went down on his knees. "Please stop!"

The voice wouldn't stop, it kept repeating "Take your pill!" over and over again. And now it came from everywhere in the room. Evan pulled his blanket from his bed and tried to hide under it. But the voice was still there. He put fingers in his ears, but the voice was getting louder and he couldn't get away from it. He cried in fear, felt like he couldn't breath anymore. For a moment he tried to focus on numbers to get over the panic and in hope the voice would just disappear. But it was hopeless. The man that talked to him was angry now. "Take your pills, idiot! You can't get away! If you don't take them yourself, I'm gonna make you take them and I'll let you pay for it!"

Evan's body was shaking uncontrollable, he was sobbing and even though he tried, he couldn't get back to the numbers again, his head felt empty and light, but at the same time heavy and filled with the voice in his room. He finally gave up and took two of the pills and washed them down with the water. He laid down on his bed now, still shaking and sobbing, his face showed panic and horror, his clothes were wet from all the sweat, but his eyes were the scariest part. Everyone who could see him like this right now would have been shocked – his eyes rolled from blue to white and to blue back to white and so on. Evan kept whispering words that nobody could hear and after a while nothing he said made sense anymore. He even started laughing, but it was not his usual hearty laugh, this one was from a man that didn't know what was going on, a man that felt more horror than he could deal with. He laughed like insane people did. People he had seen in movies or TV shows. And at the very same time he cried heavy tears and was lost in this place of insanity. The thoughts of Hank where far away now and he didn't even feel himself anymore. It was like all what made him Evan was gone...


	5. Chapter 5

Hank woke up from a restless sleep. It was still dark outside, he couldn't have slept longer than two hours. Something felt strange, he didn't feel home... turning around he saw Emily sleeping next to him. _Sure! Of course she's there – how could I forget? _He shook his head and wondered about himself. He reached out for his phone. Somehow he had a feeling that there had to be a message from Evan. But there wasn't and instead of relief he felt worry coming up. _You're silly, Hank! Waking in the middle of the night and worrying about Evan 'cos he didn't leave a message for you! Hell, it's dark outside and Evan is asleep! Of course there is no message for you, especially after your fight in the morning. _Hank knew his mind was right, but his stomach and his heart just didn't believe his thoughts.

He went to the restroom and put some fresh cold water on his face. It made him feel a bit better. A look in the mirror showed him the tired expressions on his face. Of course, he was still sleepy. He didn't have a long sleep and the little he had wasn't really peaceful. There were no nightmares, but this feeling all along that something bad was going to happen.

He went back to the bedroom and tried to get dressed in the dark. Emily woke up, when he was almost finished. "What are you doing, Hank?" she asked, when she noticed he was in the room with her, but not in the bed next to her.

"I think I'm driving home. I wanted to leave a note for you."

"Why?"

"To let you know that I'm gone."

"I understand that, baby. My question was why you want to leave?"

"Oh, it's really nothing. I just didn't sleep well and figured it wouldn't help your sleep, when I would lie here tossing and turning."

"I see, but there is something else on your mind, isn't it?"

"No...yeah..."

"Okay" she got next to him and kissed his forehead. "You make yourself comfortable on the couch and I'll make us some tea, then we sit down and talk about it."

"No, you can go back to sleep and I drive home, it's no big deal."

"Hank, you don't leave, we'll talk. You just have to accept my help, if we want this relationship to work. Got it?

"Got it! Thank you, Em." He kissed her.

Emily left to the kitchen and Hank waited in her living room. Thinking about how sweet it was of her and wondering again, why his brother didn't like her. Sure she was very ambitious, more than he himself was, but then again... she was born to a family that always had money and so it was just natural that she tried to make a lot of money herself to maintain her exclusive lifestyle.

Right when she had entered the kitchen she had sent a text message with her phone. Now she was waiting for the water. She didn't want Hank to leave. _I have to calm him down somehow, it's probably Evan that keeps him awake. _She got herself a peppermint tea and a calming tea for Hank.

He looked up, when she offered him a glass. "Here's your tea, honey," she said and got to his side on the couch.

"Thanks. I don't really know what's wrong, I'm just nervous and... well restless. It's Evan, I can't stop thinking about him."

"So I thought." She smiled encouraging, but inside she wasn't happy that this brother-thing was a constant problem in their relationship, or so she felt. _The ass is so annoying even when he's not around. That drives me nuts._

"Well, yeah. He has lost a bit weight. Have you noticed?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I don't know what's wrong with him. He says he's not sick and I guess I just have to believe him. But even if it's not an illness, something is just not right. He is restless, too and then again he seems kinda depressed. You know I love him, but there are just times that he really drives me crazy. And lately there have been a lot of such days. Other than business we hardly don't talk anymore and if, there is just so much tension and frustration and annoyance, so it just leads into discussions and fights that leave me with even more anger. I try to think 'he's just having a bad time', but that doesn't help me deal with it better. I try to stay calm, but I just can't, when I find him careless and not concentrating on what I'm telling him about work. He seems to be so far away with his thoughts. And there is the way he treats you, like you're poisoning my mind. I don't like that he talks about and with you the way he does."

"Let me bring you another tea and then I tell you what I think, ok?" She head to the kitchen. He was more awake than before, but she needed to have him a bit more relaxed. When she prepared the next tea, she just added a few drops of a homeopathic tranquilizer, nothing strong that would put him to sleep, just something to help him calm down and the rest of convincing would be up to her.

He started drinking the new tea as soon as he got it. "So, what do you think?"

"Baby, I think you shouldn't worry about Evan so much. I know he's your brother and you try to take care of him, but he's a grown man. Yeah, he doesn't act like one, but he is old enough to take responsibility. You're his brother and his friend, I guess, but you're not his father and it's not your job to watch him like a baby. It's time for him to make his own mistakes, let him fall and get up on his own, that's the only way he can learn about life."

"I don't know, I know he's immature, but he has moments when he actually acts as an adult. But you're right anyway. I often act like his father, because I had to take care of him so early in our lives and you know about Eddie. He's not really the kind of father that Evan needs. Just think about the money he wanted from Evan."

"But truth is, baby, that Evan gave it to him and he was the one that took it from you. I sometimes think you forget that."

"I don't forget it and I let Evan know, but in a way I still see it as Eddie's fault. He hasn't spent much time with my brother and if he did, he just used him to get information about me and my life or he put him in a situation that caused trouble. Evan just wants to be loved by our father so badly that he's not always thinking about the things he does for or with him." He drank the rest of his tea and yawned. "I admit though, how very tired I am of Evan. For weeks it's even getting worse."

"Maybe you just need some distance."

"Well, that's not easy done. We work and live together and it's not like I would tell him to move out, he's still my baby brother and I love him and he didn't betray me or gave me any other reason to tell him to pack his bags."

"I know and I didn't mean anything close to that. Maybe you could just go to your house for business and stay here for the nights or the time off. I guess a week or so will give you some space to think about things and how you should go on."

"That's very nice, Emily, but I'm not sure. Evan won't like it."

"But it's not up to him to decide it, Hank. I want to be with you and I want to be here for you when you need me; right now I think you do."

"You know what? I think you're right. When I'm at the house tomorrow I get some stuff and stay with you for a couple of days. We'll see what happens."

She smiled. "And there is another good reason for you to do so."

"What is it?"

"I can do this for you every evening." She kissed his neck and got on her knees, turned his back more in her direction and started a massage.

"I'd like it." Hank could feel himself relaxing. Emily helped him out of his shirt and massaged him again. She would stop now and then to kiss his back, but when she followed his spine with the tip of her tongue, he closed his eyes and forgot his brother.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for all the nice and encouraging reviews. I will try not to disappoint you and to update as fast as I can. And Missi, I'm sorry you're confused a bit. I couldn't answer you somehow, but I would be happy if you send me a private message in German. Ich bin auch Deutsche und kann dir vielleicht ein bißchen helfen:)**

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Evan was still trapped in the place where his mind had gone. There were lights... flashes in different colors, but mostly darkness. Not just darkness, more blackness and he could hear voices and screams that he didn't understand, but they frightened him. Every clear thought was washed away with emptiness as soon as it was formed in his head. He could hear himself babbling, but instead of words there were only meaningless noises coming from his mouth.

He heard the door to his room. Someone was coming close to him, but his eyes wouldn't let him look up to the man. The voice that he has heard so often talked to him again. "Time for your injection!"

Evan tried to protest, but instead he felt silliness filling his head and he started giggling. There were hands on his body that turned him around. "You need to do it yourself, you know that, nobody's here to do it for you." The words were heard, but not comprehended. "Come on boy, look at me." Evan opened his eyes, but all was blurry and he wasn't able to see anyone, only a hand grabbing his. Then he felt something, the syringes and the vials. The other hand helped him to pick up one of each and then got his hands together.

The CFO of HankMed tried to get rid of the insanity he felt, but it was just too strong. He couldn't stop giggling, although an alarm was ringing very deep in his subconscious. He removed the cap from the needle and got the fluid out of the vial, always feeling the help from a strangers hands. "Now do it!"

The order was the first thing he could really comprehend, but he tried to protest again. All that came out was a soft: "No."

"You know you need it. Do it!"

It was dark, but Evan knew where his brother would always inject him on his arm. He found the spot, or at least thought so. "ganot" he whispered.

"Of course you can! You're doing it for two months now! Your arm is just not a good idea. Hank will see it and you get in trouble, but I think we can do it this way for once." The voice was cold now.

Evan fought, he didn't want to do it, but his mind was just too out of it, thinking was still impossible and the voice got angry and seemed to come from everywhere again. "Do it! Do it! Do it! It will make you forget and feel better! Hank won't know!" As the words were repeated they filled his brain. He finally gave in and pushed the needle in his arm, drawing some blood. Then feeling too weak to go on. The voice changed in an icy and scaring tone. "Push it!" Evan felt like screaming, but his head was a cloud and he seemed as he didn't know how to do it.

So he just did as the voice said and pushed the liquid into his vein. He could feel it as it was going its way through his body. It made him shiver and he felt even worse than before. He was babbling again and he felt like his body wouldn't belong to him anymore. Deep inside he knew that the voice was still talking to him, telling him what to do with the used syringe, but even though his eyes were open he couldn't see anyone, all was blurry. He felt his hands and legs moving, but he wasn't in control. All he did was ordered by the voice in his head.

It wasn't long after he got back to bed that he started sobbing uncontrollable, only interrupted by insane laughs and screaming for his brother. The voice was gone again and Evan was alone, but truth to be told, his mind was gone too, all that was left was an empty body.


	7. Chapter 7

_He couldn't see anything, couldn't go anywhere and the man that had followed him for over an hour now would find him very soon. 'Maybe not, if I can't see I guess neither can he.' He immediately knew that he was wrong, when a strong arm pulled him back and a hand was pressed over his mouth and nose. Whatever he tried wasn't enough to get free and he couldn't breathe anymore. There was dizziness, soon he couldn't feel his body anymore and his heart, that had beaten very fast before the attack, worked slower as his lungs were screaming for air. The man left and he fell on the floor gasping for air, but with every breath something came from the outside and filled his lungs. "Oh God!" he screamed or rather tried to and then he could see light and it hurt his eyes. The thought of heaven crossed his mind, but his lungs started to hurt and his throat felt worse..._

….and then he rolled on his side and puked. He obviously had thrown up before while he was panicking in his dream. He got his used shirt from the floor and cleaned his mouth and chin. Retching always made him feel sicker and caused dizziness. And if things weren't bad enough, his brother had come home and called for him. He sat up and told his brother: "I'm in my room," and regretted it right after it came out. Footsteps came closer and his door opened.

"Evan, I wa-..." His brother stopped, looking at the vomit on the floor and his pale sweating brother sitting in the bed. "What the hell...?!

"Don't worry, Hank." Evan got up and tried to touch his brothers arm or shoulder.

"Are you kidding me?!" Hank grabbed his brothers arm, because he was swaying and looked even paler than he had a minute ago. "Do you feel sick?"

"Nah, I probably ate something wrong last night..." he lied; reality was that he could hardly see his brother through the blur, focusing was almost impossible, too. _I can't remember when I felt so dizzy before. I never felt this bad... well once maybe, a few years ago. _His brother was talking to him, but he couldn't hear a word.

Hank's light anger was worry now and it grew with every second he looked at his brother. Evan was struggling, it was obvious that he wanted to say something, but all he did was bend over and vomiting again. Hank has tighten his grip and most what left his brothers mouth was covering his shirt now, some of it got on his face. But he had no time to be disgusted, because Evan's body started to shake heavily and out of his mouth came an constant "nn...nnnn...nnnn" as he tried to say no. Hank couldn't hold him any longer. All he was able to do was helping his little brother down to the floor, trying to calm him and watching him carefully to prevent any self-harm. The seizure was mild, but still came as a shock and Dr. Hank Lawson hasn't been prepared. His brother was moaning and screaming in pain and then lost consciousness, his pulse racing.

"Evan?" Hank was torn between calling Divya or holding on to his brother, but he couldn't call Divya anyway, she was on vacation far away in India visiting some cousins. "Evan?" Hank was still in shock, but able to focus on the body in front of him. He was just going to lift his brothers shirt, when a soft moaning started. "Hey, welcome back, kiddo."

"H..Hen..ry?!" Evan wondered when his brother had come in and why he was kneeling on the floor by his side. _And why am I lying here?!_ He was confused and tried to sit up, but the fast move made him dizzy and feeling sick again and there was this pain all over his body...his back, his ribs, his chest, his kidneys.. all was hurting. "Don't touch me!" he yelled at his brother, when he thought the doctor would lift his shirt now.

Hank watched his brother, looking for every detail that could tell him what was wrong with Evan, when the words hit him so hard that he felt physical pain. "It's okay, I wanna check if you hurt yourself and.."

"No, don't." He knew his words were hurting the older one, but he couldn't have him look on his body. "Sorry, I didn't mean... I don't have any pain, just a little headache, but can you help me get up and take a look on my head?" Evan knew he had to give his brother something to take care of, to stop him from his big-brother-doctor-behavior. _What would he hope to find under my shirt? There isn't anything to see! Is that so? Then why don't you let him have his look?!_ There was the confusion again. He had yelled at his brother to not touch him and now he didn't even know why.

Hank helped him up and to his bed. "Lay down, I get you some water, a towel and new shirts for both of us."

That was the first moment Evan took a good look at his brother. "Oh, your shirt! It's the one... oh man, I'm so sorry, Henry!"

"Yeah, it is.. or rather was the one that Emily got me in Toronto. But nothing to worry about. I really didn't like it that much."

"That's not true. You told me how good it felt. And it just fit you so well. Emily is gonna kill me!"

"Maybe!" He smiled. "It's not my only shirt, don't get gray hair over it." He left the room to get all the things he wanted to bring.

Evan used the time he was gone to hurry and get a fresh shirt for himself and to change before Hank was coming back. Walking wasn't easy and he made it back just in time to see the door open. "You don't need a shirt for me, I've already changed."

"Did you get up?"

"No, I had it already lying here – you know me."

"Eh.." The big brother didn't believe one word. "Okay, but here is some wet towel for you to clean yourself a bit, not that you have anything from your mess left on you, but still... and let me check for fever and your head." He had his bag with him. _There is no fever, I'd say he is too cold _and the beeping thermometer proved him right._ That's very low for him especially with the sun shining on his bed. I wish he'd let me check his body. _But he knew better than pushing his brother to do things he didn't want to do. "Have you hit your head before?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"Well, I held you when you got down on the floor and the wound on your silly bowl is bleeding a bit. But most of it is dry blood, so it must be a bit older. But nothing some cleaning and rest can't repair."

"Okay." He touched his brothers hand before he could clean the wound. "Thank you, I'm glad you're here."

Hank cleared his throat. "No Problem, I'm glad too." _That I came in time. What is wrong with you? I wish we could run some tests on you, but you're so stubborn. Please, let me help you. _"I know it hurts some, but it doesn't take long."

"Hank? I'm sorry for yesterday. Are we okay? Please!"

"Evan, I believe you are, but I think an apology isn't doing it this time."

"But..."

"No Evan, I don't want to go in a fight with you now. You're in no condition to do so. I'll clean your room, while you try to rest some more." His younger brother knew when to stop. And he really didn't feel up for discussions.

Hank left the room to get some cleaning items. But first he took his phone and called the only patient of the day to tell her that he'll be there after dinner. The elderly woman didn't mind the delay. He hung up and closed his eyes for a moment to take a deep breath and let out a sigh. _Are we okay? Oh boy, you don't know how much I wish it was that easy. I'd have every test running on you to find out what's wrong with you. You would argue, but I could live with it as long as I could help you feel better. _"But things are different now," he said and called another number.

"Hey baby, there is a problem and I might be late or even stay here for the night. Please, call me back." This day was a real bad one. He hated talking to machines, but it was part of life and as doctor there was no chance of being without phone, cell phone, computer etc. And being a concierge doctor in the Hamptons meant being available 24/7. His phone rung and he could see that it was Emily.

"Emily, I'm glad you made it fast. I already miss you."

"Baby, you're cute. I miss you, too. So tell me what happened?" She put a big smile in her voice, but there was none on her faces or in her eyes, Icy cold was all that one could have seen there. It was Evan again and she knew it the moment she listened to the message. _This little bastard! I could kill him right now! _

She listened as her partner talked about Evan and what had happened since he was there. He didn't want to leave him alone and the only appointment was delayed to the after-dinner-time. All she could say without losing her temper was: "I know you're worried about him, but maybe it was just a one-time-seizure. For all we know he could have been to a party last night or just having a drink too much."

"I don't think that he was out, but you're probably right. I just stay here till dinner and see how's doing then. If he's okay, I come to you."

"That's a good idea, but I'll be there anyway, Boris and I have an appointment and after that I could come over to your house."

"Sounds good. I can't wait." He felt better now, hung up, got all he needed and entered his brothers room.

Evan was lying on his side and his eyes were closed, but he wasn't sleeping. He had heard that Hank had called Emily. "Is she coming?"

"Who?"

"The snake."

"Evan! Don't even start it..." Hank took a deep breath. "Yes, Emily has an appointment with Boris so it's no problem for her."

The younger men didn't say anything. He closed his eyes. _It's always that bitch. I wish I could open his eyes. Try to stay calm, if you don't want to lose him to her. Lose him. I can't... he's my brother. I'm alone without him. _Evan swallowed and tried to keep the tears from running down his face.

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My next chapter will be on soon and it will be much more about Evan again and what is happening to him. This chapter was somehow difficult for me, but stay with me, Evan has a long way to go and it was just beginning.


	8. Chapter 8

Hank was preparing a light dinner for Emily, Evan and himself. Nothing special, because truth to be told – his brother was the cooking genius. Hank didn't know where he had learned such things, but he certainly enjoyed his brothers meals.

Emily sat on a chair nearby and watched him. They had talked about his brothers behavior and health issues since she had come to the Lawsons house. Hank was very worried, but she could help him relax and convinced him to just wait a couple of days to see, if things would be better then. If they wouldn't, he still had enough time to work things out. It wasn't easy, but Hank finally agreed.

While the male doctor finished the rest of the cooking, the female doctor cleaned the kitchen. Evan was still in his room. He hadn't left it since the morning. Emily had some stuff for the trash can and opened it, but she didn't threw the stuff in it, something caught her attention. There were two empty whiskey bottles. She turned to her boyfriend. "Hank? Did you drink something since our breakfast yesterday?"

He was surprised. "Why? Sure, I had some water, coffee, tea with you, diet coke and some milk. Why do you ask?"

Emily's fingers ordered him to come over and have a look himself. "Those two haven't been there, when I cleaned up before breakfast yesterday morning. I guess we now know why your brother feels so sick today and why he's acting strange lately."

"You don't think he drank that much last night, do you?"

"Well, I don't know, if he drank all of it alone, but he obviously had enough to make him pretty sick. That would explain the dizziness and the vomiting and the mood changes. You have to talk to him about it and see if he's honest with you and if not..."

"Whoa whoa..." Hank interrupted. "Are you implying Evan has a problem? I mean it's him we're talking about, my silly younger brother."

"Baby, I know it's hard for you, but if I'm right, your brother needs professional help that neither of us is able to give."

Hank was shocked. Not so much about the words, more about the fact that Emily could be right. But he didn't want to believe it so easily. "Wait, having a couple of drinks too much doesn't make him a drinker."

"I know you don't want to hear it, Hank, but there is another reason why I believe that this is the reason for his latest actions."

"What is it?"

"You told me that your father was an alcoholic. And you know that children of alcoholics are at a greater risk to become one, too."

"I said my father had drunken a lot, might be that he had a problem with it, but Evan was so young, when Dad left and he handled alcohol very well except a few times. I will admit that he had an alcohol poisoning in his teenage years, but those years were really hard on him and..."

"Yes, and he's having a hard time now! He's not really successful on his own, he's still depending on you, don't you see that? Our relationship gives him some trouble too. I think he's jealous and doesn't like to share you – especially with me, the woman he hates so much. I don't know why he feels that way, maybe because things with you and me are becoming serious."

"That's true, but I... I don't know."

"I understand, baby, I do, but believe me it's better for him if you realize what's going on and let him get some sort of help. You know, him and I don't get along too well, but I care an awful lot for you. He can really mess things up for you, if he has an alcohol problem. Some people in the Hamptons are already annoyed by him and his silly, arrogant personality..."

"Arrogant? Evan? Sure, he's a bit annoying and talks too much about his job and himself. It's just nervousness and the wish to be accepted, but arrogance? No!"

"Well, it's not what I said, it's what people think and talk about him. Anyway, if you let him be in touch with your wealthy patients and he is drunken, it could be the end of HankMed."

"You don't want me to send him away, do you? I mean, if he has a problem? I want to help him and not reject him."

"I know, but you'd help him best, if you send him to a special clinic, where they can take care of his problem. Just long enough to help him solve the troubles that cause his drinking. When he makes it without drinking for a couple of weeks or months, you can help him. He can slowly start working for you again. You've worked too hard for this business and your reputation. And think about me. You can imagine what people, especially Boris say when they find out that I as a doctor have a relationship with a doctor whose drunken brother tells everybody he's the CFO of HankMed. We both have a lot to lose! Don't get me wrong, I'll stay with you, but we have to make sure, he gets help before he can destroy our businesses and lifes."

Hank didn't know what to say, he was too much in his own thoughts. And Emily didn't mind, she was glad about the doubts she has created, but she didn't show it to Dr. Hank Lawson who was now further away from his brother than ever before. They sat down for dinner and he called for Evan, but his brother didn't show up. He decided to talk to him after dinner, when Emily would leave.


	9. Chapter 9

I thank all of you for reading the story and a special thank for the reviews. I'm sorry that the last chapter was obviously too short for a reviewer. I apprecciate your review anyway, but think that not every chapter has enough in it to use 1500/2000 or even more words. It's my first fanfiction that I write for other people than myself and it's not my native language, so just bare with me, friends. I try my best to make you happy:)

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Emily left twenty minutes after dinner. Hank promised to follow her after talking to his brother and visiting his patient. He cleaned the table and the kitchen and started the dishwasher. Then he prepared a plate with some dinner and got a water bottle for his younger brother and walked to his room. He knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked again. No answer. He knocked again this time louder. Still no answer.

"Evan?" Hank called, but opened the door without waiting for an answer. The first thing he noticed was a chemical smell that he didn't recognize mixed with the smells of sweat and vomit. He opened a window and took a deep breath before he got on his brothers side and sat down. "Evan? Time to wake up."

Evan sighed. "Sleep!"

"Come on, Evan! You slept the whole day."

"But I'm still tired, Henry!"

"Okay, but I cooked and you know how rare that is. Don't miss your chance, buddy." He held the plate under his brothers nose. "Just for you with all m..." He couldn't finish his sentence. His brother pushed the plate away and bent over to throw up. Hank ignored the food that was on his shirt and jeans now, put the plate down and held his brother with one hand and rubbed his back with the other. "It's okay, just let it all out." He was worried, when he saw that there was some vomit that wasn't from now. "Just take your time and don't forget to breathe."

"Tha..." Evan was gasping for air and shaking. He could feel his brothers arms around him and allowed himself to fall back on Hanks chest. "Thank you," he whispered with closed eyes. "Why are you so wet and warm, Henry?"

"Well, I guess it's the second time you ruined one of my shirts today. What you feel is your dinner." He smiled.

"I'm sorry. Guess it's not the best day to be around me."

"I didn't know there were good ones..."

"Very funny. Can you do something for me?"

"Depends on wh..."

"I'm so cold can you just hold me tighter, please?"

"Of course, Evan." Hank got out of his shirt and laid down, held his brother very close and wrapped the blanket around them. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you." Silent tears fell down his cheeks.

"How are you? I think we stay a couple of minutes this way and then I help you to the couch and clean your room while you make yourself comfortable, I want you drink some tea and water. Maybe food isn't such a good idea today."

"Sounds good." Evan tried to sound smiling, but failed when he tried to joke. "See, this happens when you start cooking, imagine what would have been, if I ate it."

"Yeah..hey, are you crying?"

"No!" He said, but knew he was caught.

"It's okay, Evan. Just close your eyes and listen to me for a bit, will you?" He got a nod from his brother. "I know that I'm sometimes overreacting or unfair and I'm sorry. It's not always because I'm annoyed, you know you're good in that, but I also react this way, when I'm worried about you. It's wrong, but I just can't help it. But you have to understand that you can always count on me, no matter how pissed or stressed I am. You have a problem, you talk to me and we find a way out, that's just the way things work. There isn't anything you can't tell me."

Evan turned around and pulled his arms around his brother. They held each other close. The younger Lawson didn't say anything. He just cried like the sadness and pain of the whole world was washing out of him.

"I'm here, Evan, just let it out." It was hard for Hank to fight his own tears. To see his brother so sad and feel the convulsive body in his arms hurt him deeply. But there was something else causing pain in his heart. The bottles that Emily found, the strange and somewhat aggressive behavior that Evan has shown, the vomit in the room. Now that he held his brother tight, he could feel that he had lost much more weight than thought. _God, he's so thin! I help you and you won't stop me this time. _"Evan, please tell me what's wrong. Are you in trouble?" _Are you drinking?_

"Dunno, but I'll find out. I promise to tell you everything that's going on, if you give me a week or so more to figure a few things out on my own."

_No! That's too long! _But Hank knew pressure wouldn't help and agreed with his brother, promised him to let him do it his way.

"Thank you so very much, Henry. I won't disappoint you!"

"I'm sure, and Evan don't forget that I love you." His words just caused a new wave of tears and he tried to change the subject. "Listen, let's do what I said before about the couch and tea. I have a feeling that we get in trouble with Boris, if don't clean your room soon and we never get this smell out of here again."

"Okay, you're right, but I can help you cleaning."

"Oh no, you can't and you won't, you're in no shape!" Hank was in his "BBGO"-mode. Evan had come up with this in his teenager years. Big brother General's orders-mode. Only one of the silly names he had for his brother.

Hank helped Evan up and brought him to the living room, turned on the television and got to the kitchen to heat some water. He went back to his brothers room and started cleaning. Everything he needed was still standing in the bathroom where he had left it in the morning. He did his work, brought things back and stopped again in the room. He sat down on the bed. His brother had a frame with two pictures of them on his nightstand. One showed them as children. Their mother had taken the pic two years before she died.

_He's excited. He told his parents for months that he would sell his old bike as soon as he got a new one and use the money for the summer camp. And today is the big day! He saved money for two long years now, because the summer camp is his biggest wish and their parents don't have the money. He can hear Ev crying and telling his father that he's always so mean. He goes around the corner to see what the two are talking about. He sees Evan on his knees holding his stomach and asking why Dad doesn't love him. Hank knows that there have been similar situations before and he often asked his parents and Evan what happened, because he always heard the __argument, but saw what was going on. But he will know this time. His father screams at Evan: "You're a pain in my ass! I was out with some friends and had a good time. I need a time out, because you stress me. 'Dad, can we play this or that, can we go there?' Do you think I'm your private entertainer? I work, I try to help your mother and your brother is smart. He needs my attention and support, 'cos he's gonna be somebody. You're just untalented, school is obviously not yours either and you'll never be an important person."_

"_But I try my best to make Mum and you happy and it's not my fault that I'm here."_

"_You were an accident! Stop it! Do you need any more trouble?"_

_Hank sees that Evan holds his stomach even tighter than before... not his stomach, more his side. He can't believe he's father is saying such things to his younger son. Evan looks down. "No, Sir! I had enough. But what about my bike? Did you spend all the money for the time out? If you have some left, we can still buy my bike, can't we? I saved money to surprise you. I helped the people around here with some easy chores and used nothing of the money I got for my birthday. We don't need much more money to buy the bike and..."_

"_Shut up!" Eddie pulls his son up. "I said, we don't buy you a bike. The money is gone! Nothing of your saved money is left! Don't look so stupid, you didn't hide it well enough! I used that money to see the movie with your brother two days ago and to go to a great restaurant with your mother. She enjoyed the food so much and was so thankful that I made this possible. Go out of my way now! It's time to give your brother the new bike! Follow me and try to look happy!"_

_Hank hears and sees the whole scene, but he can't comprehend it – not yet. But now he's running inside the house and waits for his parents to call him outside. When time is finally come the most of his excitement about his new bike is gone, he's feeling a strange kind of sadness and he's feeling sorry for his always annoying little brother, but he smiles for his parents for the pictures they take. His father leaves after a few minutes and Hank talks to his mother in private. They both call his brother._

_Evan comes and hugs his brother and tells him that he's happy for him that he has a new bike and is able now to pay the summer camp he wants to visit. But he's interrupted. "Evan, I'm not going."_

"_Why?"_

"_It's not important anymore." He lies, but he knows that it's the right thing to do._

"_But you saved money and can sell your bike and then you have enough money!"_

"_I won't sell my bike."_

"_Why? You can't drive two bikes!"_

_Hank touches his brothers shoulder and notices for a moment that the sudden touch scares Evan. "I don't need two bikes, but I want you to have my bike. I'm not selling it. It's for you. You are a big boy now and you're my brother, you need a cool bike. You can't meet my friends with your old baby bike."_

_Evan cries, but this time it's because he's happy and feels loved. A feeling that he rarely had in his eight years on earth. Hank helps him on the bike. The boys smile for their mom and she takes the picture._

The second picture was taken on their first party in the Hamptons. But it wasn't important. Hank was touched by the thought that his brother had always liked the old picture so much, while Hank thought there were so many better ones of them. He put the frame back on it's place and got up to make some tea for his brother.

He brought water and tea to Evan and got ready for his patient. "I'll be back in an hour. I try to get some stuff that's easy on your tummy. You need food. I'll call Emily and tell her that I stay here."

"No!" _What are you doing? He wants to stay with you instead of the snake, that's good. But I need time to rest and think and it's best, when I'm alone. _"You've done enough. I'm not hungry, my tummy isn't ready yet. Go and see Emily. I'm sorry, I wasn't nice to her. Don't worry about me. I promise to call, when I need you."

"I don't know, Evan."

"But I do. Do it for me!"

"I don't feel good doing it, but if you promise to call as soon as you feel sick or dizzy or just like throwing up, I'll leave you alone."

"I already promised and I do it again! And you might end up planning a shopping tour with me, if you stay around me any longer. It's already 2:0 for me."

Hank laughed. "Okay, you seem to feel better. Keep the phone close to you and don't forget to call. Anyway, I call you before I go to bed to make sure you're alright."

"Yes, mother hen."

Hank left and Evan stopped smiling. He has been in pain since the moment Hank had waken him. He let out a deep moan.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry, the update took me a few days, but I'm just too sleepy lately, nothing a few pills can't help. But I often thought about poor Evan and was wondering what is happening to him... I hope you do too and we just go a little while longer with him.

* * *

The pain didn't stop, Evan tried to get up and get some painkillers. It was already hard to get on his feet at all, but then he didn't come far. His world was spinning and he had to concentrate very hard to move his feet. One step, he sighed. Two steps, he was swaying. Three steps, the feeling in his legs was gone. The pain got worse before he hit the floor, but was unbearable once he was lying on his side. He tried not to scream, afraid his brother was somehow still in or near the house. A silly thought, but Evan wasn't ready to take the risk. Anyway, he couldn't hold the scream inside, when his whole body began to convulse. His scream was loud and tears were filling his eyes. Evan thought the pain would never stop, but after a few minutes everything went black.

He wasn't out for long. There was still too much pain to even think about moving. Tears were coming back. He felt helpless. _Great, Evan! You sent your brother to the snakes home and now you're lying on the floor and can't move. Oh, and just to prove how right your brother is – you're to stupid to carry the phone with you. _He sighed and hoped that his brother would either come back soon for whatever reason or that he managed to get back to the couch before Hank would be there in the morning. _One can always have hope. _He knew very well how pissed his brother would be, if he'd found him on the floor like this.

His eyes were closed, his head resting on his hands. He was drifting, but before he could fall deep enough to have dreams, he heard a noise. A little disorientated, he had a hard time to find out what he was hearing. Only few seconds later the noise came back. It was one of the voices he had heard before. He couldn't tell how late it was and he knew better, but still asked hoping and scared at the same time: "Hank?" He waited. "Hank, are you back?"

He couldn't see anyone, but felt that someone was watching him. "Hello?"

For a moment he thought there would still be no response. Then he heard the voice again: "You'll pay for what you did!"

"Where are you? WHO are you?"

"What does it matter? I'm here to let you pay!"

"I don't understand... I have some money in my wallet. Take it and go, please! If it's not enough, I can go online and..."

"Don't want your money. I want you to suffer!"

"Why?"

No reply, but a strange feeling. He suddenly knew that someone was standing behind him. He tried to get on his knees to crawl away from the person. But he didn't come far. His eyes looked at some black shoes. He tried to look up and see the man those shoes belonged to. Strong hands on his ankles pulled him back. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get away from the attacker. A new level of pain went through his body, making him cry out.

"You're such baby. And we haven't started, yet." The two men laughed.

The man, that had pulled him away earlier, turned him around now and pulled him up to his feet. Evan tried to get away. Before he could see it, a fist hit him in the stomach. It hurt so bad, that he knew there was more than just the fist. He bent over.

There was not time to recover. The two man grabbed him under his arms and threw him back to the wall. One held him, obviously more to keep him on his feet than to make sure he wouldn't run away. The second one hit him several times in the stomach, in his ribs, on his chest and so on. He was close to pass out, but they wouldn't let him. They held something under his nose.

"We're having fun! And you're our toy, loser!" The men turned him around, he put his head on the wall. _Hank, please help me!_

The next pain came as a surprise. He screamed and didn't stop, because they hit him again and again. _A whip!_ His legs failed him and he got down on his knees. They pulled him around again and brought him to his small desk. He could see the notebook-bag. He didn't know why, but he felt more panic coming. "No, no!"

"You're nothing! The world will be better without you! You're brother will be happier and free as soon as you're gone." The man got a syringe and a vial out of the bag and put it in Evans hand. "Do it!"

"Why?" The youngest Lawson cried. "Please, just let me go!"

"Do it! You're a loser and this is all you're good for!"

Evan hesitated. The other man cracked the whip. Evan knew he had no choice. He filled the syringe with the liquid from the vial. He held the syringe to his arm, but the other man grabbed his wrist. "No! Your chest."

"What?"

The man grabbed his hand, squeezed it and pushed it to his chest (maybe his heart?) and the needle went under the skin. He ordered Evan to do the rest. The liquid was gone and Evan felt the needle leaving his body. It didn't take long. He felt dizzy and his vision became blurred. He tried to crawl away from the men. Already too confused to wonder why they didn't try to stop him. He somehow made it to the couch, finding his phone on the table. But he didn't get to dial.

"Nah, you don't want to do that, do you?"

"Wanna call..."

"Think about it again." The man knelt down beside him. His hands touched Evans cheek and his hair. "Just take a few deep breaths. Let the drug work."

Evan wasn't able to think anymore, he tried to say something, but couldn't. He did what he was told and he got even more confused. No thought could form. His mind seemed to be blank. He felt the man's finger touching him. That made him shiver and he had a last clear moment and tried to get the phone. The man smiled and gave it to him. "Here it is, but you won't call your brother or anyone at all. You're just doing what we want from you." Evan tried to shut the man's voice out. "There is nothing you can do. By now you're too out of it to use the phone. All there is on your mind is – nothing! I guess you don't even know, if you're awake. You're not aware what is happening to you! You feel like the nothing you are!"

Evan let the phone fall. The man was right. He forgot everything, he even smiled while his mind yelled at him to no let go. But it was only for a few seconds. His mind stopped yelling and all that was left was emptiness. When someone gave him a pill and some water to swallow it, he didn't try to fight. He took it and didn't know it. His mind and his body were so separated that he didn't realize that he was brought to his room and what happened there.

Soon the men left. His phone rang. But he just cried and laughed in a crazy way. Babbling to himself. Nobody would have understood it anyway. There were no words, only noises. Wherever Evan's mind was... it certainly was **not** with him.

* * *

I think it's time for Eddie to show up soon, what do you think? Maybe Hank should focus much more on his brother? Will Emily help Evan somehow? Or is Evan going to end up alone in a mental home?


	11. Chapter 11

Emily and Hank have gone to bed soon, but they didn't sleep. No, by all means – they didn't. It has been amazing. Hank grinned satisfied, man, he was satisfied! Now they were laying by each other, naked and exhausted, but happy. It was a nice feeling. To be with someone like this.. close, breathing together, gentle touches and calmness.

_I promised Evan to call him._ Not exactly the perfect moment to think about his baby brother. He wanted to stay here with Emily, enjoy the peace and quiet. On the other hand, he knew his brother wasn't good, when he left. _Because he was drinking too much the night before. Really? I'm sure there is more to it._

"What's on your mind, baby?"

Emily's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Oh, sorry, it's nothing."

She got on her side, her head on her hand. "Now, tell me. I know you won't stop thinking about it before you've talked about it."

"It's just Evan."

"Why is it, that I'm not surprised?" She sighed.

"He was doing so bad all day long. I'm not sure it was a good idea to leave him all by himself in his condition."

"A condition that he probably caused with his careless drinking habit."

"I wouldn't say it's a habit. More a phase. I guess he has some trouble and doesn't know how to solve them."

"Well, Hank, you should know that as a doctor, but drinker usually start drinking because of unsolved problems. So, I'm sure Evan is not different."

He wondered about her harsh tone. It's still his brother she was talking about. She talked about Evan like he was an ordinary drunk on the streets. An image of his brother frightened him: Evan laying in a dark dirty street in dirty, ragged clothes, not shaved, not washed for weeks, starving, sleeping under newspapers, empty bottles around him and a new bottle in his arms, ready to protect it with his meaningless life.

He tried to push that thought away. "Yeah maybe, but he didn't look good, he was vomiting and he was dizzy. I'd say he was close to unconsciousness more than once. And I.."

"Hank, please stop it." Her hand touched his. "Don't do this to yourself. You're talking yourself into sorrow and guilt. He's old enough to take responsibility for his deeds. You're his brother, not his father. Start living your own life."

"Well, yes, maybe, but..." He looked in her eyes, knowing she wouldn't like it. _I guess she's already pissed or annoyed anyway. "_I know, but I promised to call him before I go to bed and I hate breaking promises."

"Good talk to him, but promise me something, too..."

"What?"

"I want you to take some days off and come with me. I have a vacation home that my granny bought many years ago. And I mean really off, from your job and your brother."

"Well, as much as I liked to, but ..."

"But your patients need you? Please, most of them aren't even in the Hamptons. It's the best time of the year to be off. At least admit that it is because of that idiotic brother you have."

"I don't know what to say, Em."

"It's Emily and say 'yes'. Why is it that you let him interrupt every time we spend? There is no togetherness anymore, without talking about him. Do you think I have no feelings? Have you ever realized how he's talking to me? Well, maybe just half of it. He saves the worst things for the times you can't hear him throwing them at me."

"Emily, I know Evan's not easy, but I don't think that he's so mean. Don't listen to him, I do that all the time and it works for me." He smiled a little, but her face didn't change. "Okay, give me a few days to find out what's going on with him and then we go on vacation."

"Sounds good. I hope you keep this promise as well. And now go and call your brother, but leave the room. I try to get some sleep."

He kissed her and went to the living room. He called Evans number and let it ring till the machine answered: "Evan, it's me, Hank. I promised to call you, but your probably asleep. I'm worried, so please just call me back and let me know you're ok. Don't worry about the time. You know me, I don't rest well, if I don't know that everything is fine." He hesitated for a moment. A sudden fear let him swallow hard. He cleared his throat. "Don't forget I love you, Evan."

There was a strange feeling after he hung up. He didn't know why he has felt the urgent need to tell Evan that he loved him. He did, of course – Evan was the most important person in his life, but it's not like he told him daily. Fact was that Evan was more of a family type than he would ever be.

Hank sat down on the couch. _No need to wake Emily. Just watching some TV until Evan calls and then bed is waiting. I hope he calls soon. Please be okay! I hope nothing happened. I shouldn't have left him. Try to think about something else, Hank! This worrying leads nowhere and Evan is probably asleep._

Emily. He was longing for the woman's body. A feeling he had missed for a while. Life in the Hamptons was good to him. He was successful, his own boss, work wasn't as stressful as the ER job and he had a woman that cared a lot for him; maybe even loved him. _Do I love her?_ He didn't know the answer to that. All he knew, was that he liked her and the fact that she was a doctor too. The more he thought about Emily the more the worry about his brother disappeared. He relaxed and fell asleep on the couch.

* * *

I know it's a short one, but the next one will be on tomorrow or sunday.


	12. Chapter 12

It was seven in the morning, when Hank woke up from his peaceful, unexpected sleep. He needed some time to find out that he was lying on Emily's couch and a little more time to remember why. Relieved that it wasn't a result of an argument, he got up to the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth.

The door opened and he saw Emily in the mirror. She stood behind him and hugged him, resting her head on his bare back. He cleaned his mouth and turned around to kiss her long and gently. "Good morning, sunshine."

She giggled. "Sunshine? The last time someone called me that was way back, when I was 7 and an old man moved in with his son in our neighborhood."

"Really?" He grinned.

"Yes." She stared in his eyes. "I never cared about that nickname, when I got older. But I think... no, I know, I like hearing it from this handsome doctor that I met a while ago. I really have a crush on him, you know?"

"So? Why didn't you tell me earlier? I wasn't aware of a competition. But I think I will stand my man and fight for you. I'm not ready to let you go with him." He tried to sound serious, but couldn't stop smiling.

"Good, I wouldn't want it any other way." She kissed him and helped him out of his pants and then Hank showered a second time, but it took him much longer than before, because the woman in his arms just gave him many reasons to forget the time. He wasn't aware of what was going on a few minutes drive from him.

Evan woke up a bit earlier than his brother, though he had a rough night. Problem was, he didn't remember how he has gotten to his bed after falling on the floor in front of the couch attempting to get painkillers. Maybe it was too much to say he woke up. He got closer to consciousness, when whatever was left in his stomach found it's way out off his mouth. It was just in time to have the mess on the floor and not in his bed or on his t-shirt..._I don't wear it anymore, but where is it? _He tried to look around to find it, what wasn't easy with eyes that have decided to just not stay open. _Funny, fighting my own eyes...spooky... Spooky? Really, Evan? Dude, never again X-files. _

He decided that it wasn't that important for him to have the shirt yet. Considering his body odor, he decided it was time for a shower. He couldn't even remember when he had one the last time. _That's so not like me! I'm Mr. Shower, do it as often as I can, several times a day... well, would if my brother wouldn't be all doctor on me and telling me that too much showering wasn't doing any good. I don't even know why I'm doing it, but Hank said I started when Mom got sick. _

Evan managed to sit up, his feet on the floor. Dizziness caused him to close his eyes again and stop any kind of movement. The room didn't stop spinning, but it slowed down enough for him to get off the bed and make a small step. Nausea and dizziness took over for a few moments, but he came through without any problems.

After a few small steps more the dizziness came back so bad, that he tried to make one big step to lean on the near door. Something was in his way and he tripped. His hands were in front of him to keep him from falling. So not a good idea. He fell anyway, bumped his head on the door and his left wrist sent pain through his arm. _Note to myself, don't use your hands to prevent or ease a fall. _He thought that someone has taught him this a long time ago, but truth to be told... if he didn't remember last night, nobody could expect him to remember stuff that was ages ago.

He realized that there was more pain than just the one in his wrist and arm. There was pain in his head, his butt, his legs, his back... well, to keep it short: There was no part of his body free of pain, well, his toes maybe... But why did he trip in the first place? He scanned the surroundings. Two bottles were lying not far from him. _What the fuck?! Why are they here and hell, when did I drink them? Wine and Whiskey? I didn't have a drink since... when? Dunno. Hadn't even a wine to my food lately._

He couldn't think any further, he had to throw up again, violently, several times in a row without time to take a breath between the waves. He was exhausted. Pain made him scream. The last thing he knew was that there was this heavy alcohol smell near him. Not from the bottles. Realization was a shock. The alcohol was in his vomit. _No! Didn't Dad drink and forget what happened all the time? Don't let me be like Dad! Hank was right. Hank hates Dad! That makes him hate me, too, right? Oh, I hurt so bad, my family hates me, anybody hates me – I myself hate me most... please, just let me die! Just let me fall asleep and never wake up again! _When the darkness took over, there was a very short moment of hope that his suffering would really end.

He wasn't out for long. Pain in the kidney area brought him back to consciousness much faster than one could wish for. _Shit! Pain is gonna kill me! Means I'm not dead yet, huh? _Evan closed his eyes for a moment and then tried to get up without any success, of course. At least he managed to get on his knees. He pushed the bottles out of his way. Raised his arm to open the door and crawled on all fours to the bathroom. _That's so embarrassing. And there I was shaking my head about the video of a drunken David Hasselhoff. _

It took him a couple of minutes and two short breaks to end up in front of the toilet. He really needed to pee, so he tried to get out of his shorts just to figure out a second later that he didn't wear any. _When did I start sleeping without them? Now, that's a good question... please, why not think about such silly stuff? Who would want to know, when one started to drink too much? Yeah, who?_

He pushed those thoughts away and tried to get himself seated on the toilet. He was almost sitting, when he got dizzy and fell back to the floor. Convulsions started in his legs. Soon they took over his body. He tried to scream in pain, but all he got out was: "Nnnnnnnnhhhhhnnnn"

When the seizure finally ceased, he felt a warm liquid on his upper thighs. _Oh God! What else? _Tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks, not many, but the few there were came from a pain deep in his heart.

He soon decided that he would have to do something to feel human and in control again. So he just crawled a bit further and managed to get into the shower. That was good, but took a lot of energy out of him. He paused for few minutes and then tried to get on his feet. It didn't work out the way he wanted, but he wasn't ready to give up. His hands grabbed the handle and he pulled himself up. _Ok, that's gonna be tough. _A single move with his hand and the water came down on him, soon just the right temperature to calm him a bit.

Washing himself wasn't easy at all. He couldn't reach most parts of his body, not without risking to fall again and he knew that wouldn't be a good thing. But he let the water run down on him for long enough to feel clean. He turned the water off and started to dry his body as good as he could.

Evan knew that he couldn't make it to his room walking. So he got to his knees and was glad the pain wasn't followed by dizziness or nausea. He felt somewhat better than earlier and managed to make the way with only one short break. Everything went well until he came in his room and smelled the mixture of vomit, sweat and alcohol. It gave him a hard time to suppress the urge of throwing up again. _Man, this is just disgusting! I'm disgusting! Oh, Evan R. Lawson, how could you let yourself falling so deep. _

He thought about what to do first. Plans made, he crawled to the wardrobe to get dressed first. The shorts weren't a big problem, because he had them just in the drawer in front of him. He felt already more human now with some pants on. He got a grip on one of the shelves and pulled himself up, groaning in pain. His hands reached one off his shirts just in time before his legs let him down and he fell on the floor. A new wave of pain flooded his body drawing a scream from his lips. He couldn't focus anymore and felt unconsciousness coming back.

At the very same moment the door to the house opened and Dr. Hank Lawson came home from his first patient, checking in to see how his brother was doing. He heard the loud noise, saw his brothers phone on the floor and realized a second later that the noise was his brother screaming. He obviously was in a lot of pain. "Evan!" He sprinted to his brothers room.

* * *

Okay, dear readers, chapter 13 has been formed in the last five minutes while I was typing the last few sentences to this one, so it can't be long till it's up here. Has Evan suffered enough now? Well, he sure has, but will it end soon? Who knows... Isn't it time for Hank to find out what's really wrong with his brother? And what will it do to him or to their relationship? Can he help his baby brother or will there even be hate like Evan thought? Maybe Eddie can tell us more about it. I guess we just have to wait and find out what the characters are up to.


	13. Chapter 13

Evan bit his tongue to stop screaming. He heard his brother calling his name. _Damn! When did he come? Didn't hear the door.. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Okay, stay calm, boy... You have to get into this shirt before he comes in and sees how bad you look. Do I look bad? I don't understand why I have this feeling that it's better if Hank doesn't see my body._

With the shirt on he managed to pull himself back with a grip on the shelf again. He didn't have long to act, so he got the shelf out of the wardrobe and let it fall on his feet. _Man! My poor toes... now I really hurt everywhere... I just hope this helps to keep Hank calm. _His eyes caught a sight that he knew wouldn't do any good to the upcoming Dr. Brother and silly accountant brother chat. But it was too late to do anything about it, Hank was almost at his door and he couldn't have come to the bottles anyway. Not the way he felt.

"Evan! You're okay?" Hanks voice made Evan shiver. His brother was more than worried. And that wasn't all, his face screamed one word: Panic!

"I'm fine, no, I mean, my toes really hurt."

Hank noticed the reek before even before he entered the room. The first look made him frown. Vomit, empty alcohol bottles, some blood on the door and some stains on the bed that he couldn't make out. The next one was his brother pale, swaying and looking on the floor as if he was confused why all his shirts where lying around him and there was a shelf on his feet. _Well, that explains his scream. Not nice to have a heavy wooden shelf falling on your feet or even your toes. Ouch! _Just the thought made his feet hurt.

"I know you're vain, kiddo, but this is even too much for you. Throwing all your clothes around and when did you turn into Demolition Man whose destroying his wardrobe? What happened to my brother? Is he still in there?" Hank stand in front of Evan now and knocked on his head.

"Ouch! Stop it, man! I have a headache already, no reason to make it worse. And very funny... Demolition Man, huh? I didn't know you liked this kinda stuff." He thought a moment. "I just wanted to get something off the shelf above this one. And when I leaned on there to stretch a bit.. well, it just came down. Something probably broke."

Hank raised an eyebrow, not sure if he should buy this one. His brother wasn't small, he was tall and his weight – really, he always wasn't enough, Hank had told him more than once to gain some weight, because he didn't have any resources to use off in case he got really sick. But there was this thing about Evan, he could eat a lot, more than most people would think. If they were alone or Evan was by himself he managed to eat dinner, bread a little later, fruits, ice cream, chips and a bunch of chocolate adding coke and beer to the food within a few hours. He didn't become sick to his stomach. Strange thing was that he liked cooking so much and the stuff he prepared was always healthy – Hank had even suggested that Evan should work as a nutritionist. His eyes searched the now free space in the wardrobe. "Evan, nothing broke there."

"And? Would you rather have me making up a story?" _That was a good one, Evan. Making up a story. Implying that I'm telling the truth and Hank being the jerk. _"That's what happened, believe it or think whatever you want."

"Hey, hey, don't get so worked up, buddy. It's okay. I believe you. Guess, the thing fell on your feet, huh?"

"Yeah, sorry. Didn't mean to sound like an idiot."

"Oh Evan, you don't have to try and sound like one – look at you – you stand in the middle of what might be a thousand shirts – why do you need more shirts than every store out there? - and wood fell onto your feet. That's enough to be called idiot."

_Yeah, just stand there and smile. Calling me an idiot again. Spare me this funny grin! _Evan wasn't in any mood to joke around, but tried to go Hank's way. "You know me, never fail to make a fool out of myself. Do you mind helping me to go to the bed? My feet kill me and the headache makes me kinda dizzy and sick."

"Oh, sorry." Hank laid his arm around his brothers shoulders and felt him leaning on. They walked to the bed. Evan swayed and Hank rushed his arm down his waist to get a better grip. His brother hissed for a moment. _He is in bad shape. I'd even say he has lost more weight since yesterday. We have to talk. There is no way out of this today. He's shivering, when it's so hot in here._

"Let me open the window first, I guess some fresh air couldn't do any harm."

Evan used his pillow to lean on and looked at his brother. "Are you ok?"

He worried, but didn't know that it was so obvious. "Sure, I'm not the one that took a t-shirt shower, right? Let me look on your feet. Do you hurt somewhere else?"

"Yes, as I said, I have a headache. Other than that I'm feeling okay, not fine, but not so bad either. A bit dizzy and sick, but not as bad as..." He bite his lip and hoped his brother didn't hear it.

"Not as bad as when, Evan?"

_He heard it, of course. He's sitting next to me not in another room. How could he haven't heard it. Hank always told me: Think first and speak then. Yeah, good that I never remember that, when I talk to my teacher. Must be his authority attitude. _"Not as bad as yesterday or earlier today."

"Was a wet night, huh?"

"What?" _I didn't notice that it was raining last night. And I can't remember that they spoke about it on the radio or the tv last time I listened to the news. _

"I mean the two empty bottles on your floor. And the two that I found in our trash can yesterday."

"There were more bottles? More than those?" _Okay, I'm in big trouble and it's not just the speech that Hank will come up with soon enough. _

"Yeah, don't give me that. You know there were. So let's skip your innocent look and lies and just tell me what's wrong with you." He was working on his brothers toes. They were a bit sore, but other than that it was nothing serious. The little toes on both feet seemed to be lightly broken on the right and broken on the other. _How is it possible to get both of your little toes broken? Evan isn't sick or hurt very often, but if he is, he's always having the strangest illnesses or injuries. But that's soooo Evan, 'drama baby, drama'. _"You decide what you want to tell me and I get something to clean up your room and to treat your feet."

The younger Lawson closed his eyes and sighed. What should he tell his brother? He didn't remember drinking those bottles on the floor, let alone the ones that were in the trash can. He couldn't come up with an explanation. _Maybe I'm losing my mind. And I know there are those strange dreams of someone with me and doing something to me, they seem so damn real. But do I tell Hank about it and let him admit me to a psychiatric ward? Even if I wanted to tell him, I don't remember much more than __those men and three different voices. Wish I'd remember what they keep saying or doing to me. Not that it's important, in the end they are just dreams, aren't they? Considering the bottles on my floor and the alcohol smell, when I was throwing up... I guess the drinking caused those nightmares. Nightmares? How do I know they're nightmares, if I don't even remember what happened? It's weird. _

Hank came back and put his bag on Evan's nightstand. He left again and just a few seconds later Evan could hear him curse. The voice came from the bathroom and his brother knew right away that the doctor has found his urine. Water was running. It seemed that the older Lawson was cleaning the mess in the bathroom. Then he finally came back to the room. He cleaned the door first. "Where's this blood coming from?" After he finished his cleaning in the room and got rid of the items, he sat down on the bed again. "Now?" he asked while taking care of Evans feet. Not much he could do about it, though.

"I dunno where the blood is coming from." He was surprised that his brother had mentioned blood. He haven't noticed it, before the question came up. "I don't remember drinking that much either." _Or drinking at all for that matter. "_I do remember throwing up earlier and..."

"Yeah, Evan it was obvious that you had. Tell me things I don't know."

"I try, Henry! Okay, thinking about it, I guess I hit my head on the door, when I bent over. That might also be the source of my headache."

"Probably, but don't forget the major reason that's known as hangover." Hank became angrier with every word that came from his brother, but he fought with his temper to have a normal talk with Evan and not cause a discussion. A fight would only end one way. Yelling at each other, saying things they might regret later, insulting, princess behavior from Evan, doors slamming and one of them leaving the house. And he wouldn't know anymore than now.

"Yeah, you're probably right. And I'm sorry for the mess I left in the bathroom."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you don't like my things. My shoes are wet now, I opened the window there and let them have a bit of fresh air. Where you so drunken that you missed?" _And how often do I have to ask you to sit down? Or use the urinal in the other room?_

"Well, if I drank both of those bottles I guess you can answer that yourself." _Man, he must be disgusted, I am myself. _

Hank didn't say anything. He nodded and took Evans head in his hands, searching for a wound that could have left the blood on the door. It wasn't big and not really bad. Only needed two stitches. He could tell that Evan had a shower earlier so there was not a lot to clean. It has bled some more after that, but not much. He did his job, like a doctor to a patient, avoiding the anger and sorrow inside. "Okay, I'm done. I guess you have a mild concussion and as I said a bad hangover, but I don't think you should leave the house today. Maybe sit down on the porch a while."

"Thank you, Hank." Evan said. He was embarrassed.

"That's my job, Evan."

"Yeah, as my older brother." Evan smiled, but that didn't last long.

"No, it's my job as a doctor."

_Ouch! _Those words hurt more than the physical pain. "True. But I mean it. Thank you. And... I'm so so sorry, that I had too much alcohol and for disappointing you." _Now, please say that I'm not disappointing you. You don't tell me your proud of me very often, but you could at least say that I made a mistake, but that it isn't a disappointment._

"Yes. You know we have to talk about this to a specialist. I think a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Someone with experience in …. this field."

"Wow, Hank, just because I had too much alcohol in the last few days doesn't mean I need a therapy. I just stop drinking."

"Evan, I'm not discussing this. You go and see someone, if they say you don't need the therapy than it is fine with me, but if they say you do need and you're not gonna do it, I have to ask you to leave the house until you feel better."

_Please, you didn't say that, did you? _Tears filled his eyes. "I go and talk to them and do all that they want me to do. I promise, Henry."

Hank's voice was more soothing when he spoke again. "Listen, Evan. I'm not saying this to hurt you, so please don't cry." Those words only caused the tears, that his brother had held back in his eyes, to flow. He was now crying and Hank put the anger beside for a moment and hugged him. "It's okay, Evan. We're going through this."

"You're not going to throw me out?"

"No, Evan. If you follow their orders, I want you to stay here. If you have to go to a clinic and things will be okay, you are always welcome back. Of course, I'd visit at the weekends. I'll be there whenever you need me."

"Thank you and again I'm sorry. It's just so, I don't remember drinking anything at all. Not those bottles, not the ones you mentioned. I didn't even remember how I got from the couch, where you left me, to my bedroom."

"I understood this. Evan. It makes things even more urgent. Who knows how long you have been drinking so much and couldn't remember anything the next days. You have lost some weight and look pale, not good at all. And that has been for a while now. It's just like it was with..."

"Hello, is anybody at home?" The man was in the living room.

"Yes, just a moment, I'm coming. Who are you and how did you get in?" Hank asked, staying with his brother.

"It's me. Dad. The door wasn't closed."

The brothers looked at each other. Hank had obviously forgotten to close the door, when he had heard his brothers scream earlier. Both of them were surprised about their fathers visit. He didn't tell them ahead and he sure couldn't have found a worse moment/time for deciding to see his sons.

"Henry? Do you mean it's just like it was with dad." Evan asked, now scared.

"Like it was with Eddie, yes." Hank refused to call his father dad. The man didn't deserve this name. Not in his eyes. And especially not from Evan, he just wished the youngest family member would understand that.

Evans fear from earlier came back. If he was just like dad... it would mean that Hank was disappointed in him and disgusted and that he'd hate him. "Do you hate me now, like him?"

Hank turned around to say something calming to his brother, but steps behind him let him turn around. "Eddie, why are you here?"

"What about: hey dad, nice to see you?"

"Yeah, hi Eddie."

"Hi dad, good to see you again. Would have been good if you'd called, I had prepared some great food." Evan said smiling. But it didn't reach his eyes. Seeing his father and knowing what they just talked about made him feel worse and the feeling of self-hatred grew and the wish to be dead came up again. That Hank didn't have a chance to answer his last question didn't make things any better.

Hank was annoyed by his father, he was annoyed that he thought he could come and go whenever he wanted. Eddie had no respect, when it came to his sons privacy and their lives, that they had lived for many years without him. And it hadn't been too bad, not after he could finally make some money, so that him and his brother could afford to live together.

He was angry that he had to delay the conversation with his baby brother. The situation was serious and the old man wasn't known for being helpful in such serious family things. He wasn't known to remember his family, if they were in trouble or sick. Like their mom.

_Like with Evan, when mom was in the hospital a couple of weeks before Eddie has left his family. Before she came home dying. Evan was sick for several weeks and later with increasing fever, the end was that the cold caused pneumonia and dad refused or didn't care to take his son to a doctor for another week or so. When Evan started complaining about pain in his heart, Hank decided to bring him to a doctor. He was diagnosed with myocardial inflammation. The doctor immediately called an ambulance, because the 10 year old boys fever was life-threatening high. Evan was at the ICU for almost a week and the first couple of days the doctors didn't know, if he would make it or not. Their mother was too out of it to even remember she had sons and their father has already pulled back some from his family, when his wife got sick and he didn't come once to see his second born, even knowing that the kid was at risk to die. Hank was glad since then that Evan had been delirious and sleeping a lot during his stay in the hospital and didn't know their father hasn't been there. Hank wanted to comfort the boy and told him that Eddie has been there every day. _

That was actually the time, when Hank started worrying as soon as Evan coughed or so. The illness had not left a serious damage, but whenever Evan got a cold he seemed to end up with pneumonia and pain in his chest. If he didn't get a proper treatment within the first two days. Not quite normal. But who said things with Evan were easy or normal? It was good then that Evan rarely got sick especially colds or the flu. Hank was thankful for that one thing that his brother had in common with their father. The only good thing Eddie has ever given to Evan.


	14. Chapter 14

Hank and Eddie sat on the couch, after the doctor has seen his second patient of the day. Evan was in his room sleeping. His older brother had checked on him before he had joined his father in the living room. "So tell me Eddie, what brought you here?"

"Does a father need a reason to visit his sons?" He smiled his unique smile that could buy him a lot from people. It didn't work on his older son, though.

"You could have called first, what if we'd be busy with things. You know, we have a life that doesn't include you." Hank ignored his fathers question. "And it's not nice to answer questions with another question."

"Oh, come on, son. I have no certain reason for my visit. And I figured you boys would find some time for your dad, once I would come. I'll stay at a hotel for a couple of days and will visit you daily. Now, how would you like that?"

"We'll see, Eddie. Evan talks about going to the new golf resort and the new tennis court for a while now. Maybe that's something we can do or you can go with him, I'm sure he loves spending time with you."

"Henry, I'm here to spend time with my oldest son. We don't get to do a lot together, so I was looking forward to some time for only the two of us. But we can go to the places you mentioned. What do you think? I'm sure it's going to be fun!"

"Eddie, Evan was the one who suggested those places and.."

"You and the boy can go there whenever you want. You and me have just a couple of days to do it."

"I wouldn't feel good, going there without him. It's not right. He's trying to go there with me for a couple of weeks and I always had other things to do. Why don't we go there with him, if he feels up to it. He's not doing very well, that's why he's in bed at this time of the day and not working on any crazy ideas for commercials."

"Yeah, well the boy can come along. As long as we can have some time alone, we could have lunch before or after and then meet him."

"We'll see, Eddie. Might be that Evan needs a lot of rest anyway or that I haven't much time for you, because I have to see patients and help Evan to get better. He is in bad shape and I'm worried about him. I already called Emily to tell her I'm not coming over for the coming nights. I want to stay here and have an eye on him."

"Who's Emily?"

"A woman I'm seeing."

"I'd love to meet her. Why don't we ask her to join us for lunch?"

"Eddie, I don't know about her plans. She's a doctor, too. And as I said before, Evan is sick and I want to have a close eye on him."

"Yes yes, but your brother is an adult, my son. He can be on his own for a bit. He's not dying in a hospital or so."

Hank was close to explode now. He has mentioned his sick brother several times to give his father a chance to act like one. But so far he didn't even ask what was wrong with his youngest son or if he could do anything to help him. _That's how he cares for his son, the only one he has left as far as I'm concerned. Evan would do anything for Eddie, but he won't get anything in reverse. _

The doctor was sad for his brother who always tried to be a good son and almost pleading for Eddie's love or any attention just to be disappointed in the end. Hank was pretty sure that Eddie had used that very fact to get the money from Evan. The money that has caused the big fight between the two brothers. The fight that Hank had almost cost his sometimes annoying, but precious sweet baby brother that he loved so dearly. Evan had felt so guilty that he had taken antidepressants for a few months, gladly not very long. But it had Hank worried like hell. Thinking back to this time could still flood his eyes with tears. They made it a secret between the two brothers and nobody else knew about it. His brother has been embarrassed and down enough as it was, crying for hours locked up in his room.

"Eddie, don't you want to know what's wrong with Evan?"

"You know I care about the boy, Henry, but you are a doctor and his older brother and I assume that he gets the best possible care from you and I'm sure there is not m..."

"I think he is drinking, I mean drinking as in being a drinker."

"Really? Well, that's bad, but not surprising, is it?"

"What the f...?"

"Henry, could you've been so blind all those years? You're brother is weak, he has been since the day he was born. Life isn't easy and it was just a matter of time that he would struggle and got himself into trouble."

"That's enough, Eddie! You came and you got him into trouble and you should be happy that he still holds on to you and cares for you. And speaking of weakness, the boy – isn't that what you call him instead of your son? - had a bad childhood. You weren't the best father for him before, but after you left you have been none at all. Mom died and I did my best, but I had to deal with my own grief and trying to build up a life for him and me, he was literally alone. You don't know what he went through all his life, so don't you dare to talk about him like this!"

"We all had a bad life, ups and downs in our lives, Henry. He's just not able to handle things well, that's why he drinks."

"Leave! You have been a gambler and a drinker for a huge part of your life and now you talk about your own son like he's some crap and you dare to judge him, when you are not half the man that he is! If you don't leave this place right away, I'm gonna throw you out myself!"

"Why are you so upset? I haven't been a gambler, I just had bad luck and I never was a drinker, I could always just stop. I'm nothing like Evan, I'm strong like you are. That's what you got from me. Evan isn't as intelligent, successful as you. He is …."

It happened unexpected. It happened fast. Hank didn't need more than one knock and Eddie went down. "Get up and go! Now!"

"Hey, you had your turn, son. It's okay. You just call me, when you thought about it. No need to apologize. I'll take your call as a sorry." Eddie went to the door while saying this. Hank was there within seconds and pushed his father out the door, what made him fall again. But the Lawson brothers father still didn't get the message. "I'm leaving now, but don't forget to call!"

Hank slammed the door and leaned on it with his back, closed his eyes and tried to calm down. _He's an ass! I could kill him right now! Oh, I'm so mad! He doesn't deserve Evans love at all and I have to make it understandable for Evan to prevent new disappointment. But in his situation... at what price?_ He heard his brother coming out of his room, probably waken by the yelling, and took a deep breath before opening his eyes. He put a smile on his face and waited for Evan.


	15. Chapter 15

Evan has slept for about two hours after his father had come in without being invited. It has been more of an intrusion. Hank hasn't looked happy about it and Evan hasn't liked the thought of their father being around right now either.

He woke up with severe pain in his chest. His heart was racing. Every breath felt like a sharp knife in his throat. He sat up and tried to breathe through the tightening breathtaking pain in his heart and chest.

His brother and his father, his family, were outside the room. He could hear them talk, but didn't understand what they said. Probably the usual meaningless smalltalk. The two shared nothing, so he was sure that it couldn't be anything important.

The pain was still there. He had the feeling it would wander. Listening to the not understandable conversation helped. It was like a soft melody that gave comfort. His arm felt a little numb now, but he had no time to think about it. The voices in the living room became loud. He still couldn't understand the words, but he was sure that the two men were arguing about something. _Oh well, why am I not surprised? It's the same old, same old. Smalltalk and arguments – screwed family!_

Hank yelled at their father that he wanted him to leave. Evan started to worry now. It took a lot of energy, but he got to his feet and walked to the door. His heart was beating so hard, that he feared it would explode in his chest. The door to the house was slammed. He guessed that meant his father was gone and Hank in a bad mood. Evan didn't care about his brothers mood. He wanted to be close to him, talk to him and give him a possibility to speak about the argument.

His brother sprinted to his side as soon as he left his room. "Thank you." Hank steadied him, because he was swaying badly. They sat down on the couch and the doctor helped his brother to lay down. "I get you some water. Do you need anything else?"

Evan shook his head. He was so dizzy and his stomach was turning. "Maybe I do. Do you have something for the nausea? I'm feeling sick again."

"Sure, I'm a doctor, Evan." Hank grabbed for his bag and got the medicine for his brother. He came back with water and pills. "Here take those and take small sips, okay? I help you sit up." He helped his brother to sit up and sat down on the place, where Evan's head and neck have rested before. He heard the unhealthy breathing coming from his brother. "Hey, you don't sound to good. Are you in pain?"

"Just a little in my chest and a mild headache, nothing bad. Was exhausting to walk from my bed to here."

"Do you need some painkiller?"

"No, don't worry, just resting a few minutes and I feel better."

"Okay, tell me if you change your mind. Lean on, Evan. It's time for me to take care of you again." He waited until he felt his brothers head in his lap. "I'm not leaving the house this week, except for running errands or the few appointments that are too important to delay. We will go through this together, Evan."

"Thanks. You have no idea what that means to me, Hank. I was so afraid..." He stopped, not knowing, if he should mention it at all. _What if he says he hates me?_

"Evan?" No answer. "What were you afraid of?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"Nononono. Talk to me. I wanna know what scares you." He paused. "Please."

His brother felt tears stinging in his eyes. The 'please' sounded honest in his ears. And it was so unexpected. He tried to speak, but the numbness in his arm was somehow painful. _How can that be?! _

"Evan? Are you ok!?"

"Yes, it's nothing, I just don't know..."

"What? What is it? Damn, talk to me, Evan!" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He spoke again, this time softer: "I'm sorry, I didn't want to yell at you. It's okay, you tell me, whenever you're ready." He did something that he hadn't done since they were teenager. He put his left hand on his brothers chest as if to warm his heart, while his right hand grabbed his brothers hand. He then bent down to give Evan a kiss on the forehead. "All I want is for you to be okay again."

"Hank, I know how you feel against Dad, because he did all those things and you said I was like Dad with the money and I was afraid you hate me now and..."

"Evan? How in the world could you ever believe I was able to hate you?"

"Because he was a drinker too and you hate him, and I'm just like him." Evan felt tears running down his cheeks.

"No, don't cry, please don't." Hank felt miserable for comparing his younger brother with their rotten father. "It was wrong to say such things. I know you're not greedy like him. You're a good person, Evan. You make me laugh, you're always here to help. I don't hate you. You are my family."

Not caring about the pain in his chest and his side, Evan turned around and hugged his brother. "And you're mine, Henry." He didn't care about his tears. When his brother tightened the hug, he couldn't stop himself from screaming.

Hank immediately let go. His brother grimaced. _Oh God, he hurts so much. I wish I'd knew what's wrong. I have to examine him, no matter what he says. _"Sorry, where is the pain? Let me take a look at you, okay?"

"No, it's nothing really.."

"You just screamed in pain. That's not nothing."

"I was overreacting a bit, don't worry. I was a bit dizzy, when I tried to get up from bed, I fell on my knees and hit my side on the bad, but I looked at it. It won't even be a big bruise. If you want to help me, give me something for the pain and I'll be fine."

Hank got up and came back with the pills. "You take them. If you're still in pain after some rest, I'm gonna have a closer look on you. Deal?"

Evan didn't like it, but he was save for now. "Deal." He swallowed the pills. "What were you two arguing about?"

"Who?"

"Dad and you. I heard you yelling at him. I didn't understand a word, but you slammed the door. And people usually do that in anger."

"Well, I can say one thing for sure. Your head seems okay, you're playing Sherlock Holmes. Haven't you been Watson, when we were kids?"

"Yeah, but you left to study medicine. Now you're the doc. And don't change subjects. Tell me 'bout you and Dad."

"It was the usual, I don't even remember what it was about. You know, we can't be in a room for more than a few minutes without an argument, unless we have you to stand by and babysit."

"Yeah, but you were angry!"

"That's often a result of an argument, and I don't think I w..."

Hank couldn't finish his sentence. It was knocking on the door and he was too concentrated on the earlier conversation _Afraid.. you hate me... you said I was like Dad... How could I ever make him feel those things. I really suck as big brother._, that he opened the door without looking who was standing out there. When he saw the person, he was too slow to react. The man came in without waiting for approval. Before Hank could do anything, he has reached the living room. "Hey, Evan."

Hank didn't hear what the man was whispering after that. His face fleshed with anger. The man was kneeling down in front of Evan as if he'd care so much for the man. And his brother didn't know the truth. He couldn't do anything about it, not yet, not in this situation. But he swore to himself that he would end this as soon as possible.

"We were just talking about you, Dad." Evan said smiling. "See Hank, now you have Dad around and he can take care of me, when you see your patients or if you need some rest."


	16. Chapter 16

Eddie was still in the house, Hank hasn't been able to throw him out again, not in front of Evan. The youngest and the oldest Lawson sat on the couch and talked. Nothing of importance, just some gossip. Well, in the world of the Hamptons, gossip was probably more important than one would think.

Hank had a discussion with one of his patients over the phone. He hung up with a sigh. _This man drives me insane. _He had to make a decision. The patient had called from the hospital. The doctors there have run all the ordered test and had a diagnosis. One of the few that Hank has suspected. They wanted to perform surgery the next day. Mr. Tyler wanted a second opinion. Hank's opinion. He would have to go through all the test results and examine his patient again, talk to the doctors there and to the patient, but... Mr. Tyler wasn't a patient to talk to. The man wasn't one of the pleasant patients. Discussing things over and over, reading too much online and 'finding' the craziest illnesses he could have. Hank had trust in Dr. Walkner from the Hampton Heritage. And didn't see the point of a second opinion, especially after he himself has sent the patient to the hospital to check out the symptoms.

Well, he was a concierge doctor and he would go whenever patients called, but it was different this time. He was needed at home, his brother was the one that needed his attention, not so much as a doctor maybe, but as his family.

His father came up to him and whispered: "Listen, son. I know we are like fire and ice and this morning was not different. I'm sorry, I said those things to you."

"I'm not the one you should apologize to, but I don't want to argue again. Not with him around. He got enough to deal with."

"I know, son. The call you got was from a patient, wasn't it? I can see you want to stay here, but also know about the responsibility you feel for your patients. I want to help you. You go see your patient and I stay here with, Evan."

"No, he's my responsibility, not yours. He's been most of his life."

"Henry, he's my son. You tell me what I'm supposed to do and I do it, while you're out working."

"I don't know. You're son, huh? Where comes that from? I can't recall that you ever acted as his father. Oh well, didn't you prove yourself wrong, just a few hours ago?" _I don't like it all._

"Shame on me. Now, come on, what should happen to the boy? He's a drinker and not seriously sick."

"He is very sick. And other than you, he understands it, that's why he will get the help he needs and stop drinking. His gonna be okay again."

Suddenly Evan appeared next to them. "If you need to go, Henry, just go. I'll be okay. Guess I go to bed anyway. I'm sleepy. So don't worry ab-" He started swaying, bent over and vomited heavily, before his knees gave in.

"Yeah, I don't need to worry. You are doing just fine." Hank said, holding him around his waist to prevent him from falling. "That's it. I'm staying. I may lose a patient, but I'm not gonna lose a brother."

"You won't lose me, Henry, just because you see a patient. Your job first, than me. HankMed needs a reliable doctor, if it's not going to get more advertising."

"Do you have any plans for today or tonight, Eddie? I don't know how long it will be. I have to see Dr. Walkner and Mr. Tyler. Then I'll grab some food and other stuff we need and be right back."

"Sure, I didn't make any plans for today or tonight. Don't worry."

"Okay. I'll bring you to bed, buddy."

Evan was weak and leaned onto his brothers shoulder. He helped as much as he could walking to the bedroom. Most of the weight was left for Hank to carry. And when he finally laid down in his bed he mumbled: "So-y Hen-y."

"It's okay, Evan. There is one thing you have to know, before I leave. It's always you first. Always."

"Thanks."

He smiled. "I tell Eddie to call me, if you need me, but you have your phone right here and call me whenever you want.

"Yes," was all that Evan could say before drifting into a deep sleep.

Hank waited a moment and watched his brothers breathing. _He's so pale and weak. I'm not sure alcohol is the only problem. _He went back to his father to talk to him. "Listen Eddie, I know why you're doing this and I hate it, but it's the best to do right now. And don't get it wrong! I'm doing this for Evan. And if you let him down again, I swear you will never see him again. Or me."

"Oh son, all will be fine."

"Look at him now and then, take care of his pain, make him drink enough water. Clean the floor, please."

"I'll call after the hospital and ask how he is, before running some errands."

"Okay."

Hank was ready to leave. But turned back one last time: "And don't leave him alone in the house!" The doctor left with those words.

* * *

Okay, this wasn't too long and the last two chapters were less mysterious, but that doesn't mean things are done soon. Just next chapter will give us some more to wonder and leave us with new questions. Things aren't always what they seem to be. I guess we all know that. Oh, please feel free to let me know what you think will happen or what you would want to happen. I have my plot in my head. It's completed there, but there might be a way to include some small wishes.


	17. Chapter 17

_The sad crying boy's Mom is very sick. Say tell him, he has to go in the room and see her. She lies on her bed, gray skin, sweaty uncombed hairs, restless eyes with dark rings beneath, her lips and skin so dry that they look like sandpaper, the most terrifying thing for the boy is her voice, when she says: come here!_

_But he is too scared and steps back. He doesn't come far. His father pushes him closer to the bed. He cries even more and tells them he is scared, but it doesn't help. His father threats him with something he will do to him, that he hears, but not understands what it is. Maybe he is just to disturbed right now to understand the meanings of the words, or his father is using some of those words that adults use and he was still too young to understand. He feels his father behind him and pushing him closer to the bed and finally in his mothers arms. But this isn't his Mom, well she was her, but not anymore. She hugs him and he can smell her. She smells like old people do, when they get too old or too confused to take care of themselves. "Hey Evan." He tries to get out of her arms, but she still has enough energy to hold him._

_This time it's a clap on the back of his head, that his father uses to remind him to be nice to her. "Hi M..." He can't say it. He can't call her Mom. His Mom is gone, the woman there just looks like her, but more like a nightmare-mom. "Hi."_

_She starts coughing and he tries to get away from her, because she tightens her grip on him and he can't breathe well and his head hurts. He always has an headache as soon something touches his head and if it's just stroking his hair too fast. He finally gets out of her arms, but his father holds him. He can't leave the bed. She coughs more and more and there is blood on his hands, when she takes them from his lips. She reaches out for him and holds his hands. Then she coughs again and spits out whatever comes out of her mouth and he has some drops of blood on his face and more on his shirt. He feels very sick suddenly and within a moment after the realization of blood on him he throws up and passes out. He doesn't know that he is falling on the floor, because his father is too disgusted with the whole scene that he can't care about anyone else, but himself. _

_He turns around to leave, when his son starts falling back at him. He hears the thud and runs away to the living room to drink whiskey right from the bottle._

_The boy wakes up in the meanwhile. His head hurts so bad. He rubs his bloody hands on his jeans to get rid of the blood. The blood from her. His hands find a wet spot on his head and when he brings them back in sight, they are bloody again. Not her blood. Now it is his own. And the boy screams!_

"Aaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh !" Evan was screaming himself into consciousness. His eyes stayed close for a few seconds. He was still screaming even though the nightmare was over and he awake. His breathing felt like fire down his throat and the pain in his chest and the numbness were coming back. The pain from his feet to his head was so painful that he couldn't do anything than scream until his voice broke.

He was thankful, when darkness surrounded him, but someone opened the door and he shut his eyes open. "Dad?"

"Why are you screaming like this, Evan?"

"Nightmare and pain. Sorry, I scared you." _Is it really a nightmare, when you have that dream in the afternoon or so? I'm gonna ask Hank._

"Scared me? Hell, I was just talking to someone important, about business that could bring me a lot of money, something that could change my whole life. And she could hear you over the phone! After your second scream she was too annoyed to talk further and I told her I would look what's going on and call her back!"

Evan heard what his father said, but was luckily way too out of it to comprehend everything. "Sorry, Dad. Bring painkiller?" The pain took all his energy.

"What the hell am I? Your servant?" He ran out the door and came back a little later and had one pill and some water for Evan.

His son struggled to sit up on his own, but when he didn't get help, he just lifted his head and took the pill. "Thanks, Dad."

"Hope that's it, I'll call her back now." His father growled at his youngest.

He left and slammed the door. Evan thought for a moment that his fathers behavior was weird. _Not weird, mean! _He felt sadness and cried for his own soul, like he has done so often. And nobody knew about it. Nobody.

It didn't take very long for him to drift again. The pill had made him even sleepier and with a little less pain sleeping was easier.

He wasn't sure how long he has been asleep or even if he was awake or asleep. The voices were back again. The woman was there again. He heard her rarely, when those voices came. She told the other voices about him being a loser. "He could never do anything right in his life. A great disappointment for us, no wonder I died. The sorrows and stress he caused made me sick."

"Yes, and now he ruins his brothers life. Useless piece of shit!"

And now the third voice: "Drinking too much, drug abuse, wait till Hank finds out what is really going on with this low existence."

He couldn't speak, but wanted to scream that he wouldn't take any drugs or too much medicine, that he wasn't addicted to such things, that he couldn't even remember drinking that much.

"Take your pill." A male voice said and put a pill in his hands. He still felt like in some kind of dream and tried to push the man and his pills away. There was nothing he could do. The man pushed the pill into his mouth and the water bottle next to his bed after it. The water was coming so fast. Evan tried not to swallow, he wanted to keep the pill out of his body, but when the pressure increased and more and more water filled up his mouth, he had to swallow in order to take a breath. He passed out from exhaustion before the pill could work.

He felt hands on his body. He was taken out of bed and then thrown on the floor. A wave of pain made him scream again, well as loud as he could with his strained voice. He hasn't been out to long, but he wished he still would be as soon as he felt a fist that hit his left side. He screamed again. Two people got him up to his feet and held him, while the woman hit him over and over again along his torso. He first didn't recognize the next pain. Shocks were running through his bodies. His body was convulsing whenever the taser touched his skin. They took their arms away and he felt down on the floor. They were kicking him from different directions.

"I'm doing it for you today," the other male voice said.

He could feel the finger running down the hurting body. Before he knew what was going on, he felt a needle going through his skin. Then he felt a cold bottle on his lips and tried to close his mouth, but he was too slow. The liquid filled his mouth and he couldn't do anything about it. Two fingers were around his nose, so that he couldn't breathe. He swallowed and after a while he stopped struggling at all, because the injection worked fast. There was no sense left in him. He didn't feel anything, and if he did, he couldn't move, he knew something was done to him, but he couldn't care about it. His brain shut down and all that was left of him, was the babbling incoherent

rest of Evan R. Lawson.

The only time he could scream was when a new wave of shocks hit him. His heart skipped a beat, then several and then raced again. He felt the seizure, when it came, but his mind was blank and he didn't know what a seizure was. _One of the words that adults use that children didn't understand. _Drool was running out of the corner of his mouth, down his chin. His body was convulsing on the floor.

The female voice kept whispering in his ear: "Loser. Idiot. Nothing. Nothing. Loser."

One of the men asked him what his name was, but he couldn't understand the questions and all he did was giggling. He giggled like a brainless creature and stared at the ceiling through open eyes. There was only white in them.

Evan or the little that was left of him was gone again, further away than the day before. His soul lost another battle.


	18. Chapter 18

I thank all of you for your reviews:) I'm sorry that the guest seems to get bored with the story, because everything seems to happen over and over again. And I want to explain it a bit: This is gonna be a story that includes different sides of the human soul and the way certain things effect people all their life. And things just have to be repeated to get the characters deeper in whatever the outcome might be. (I know it though, *g*)

But of course I can't tell you the whole plot or it would become useless to update or read the story any further. I always liked Stephen King books because the horror was built up slowly and I also like psychological thrillers. I'm not a big fan of stories that make you feel like your running a marathon. And if you think the story is worth it, than please be patient and I promise you won't regret it in the end.

Ah and there was the comment that made me smile, well more a question... No, I'm not a psychologist. But I wanted to study it since I was 13 or 14. Well, the unpleasant situation I grew up with didn't let me have a chance to do so, but I read and saw all I got about it and many people that know me see that I have a very sensitive radar - I know a lot about people that I never talked to or that I talked to a few sentences. It never failed me and even though it hurt me a lot, when I was younger, because I wanted to be liked somehow and always knew when I wasn't and people were just acting friendly, it now keeps me from being hurt. So you see, there's a lot of myself in this story, but as I said before. Things are not always what they seem to be, are they?:)

* * *

The_ sick woman. Once his mother. Reaching out for him, while he tries to get away. His fathers strong hands that push him in her arms. Then the coughing and the blood. Blood on her face. Blood on her hands. Blood on his hands from her. Vomit on the floor. The darkness that surrounds him. The blood on his hands from his head. The screams because he's terrified, because his bleeding, because his father left the room, because his mother is dying, because his mother has become that scaring woman, because he was alone, alone with her, alone with his fear. _

_When he will leave the room after twenty minutes of screaming, his father won't be in the house anymore. His brother will not be home, yet. His father will not come back, not until they are grown men. He will have left them. Two young boys with their dying mother will be on their own. And it will be his fault, because he has vomited and passed out like a girl. His father has always said, he wasn't a boy, too skinny and too useless. It will be his fault, that his brother will have to struggle so very hard to study and to make a good life for both of them. It will be his fault, when their mother is going to die a while after this day. Her father has told him that it had been his fault she got sick, because he caused her trouble all the time. _

_His brother will be angry at their father, not knowing that it was his fault the man had left. His brother will be sad, when their mother dies, never saying anything about the fact that it was his fault she got sick in the first place. His brother will be around – always. But other than him, he will never be completely with brother. His parents will have taken his pride, his self-confidence, his own dreams, most of his will to live for himself and the sanctity of his body, they will have taken his childhood. And even though he'll know it was his own fault, he'll feel the need to distinguish himself over and over and never reach the satisfaction to let it go, the need to get dressed in a way that gets peoples attention or act like a clown around them to make them laugh or buy gifts for other kids in school or the foster home they will stay only to make them like him, he will always be afraid to dare to dream or realize them because he'll know that he won't be good enough for anything, he'll live with the daily thought that he isn't worth living but trying every day to help his brother, he'll never learn to make decisions for his own body and so giving in whenever someone wants to abuse it - mostly without the abuser even knowing of the abuse that they do to him and his soul when all they want is to make him feel good doing those things that everybody does, he'll never like children because he never had the chance to be one himself. All of those feelings will be locked inside him for the rest of his life, always looking for love. There will always be the aching need of salvation. _

_The images change and he is know in his room and three people keep torturing him, and he can see his face as the alcohol is poured down his throat, he can see himself taking a pill that so much looks like a pill you'd expect in clubs, he can see and actually feel the liquid that gets into his blood system through a tiny needle. And he cries softly in his dreams, because consciousness is coming back slowly and tells him that he's crazy, that there's no way someone makes him do this. He is an addict and a junkie. Just like his father. The rat that left his family. Because of him. That makes him the master of the rat, he guesses and it makes him unworthy to be loved. If there had be anyone else doing this to him, his father would have heard them._

Evan woke up slowly, crying in pain and out of an unbearable sadness. He realized something hard in his hand. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw that he's lying on the bed and had an empty bottle in his arms. Holding on to it like it could save him

from drowning in his sadness, well it probably could and if only for a few hours. He's still tired and closed his eyes again. Slowly drifting back to sleep, but fighting it, because he's scared to go back to those dark places.

The door opened as the darkness took over. But Evan didn't wake up, being more unconscious than asleep. Hank came in to see how he was doing. He saw the bottle in his brothers hands, saw it was empty. His first reaction would have been yelling at him, but he didn't. He was angry, but more than anything else he was worried about his younger brother. _At least it's only one bottle this time. That's a progress, huh? Yeah, a sad one though. _

He carefully took the bottle away from his brother. Evan stirred for a moment, but didn't wake. Hank sat awhile on the bed with him, listening to his unhealthy breathing, making sure he was as okay as he could be under the given circumstances. His fingers wandered through his brothers hair. _He looks so broken, even when he's sleeping. I hope he gets better soon. Where the hell did he find the alcohol? I looked through everything in his room and in the rest of the house and put all the bottles in the car to have them away from him. Maybe I've overseen it, but..._

Someone came in and he pushed his thoughts aside for now. "Is he alright, Hank?"

"No!"

"Yeah, I can tell considering the bottle in your hand. Empty, huh?"

"Actually, yes!"

"I kind of knew it all along. You are gone and all his good will to stop drinking is gone, too. Told you he is worse than me. He just put a show on for you. You trust the weak, Henry and trust will leak."

"What the hell are you talking about? Nice poem, Eddie." He pushed his father violently out of the room and back to the living room. Not willing to let Evan wake up to an argument like this. "Didn't I call you every hour after I had left?"

"You did."

"And didn't I ask you to go and see if he's okay?"

"Yeah and I did once in a while."

"Didn't you tell me that my brother, **your son**, was sleeping and all was just fine?"

"Yes and last time I checked on him he was doing great."

"When was that?"

Eddie didn't notice that Hank looked at the wall clock. Seeing it was after 8 p. m. "It wasn't that long ago, I don't know the time, but they had this show on tv at that time."

"Which one?"

"I don't know. About some rookies in a hospital or so. Didn't look at it."

"Scrubs."

"Yeah, I guess that was the show."

"The show runs at 3.30 p. m., Eddie and that makes it 4.5 hours since you checked on him! I thought you didn't look the show at all?!"

"I didn't. I was busy and forgot the time, I'm sorry, Henry."

"You were busy?! Doing what, Eddie?!"

"I needed to do some calls, because I have a few big things going on that will pay out with a nice amount of money. Business, you know?"

Hank has been near to explode since the conversation has started, but now his anger was beyond exploding and he could barely hold his fists down. The urge to knock his father out and beat him numb was strong, so he took all the energy out of his body and put it in his voice: "You're such an asshole! Are you telling me that money and business couldn't wait some time, or even worse that they mean more to you than your **own **son? You fucking bastard! Is there anything at all you care about? Other than money? Other than you?!"

"Of course. I care for my sons, for you and.."

"Shut up! Don't dare lying at me. You don't give a damn what's going on with your son! I asked you to do one thing for us and you failed! Oh, wait, I didn't ask you to do it, you offered to take care of him, didn't you? Don't even dare to open your mouth, spare me your dirty lies and excuses. Go! Now!"

Eddie didn't move. He seemed to be thinking for a moment and then smiled again. "I'm sorry, Hank, that I didn't look enough at him. He was asleep in his room, in the same house with me. I didn't think there was much that could happen. Well, I was wrong, son, but you've got to admit that it isn't my fault that he drank his lights out."

Hank stared at his father. He couldn't believe that big arrogant smile in the older man's face. He was so disgusted and felt like throwing up. The tension caused by anger filled his body and his hands formed to fists again. It happened before he realized he was moving closer to his father. His right fist went straight to his fathers plastic smile.

Eddie went down again. Struggling to get up again and then trying to smile again and reaching out for his oldest son. But Hank didn't care about his attempts. He stood there ready for the next blow, if Eddie didn't get the message the first time. His father saw it would make no sense to say anything now. He opened his mouth to tell his son goodbye, but as soon as his lips moved away from each other Hank yelled at him that he was sure the whole Hamptons could hear it: "Fuck you!"

The doctor was so furious, he had never felt this angry before. There was a look in his fathers eyes that he couldn't read right away. But when the man turned around and ran out of the house, Dr. Hank Lawson knew that he had seen fear in his fathers eyes. And this satisfaction made him grin. Well, mixed with the anger the grin made him look like some kind of mad man. But still, he felt much stronger and better now.

After staring at the door for a while he turned towards his brothers room and went to see if the yelling has waken Evan. He was glad to find his brother still asleep. He used the time to look all over the room. Not knowing what he was looking for, but sure there had to be something, if only more bottles. When he went down on his knees to look under the bed, he smelt some alcohol next to him. The floor was wet. _Hm, Evan had the bottle in his arms. Why is the alcohol here? And why wasn't it on the bed or the floor next to it? _He didn't know why, but those thoughts put a strange feeling in his gut. Something was just not right.

The second thing that seemed to be wrong was the notebook bag in the room **without** the notebook, because Hank knew it was on Evans desk. That was so not Evan. His younger brother was very careful with his stuff especially with everything that had to do with their business. Hank smiled about that fact. His brother could be so restless and hyperactive causing chaos around him, but he still managed to have his things in order. Like the eye of a hurricane. So it made the empty notebook bag even stranger.

Their was something else that caught his attention. A box beneath the bed. He pulled it closer. It was locked and the key wasn't there. _Of course not! It wouldn't make any sense to lock something and then leaving the key, would it? _But there was something written on top of the box. He smiled at his brothers nice sharp handwriting that said in big black letters: MY LIFE OR WHAT IT SEEMS TO BE

He wondered about the meaning of the words. He was sure that he knew the content of the box. His brothers diaries that he had written since he learned writing. Similar boxes were in a storage that Evan had rented in NY, when they had moved away. Still the last part of the words left him worrying a lot more. _Or what it seems to be. What does that mean? My life __**or**__ what it seems to be. That implies that he doesn't live the life he wants to or is he hiding things and puts on a show to please me? I have to find out. Henry Lawson! There is no way you're going to read his diaries. That's not right and it's so not going to happen! Shit! I'm sure there is some kind of hint why and how he got into this!_


	19. Chapter 19

_Dear guest, don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean bad and I didn't feel offended, but I realized what made you think or feel this way and so I wanted to explain it somehow. I am so happy that you and the other people even stop by and read what I write and if you on top of that take the time and write a review - you really make my day - so all my thanks to all of you out there, no matter who or where you are:)_

* * *

_The men are hurting the boy and his father is sitting and watching, but not doing anything about it. The kid cries, is scared and alone in this, no way out. There are just to many men. 'Why isn't Dad helping?' he thinks. But he knows the answer, just doesn't want it to be true. Denying it means to have hope that his Daddy does love him after all. He knows better though, but hope isn't a bad thing, is it?_

_Denying is hard, but gets easier with growing up. The boy has learned about that too well in his short life. He runs away from the men. His father follows him and holds him back, turns the boy around and swings his arm hard enough that the back of his fist hits the side of the chin and the cheek of the six-year-old. The boy is dizzy, feels darkness coming, but in the end it is not the pain that knocks him out. It's the moment, when his father leaves and he reaches for his face and there is blood on his hands. He falls down, unconscious before his head hits the ground, leaving him exposed to the dirt and in the rain._

_The boy wakes up, there is still the blood on his hands – his eyes are closed, but he can feel it. Afraid to find himself out on the dark street where his father has left him after running away, he hesitates to open them. But he decides he has to, if he wants to go home. Sadly the boy doesn't even know the real meaning of 'home', it's just where he lives. It's like a war zone for him or hell, but he's brother is there, too and that is a good thing. Thinking about his brother lets him open his eyes. _

_He was right. The blood is still on his hands. But something has changed. It's not dark and he's not outside. He can smell something like sickness or so. He sits up and looks around. There is a woman lying in a bed. Realization brings fear and desperation, this is his Mom. But why is she looking so ugly? When his father left with him before going to see those men that hurt him, Mom has been alright, doing homework with Hank and preparing dinner. He's confused and cries. He gets up on his feet looking for a sink to put cold water on his wrists and in his face, Hank has told him that it would help to feel better soon and he always believed and trusted in whatever his big brother would tell him. There's a mirror over the sink. And he sees himself, but it's not him, more an older version of him, he looks more the age of Hank now and his brother is ten, **was** ten when he last saw him this morning. _

_His father is still gone, left him bleeding and waking up to a different place with a now sick mother and a different time, like he's some sort of time traveler. And the boy does what he's been doing all his life, when he was hurt, scared or lonely. He starts screaming, screaming for his older brother!_

"HAAAAAAAAANK! HAAAAAAAAAAANK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!"

Hank sat on the couch, going through the financial reports Evan had finished and wanted to talk to him about for a few days now. They had other stuff to worry about right now, but since he hadn't anything else to do, he decided to look at them. He could still ask Evan, if there was something he couldn't understand. He was running a hand through his hair. Truth to be told, he didn't understand one single thing about that stuff, even though Evan had probably explained a hundred times how to read the financial reports. The doctor smiled. _Guess there is a thing he's better in than I am. _

He decides to give up and watch some TV instead. The news of the day. Great war, murder, fires and so on. Oh, politics. Yeah, pretty much the same as a battlefield. Maybe not as deadly. Not in their part of the world. He's going through the channels, bored most of the time. The discovery channel has some kind of interview with a doctor about diseases like Crohn's and stuff like that. Hank is pretty familiar with those, but he's always willing to learn something new. It's medicine, it's a constant changing world. In all his years working as a doctor he has met a lot of doctors that were so sure about everything they did, and didn't want to change their methods. They worked, but if new therapies were as efficient but less invasive, why not trying it? Better for the patients.

Hanks cell was buzzing. A text message. From Eddie. 'still mad?' _What the fuck?! Sick bastard! I could sooo kill you right now! _What kind of question was that? Had his father lost his mind? There was no way he was going to react on that. It made him sick to his stomach.

His thoughts went back to the earlier events of the day. He has thrown his father out – twice today. One thing Eddie has said was probably true, that it wasn't his fault that Evan has drunken while he has been there. But Hanks point was that Eddie didn't look for his son to find him drinking earlier or even prevent it. _Damn Evan! You're just too good for this world. Eddie doesn't care at all and you give so much more – he doesn't deserve your love. _A single tear left his eye. _I have to change it, but I know it's gonna break your precious kind heart. I'm so sorry, kiddo. _Hank couldn't help, but think that his brother probably had some serious issues on his mind to deal with and that the drinking was an easy way to forget about them for a while. If he could just go in and read the diaries, but that was out of question. And how could he possibly add the disappointing truth about their father to those problems?

He tried to focus on the screen again. The doctor was gone and they showed some interviews with people that had some of those illnesses. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't focus on anything else right now. He was so scared for his brother, his hands were trembling. He needed a drink! He rouse, just to sit down again and leave out a sigh. _Shit! Great Hank, that's the best way to help him! You're nervous? Just get yourself a drink and all will be good. Good joke. Really? You're the smart __one in the family? Yeah, well didn't prove it just now! _He knew of course, that it's not bad to drink now and then, but it wasn't good to do so around his brother or in their home for that matter.

He got up again to drink some water and put some cold water on his wrists and his face. It usually helped, when he was nervous, but he wasn't so confident in it for today. But he decided that trying would make him smarter. He was just turning to follow his plan, when he heard a hurt, desperate, scared-to-death-voice screaming something. He froze by the tone, but when realization sat in, that this voice belonged to his beloved family and that it was screaming for him, he ran with a pounding heart, ran like it was for his life. But despite the speed, he felt like it took him for eternity to reach his brothers room and bed.

When he finally reached his goal, he froze again. Evan was tossing and turning in bed, shaking, holding his hands up, palms up – just like he was standing and holding them in front of him disgusted by whatever he could see there. But that wasn't the worst, by God it was harmless compared to... well, his baby brother seemed like a young boy, that was terrified, lost and alone in a cruel world, left by himself in his time of greatest horror, crying for his older brother asking, no! BEGGING for some sort of help or mercy? _Salvation! Oh my, God! Not true, it can't be true! It's Evan, the annoying but funny, happy, hyperactive clown. He can't be, just can not be so broken! Henry! Get a grip on yourself! If he wasn't so broken, he wouldn't drink! Yeah, but it's __**Evan**__, man, you know?! _

Hank closed his eyes for a short moment and knelt down beside the bed, cleared his throat. "Evan? Evan! Hey, EVAN!" No change. He shook his brother, but he didn't wake up. The doctor got on his feet and pressed one of his knees on the bed right by his brothers body. He bent over and grabbed Evan's shoulders again, this time he shook him harder and yelled at him: "EVAN R. LAWSON WAKE UP!"

Evan reacted, his eyes opened wide, panic and horror still visible. His screams were not so loud anymore, but he was still trembling all over and he still had his hands in this very strange position. Hank set down on the bed and tried to push them aside, but Evan wouldn't let that happen. He tried harder and with some more force he got the hands down on his brothers sides. Evan seemed only half-awake his eyes still staring and his begging going on, only whispers though. _Still, yeah there is the fucking word again, still a prisoner of his dream. And you_'re _face is so wet, no, are those tears? _The sight was breaking Hank's heart and there was nothing he could do about it.

Hank brought his brother in a sitting position and sat down behind him, legs along Evan's legs, back on his chest and his brothers head between his neck and shoulder. He struggled to find a soothing voice and the right words, but wasn't very successful. "It's okay, Evan, I'm here now, you're save, I take care of you and won't leave you alone." He kissed his brothers curly hairs and held him so close that he's almost afraid he's gonna hurt him, but he himself was so terrified now, that there was no way he'd soften the hug.

The body in his arms relaxed somewhat and the pleading finally changed to loud sobbing, what shook Evan's body again, but this time it was a good way. Evan was awake now, full aware of his brother behind him, kissing and comforting him and he felt ashamed for crying like a little girl... _lil gal...that's what dad said, when I would cry_.. This thought brought up a new wave of crying, shaking and hot tears.

"It's okay, kiddo, I got you, just relax and let it all out and when you're ready you just tell me about it and I'll be here listening to you." Hanks noticed that Evan was struggling. What he didn't know was that inside his baby brother a dangerous battle was started by his words. One side had the need to tell Hank all about his dreams and the stuff related to them and those dreams about the people coming in their house to torture and drug him vs. the other side trying to hide all the pains, fears, disappointments, loneliness and other stuff to protect himself and most of all his all-life hero Hank.


	20. Chapter 20

Evan was sleeping and Hank made sure that he didn't have any more nightmares before leaving his brother alone in his bed and room. He didn't get much information from his brother about the upsetting dream, but that was okay for now. He was glad that Evan found some relief and peace.

Hank started to prepare dinner. He had to see two patients in a bit. Not sure how long he would be gone, he decided to prepare dinner now, so that he only had to cook it, when he would be back. _If I only knew what I'm doing, let's hope we don't get food poisoning on top of it. Evan would laugh about me, if he'd see me working on dinner like it was some sort of unexplored area in a jungle. I'm not cooking __**this**__ bad. _Hank smiled. He could almost hear Evan's voice telling him it was even worse than **this** bad. _Yeah, I know. But I'm going to learn. With Evan gone or in therapy, I think he's gonna need more alone-time or rest. _He laughed. "He'll survive. Probably pretend to be sick, but survive," he thought loud.

He was so not looking forward to cut all the stuff that Evan had stored everywhere. Meat, tomatoes, onions, herbs, red pepper, garlic, cucumber and so on. _Really? How can anybody enjoy all this cooking and cutting and baking? _Hank was more the person to enjoy the good food, not to create it. To make things worse, he had to use one of those cookbooks that Evan had collected in many years, few of them had belonged to their mother or even grandmother. Evan would tell him now that a cook wouldn't use a book, but if he had to use a recipe _Never forget to change or add a little thing and the meal gets a personal touch. Believe me, it makes a difference. Yeah, I know, Ev, remember your words, but... guess lack of creativity here._

To avoid the vegetables as long as possible, the doctor turned away and prepared his bag. He decided to take a look in the patients file to fresh up his memory. His brother had saved every file on all their computer, but Hank was faster picking up the folder and go through it. "If our house will ever burn, you'll be happy, that I have the digital files." His brother had said. But hadn't known what to answer, when Hank had asked, if he planned to sit there surrounded by flames and patiently download all the files or run through the flames to get a computer, since the fire would most likely start in the kitchen, _probably when Hank cooked,_ and that was pretty close to where their technical equipment was, well at least the computer stuff.

_And if you'd do such a stupid thing just to keep the business running for me – and I somehow know you would – you were dead in no time. The flames will kill you and I'll kill you again for letting yourself get killed or I will kill you, because you'll come out fine, but put your life at risk. _

Today's patients was a couple in their early sixties. Jennifer and Jonathan Wheeler. When he and Evan had been introduced to them a few months ago, the man had started to tell them their names – starting with both first names and before Hank could have stopped him, Evan had asked if their last name was Hart. They have been surprised, but understood soon enough to smile about it. "Well, but we are as happy, have a butler whose name isn't Max and we have a dog. 'Fluffy'"

Later that evening Evan had told Hank that Fluffy was a pretty silly name for a dog and maybe okay for a cat, but most likely for a rabbit. He had also told him, that he didn't think a good marriage should be like the Hart to Hart one. He had pointed out, that it would be impossible to be happy every day and to have the same opinion on things day in and day out plus the spice in the recipe would be missing and nobody would want to eat the same for their rest of the life.

_Yeah, and than you told me to look at you and me, that our relationship would just work out fine, because we have discussions now and then, but still love each other. And you didn't understand, when I said that it's different to be married than to be brothers. I know, because I was married._

He started cutting the red peppers, when the doorbell rang. He was happy for every distraction as long as it wasn't their father again. A smile appeared on his face, when he recognized Emily standing outside. "Hey beauty, come in."

"Hi Hank. I could get used to such a sweet welcome."

He laughed. "And it's even getting better." He kissed her long and with passion. She was the only thing in his life that was going quite good right now. He knew that there would come a time to make decisions about her and Evan. He wouldn't want to choose one, even though if he had, it would always be his brother as long as he wouldn't love her very much. But they weren't together very long and it might change with time passing. He wouldn't leave his brother, but it might be possible that he and Emily would live together in a few months or so and it wouldn't do any good living with Evan, because the two just didn't get along.

"You said you couldn't come over, but there is no reason that I couldn't stay here, right? That's why I'm here. Thought you could need some company."

"I'm glad you came. I was just preparing dinner and cook it after I come back from two patients. Just check-ups nothing big."

"Well, I'll finish preparation and you go see your patients. Call me, when you leave them and I start cooking."

"Sounds good to me. I'm looking for Evan before I leave. Maybe you can just check on him an hour after I leave, would you?"

"Sure."

Hank went to his brothers room. He found Evan tossing and turning in bed, talking to someone in his sleep. "Daddy, don't let them hurt me, please. So much pain, Daddy why don't you love me? Help me." Tears were running down the younger Lawson's cheeks. "Please, Daddy, stop them. Nooooooooo!" Hank couldn't bear to hear more pleading and fear. But he sure wanted to find out what Eddie had done to his baby brother. _Eddie! Why is it always him?! _

"Evan, wake up, you're just having a bad dream. Sssshhhh... it's okay, I'm here."

"Hank?"

"Yes, Evan, just relax."

"Hank, please help me, don't let them hurt me, pleeeassse!" That's when Doctor Lawson realized that Evan was still asleep.

_Fuck! I'm so gonna kill Eddie! _He put his hands on his brothers shoulder and gently woke him. "You're fine, nobody is gonna hurt you, Evan. I'll take care of you. It's just a dream. Relax. I'm here."

The tension and fear in his brother slowly vanished, but the tears didn't. Evan was crying and broke his brothers heart. He felt Hank's arms around him and rested his head on his chest. He let Hank comfort him and felt save from the horrible memories and the dreams that never stopped since he was a young boy. He knew Hank would have questions about it, and knew he couldn't tell him, but for now he was just happy his hero was here and he really needed this comfort so much. "I'm so sorry, Henry, but I'm glad you're here with me."

"Yes, me too. And it's not your fault. Don't worry about. You don't have to talk about it right now." _Did he read my mind?_ Evan was surprised by the words, but his brother went on: "We talk about everything, when you feel ready to and if you don't we just won't talk about it. Don't worry about anything. I'm here whenever you need me, do you hear me, Evan?"

"Yes, thank you. I'm crying like a girl, huh?" He tried to smile.

"No, that's totally okay." Hank smiled back and then grinned. "Don't worry, **Eve**!"

They both laughed and the rest of the stress and tension was gone.

"Evan, I have to see the Wheelers, but I will hurry and come back soon. Is it okay or would you rather have me stay? I could ask Emily, if she'd go for me."

"No, I'm fine. Just go and tell them I said hi. We don't want to lose any patients to that girlfriend of yours."

"Evan, it would be a favor, nothing else. But if you're fine, I will drive now. If you need anything, call for Emily. She's outside preparing dinner. We'll eat, when I come back. It won't be too long, but you can get some more sleep, if you want to."

"Mmmmhhhh, yeah, okay." He wondered when she had come and didn't like to have the snake around, but he wanted to avoid arguments. His brother was there for him and he wanted to give him some peace back. Even though he didn't have a good feeling about it. Something was going to happen, he could feel it, but didn't know what it would be.

Evan didn't have to wait long to find out. He needed to use the restroom and he was also running low on water. He got up carefully, trying to ignore his aching body and head. He luckily wasn't too dizzy and not sick enough to vomit, what he was very thankful for. After getting his new bottle and finishing his business in the restroom he slowly went back to his room. He froze, when he heard Emily talking on the phone. "Yes, a room for two. Yes, we're a couple. I want a great room with whirlpool and an amazing view. Let me know, if you find something for him and me. I'd say as soon as possible. We'd stay for at least two weeks. Maybe Saint Tropez. I'm organizing the tickets myself as soon as you find something. Okay, I'm waiting for your call. Bye."

Evan felt cold and alone. Didn't Hank say he would be helping him to get everything started and be with him in therapy? Evan sat down on his bed. His heart hurt, the emotional pain that the loneliness and the disappointment caused was more that he could take. He was falling and nobody would be there to catch him.


	21. Chapter 21

Hank didn't stay long at the Wheeler's house. They had plans for the late evening and he was actually glad, that they didn't keep him as long as usually. Sure, Emily was at their place to take an eye on his little brother, but he just felt better when he himself could take care of things. It's not that he didn't trust her, but Evan was his responsibility, has somehow always been, plus Evan didn't like Emily and Hank wasn't sure, if his brother could swallow his pride and ask her for help, if it wasn't an 911-emergency.

As he drove home, he saw a new small store placed between two beautiful small houses. Funny that he never had realized those sweet houses before. One had a "For Sale" sign in the front garden. It was very beautiful. But what caught his eyes in the first place was the little store. It sold sweet little cakes and pies and chocolate artworks. Not just random chocolate, beautiful lovely things in premium-quality. That's at least what the letters on the big windows promised. _Evan loves chocolate and stuff. He needs something to make him smile. _

Dr. Lawson parked his car and entered the "lovely cakes & first class chocolate". The first thing he did was standing there and looking around. The variety was overwhelming and he smiled at the thought that his baby brothers would love this place. It was a bit too much for himself with all the decorations around, but yeah, the youngest Lawson would definitely 'adopt' this one.

A woman in hear early forties came from a room in the back of the store. "Bonsoir! I'm Vanessa. Is there anything I can do for you, sir?" She smiled. Her french accent was barely notable, but still there and it was sweet like the whole place and Hank couldn't help but wonder if the sweets or the woman were sweeter. Especially after the second woman appeared. "Melissa, can you help our new customer to find something?"

"Sure. Bonsoir! As you probably heard, I'm Melissa." The woman smiled even lovelier than the one before. She was younger, probably Evan's age. No accent, at least no foreign.

"Well, Melissa I'm Hank and I'm looking for a gift."

"Oh we have many of those. Who is the lucky one?"

"My younger brother. He's sick and I want something to make him smile. He loves all the sweet things, I sometimes think he's addicted to sugar."

"Don't worry about that. If he was, he wouldn't need anything else to smile. You know that sugar makes you happy and feel healthier." She smiled again.

"You're probably right, but I guess a dentist would disagree."

"Nah, believe me, my sister and I had a similar store in Tampa before we moved here a few weeks ago and two of our best customer were dentists." She laughed and then whispered: "They ordered cupcakes and chocolate as gifts for patients. Funny, huh?"

"Yeah, true." Hank couldn't help but laugh with her. "So Vanessa is your sister?"

"That's what I've been told, but I'm not sure sometimes... she can be so serious and I'm the one who can't sit still and always try to make her laugh."

"Well, I guess than you are a lot like my brother and I'm afraid I'm more like your sister. Nice to meet you both." She smiled and waited for him to go ahead. "As I said my brother is sick and I need something to make him smile." _I guess a date with you sure would, if he was in any shape right now._

"Oh, I hope it's nothing serious. Let me see, we have some very little apple pies or cupcakes. A lot of different chocolates. What about an apple pie with cinnamon and rum? Or some chocolate tools."

"My brother is bad with tools, his in danger around them, I'm not sure if his better with them, when they are made of chocolate."

"You're funny and you say your brother is the funnier one? He's probably the funniest person here, huh? But we also ha-" Her sister called her name and didn't sound good at all. "Just a moment, sir!" She turned away and ran in the back room.

Hank could hear someone groan and it certainly sounded like a seizure. The doctor mode sat in right away. "Is anything wrong? I'm a doctor, I can help!"

"God, thank you! Hank come in. It's my sister, she has a seizure."

Hank got in and knelt down by Vanessa's side. The seizure was already going away, she wasn't cramping or convulsing as much as she probably had before. "Did she have seizures before?"

"Yes, since a car accident 23 years ago. She's epileptic, but the last one was three years or so ago. That's when she got her new medicine."

"Does she has the medicine here?"

"She usually has some in her clutch." Melissa was looking for the pills, but didn't find them. "Now, that's strange. There are no..."

"d-don' have them.." Vanessa said, still confused and not focused, breathing hard, but obviously okay.

"I'm Dr. Lawson, Hank, and I want you to lie still for me, so that I can examine you." Hank looked in her eyes, got her pulse and watched out for any kind of injuries that the fall might have caused. "How do you feel?"

"I'm feeling better, just some dizziness and nausea, but nothing out of the ordinary, just the after effects of the fit. I didn't have seizures for 34 months now, but we moved here a couple of weeks ago and I didn't have a chance to find a doctor yet, with our opening times and so on, well that's why I didn't have a prescription."

Hank nodded. "I go outside to the car and get my bag to write you a prescription. And Melissa, I think I want some different chocolate things and a vanilla cream cupcake." He ran to his car to get the bag and got back to Vanessa, who was now sitting on a chair in the store. He asked her which medication she was on and he wrote it down and handed the prescription to her. "If there is any kind of problem, please call me." He handed her his card.

"Thank you Dr. Henry Lawson, concierge-doctor? Wow, that's just what I was looking for I'm glad that you were here and please take whatever you want for helping me. It's on the house."

"You're welcome and I take a few things for my brother, but I pay them. It's a gift for him and it wouldn't feel right to give him something that I didn't pay."

Melissa came back with some beautiful pieces of chocolate and a cupcake. "There are a few with nuts and rum, some with amaretto and some different without alcohol -"

"I'm sorry, but … but please just things without alcohol, I should have told you.." Hank was nervous now, the situation was so new to him that he felt distressed.

"It's okay, Doctor Lawson. Melissa, I finish this. Would you go through the things for our next order?" She waited until Melissa left and then started to talk again. "Don't worry, I will find some good things for your brother. I heard you say earlier that he was sick. Sorry, that I ask so bluntly, but is he having an alcohol problem?"

He first didn't know what to say, somewhat irritated that she would even ask him. But after she told him that her father had been a drinker most of his life and that she wouldn't tell anyone, he told her about Evan. She gave him a few ideas of what to do to help him and he was very thankful, she also told him that her sister didn't know much about the drinking of their father.

"What's your brothers name and job?"

"Evan and he is an accountant – actually CFO of HankMed."

"Okay, let me see... I guess you are very close?"

"Yes, he's all the family I have left." Hank didn't know why, but he felt close to tears.

She finished a chocolate piece with the words 'For Evan the best brother and an amazing CFO' and placed it on top of the cupcake. "What do you think?"

"That's perfect for him. You're great." He paid and left the store with a lot of expensive but great sweet stuff for his brother. Hank suddenly felt the urgent need to be home and hold his brother tight.

While his brother was on his way back, Evan was laying on the floor of his room. He had tried to get some clothes packed and then put his Samsonite in his wardrobe, because he wouldn't leave before Hank was gone and he was alone in the house. Just leaving his brother a short letter to let him know. He would write the letter before he left. He didn't want to be a burden of any kind.

He didn't know, why his brother hadn't told him about his plans to visit Europe with Emily. He would have understood. His brother was maybe ashamed to leave him behind for two weeks in his situation or maybe they had planned the trip before Evan's problem had occurred, but why hadn't Hank mentioned it before? He would give his brother a chance to tell him about it. He was sure that Emily would tell him tonight or in the morning. If Hank didn't tell him by noon the next day, Evan would be ready to leave. He wasn't sure where and how long or if he would ever come back, but he knew he had to go, if that's necessary in order to make his brother happier. There was no way, he was standing in his older brothers way of life.

Anyway, he was just going back to his bed, when dizziness had taken over and he couldn't help but fall. Several waves of pain tortured his whole body and made him scream and groan. He tried to get up, only to fall back on the floor again shaken by another round of pain. Silent tears were running down his cheeks. He was a failure, has been all his life and now he had fallen too deep to keep his poker-face up and hide the truth. He has been good in hiding for the last 26 years, but not anymore. Just another reason for him to leave, before Hank would find out the whole ugly truth.

Hank was coming back. He heard him talking to Emily. _The snake, I'd never thought a bitch like her could change everything_. Emotional and physical pain and frustration made him cry some more. He tried to sit up and turn around, when his brother came in. "Hey Henry."

"Evan what are you doing on the floor? Are you ok?" The doctor put the gift for his brother on the bed and knelt down. "What happened?"

"I was just trying to get up and walk around some to get my legs working. I was dizzy and then I just fell. I'm okay so far, but still dizzy. Would be nice if you could help me up, man."

"Of course!" Hank put an arm around his brother and helped him up to his feet and to the bed. "Why didn't you call Emily for help?"

_'cos she's a bitchy snake, 'cos I don't like her and she hates me even more, 'cos if she'd really care she would have come in, when I was screaming in pain earlier, it's impossible that she didn't hear it, 'cos you're going to leave me alone with my problems so it really doesn't matter how I am doing..._"'Cos I'm stupid and thought I could make it on my own! Did it earlier today." _That's when I found out that I will be left behind in just a week_

"It's okay, Ev. I understand that you don't like to depend on someone all the time. But you sure liked to be taken care of, when we were much younger." Hank smiled, but Evan couldn't share that.

"Yeah, but I was a kid then, Henry!"

"Don't be grouchy, kiddo. I brought you a gift."

"Why? Do you have any confessions to make?"

"No! I just like to surprise my brother, when he's a pain in the ass."

Evan opened the first box and found some different pieces of chocolate with almonds, nuts and so on in the shape of cars, planes and other things. He put one in his mouth. "Yummy! This Porsche is so amazing tasty, we should buy a real one, if they are anything close to this." He smiles, fifty percent because the chocolate is the best he ever had and fifty percent because his brother tried to do something for him.

"I'm glad you like it and i" Hank couldn't finish, because Evan pushed a piece of chocolate in his mouth. And it wow, it was really good! "That's good stuff, you're right. And please have a look into the second box. Do you want to have dinner here or in the living room?"

"Here, do you join me? I know Emily is waiting outside, but...please?"

Hank thought a while back when he had the urgent need to hold his brother and the need is still there, so he nodded and left the room to get their dinner. Emily had told him before that she had already eaten some, because she was starving and tired. He told her now to rest and that he'll come back after having dinner with his brother.

He came back with their dinner and sat down on the bed. "Did you like it?"

"I wait to open it. Do it after dinner, okay?"

"Sure, I brought you a new water bottle and not too much dinner, because you shouldn't put too much on your tummy after vomiting so much. What makes me feel like an idiot now, because I bought you so much chocolate and this other thing – for dessert. I have to admit that I didn't prepare much of this dinner, but I'm glad that Emily did, because it's much better than mine would have been, but..." He laid a hand on Evans knee and looked him in the eyes. "...it's not even half as good as your cooking. You're really amazing in that and in many other things."

Evan blushed. "Thanks, Henry. Means a lot to me." He finished his dinner, drank some water and opened his last gift. When he smelled the vanilla cream and saw the cupcake, he couldn't help but smile. Then he saw it... the letters on the chocolate. Best brother... "That's so cool! Thanks, Hank!"

"I'm glad you like it." The doctor looked at his brother when the cupcake was put into his hand and the younger man took a picture of him and the cupcake with his cellphone. "What was that?"

"I just wanted to keep this moment. A memory, you never know when you're gonna need one. Something to remind you of the important things in life." He ate the chocolate and shared the cupcake with his brother.

After they finished and talked about the Wheelers for a while, Hank saw that Evan was getting tired and told him to rest. He smiled when his brother closed his eyes and was almost asleep by the time he was at the door. But...

"Henry?"

"Yes, Evan?"

"I love you, man." Evan slurred the words in his sleepiness, but Hank looked back at him for a few seconds and he wasn't even sure that his baby brother was still awake when he told him "I love you more, Evan, you'll never know how much."

Emily was lying on the couch. She didn't sleep. She was too angry to sleep. Hank hadn't spent more than ten minutes with her today. Sure they still had the night, but anyway... she was upset. Of course it was about Evan, again. That retarded idiotic bastard, she hoped that she could get rid of him somehow, but didn't know how, especially when Hank was so much more worried about the guy than she had ever thought before. _Oh well, and here I thought I had them nearly split up._ She listened to Hanks footsteps coming closer and closed her eyes to pretend she was sleeping.


	22. Chapter 22

The night has been pretty uneventful. Evan had waken up once to use the restroom and throw up. It had taken him a while after that to fall asleep again.

He was now in a deep nightmare. He struggled to wake up, but couldn't.

_Your mother is sick and we need the money, you have to do it. It's not like you have a choice. I want it and you do it. The father pushes the boy in a room, where a few people are waiting for him. He knows that it's not right that he has to do things, but he still doesn't know what it is that is going to happen. He is so scared and runs away, trying to find a way home, but he doesn't know how to get there and even if he does, he knows his brother won't be there to protect him. He hears steps, someone is coming closer and he feels hands on his shoulder. The boy starts screaming._

"Please don't touch me, go away!"

"Evan, wake up!" Hank shook him a second time.

"Hurts..nooooo! Daddy, help me...Daddy!"

_Eddie, I swear I'm gonna kill you, when you hurt him! _He took his brother in his arms and held him tight. "It's okay, Evan, I'm here, it's okay."

The screaming changed into sobbing. Evan cried uncontrollable, but was not totally awake, yet. "Daddy, why? Don't... Hank, please tell him to stop. It hurts."

"It's okay, I'm here, Evan. It's Hank, ok? I won't let anybody hurt you. Never."

Things went this way for a while until Evan was relaxed and exhausted from the nightmare and its effects on him. Hank and Emily left together, both had patients to see. And Evan slept for a while till the bell rang. He slowly got up and let his father in. "Dad, what do you want? Henry isn't here."

"Oh son, it's not Henry I want to see. I'm here to spend some time with you!"

"I'm sorry, Dad, but I don't feel really good and..."

"Let's go out for a belated breakfast or an early lunch. I'll pay!"

"I don't know, well okay, why not? I need a quick shower. Give me a few minutes. It would be nice to drink a coffee before we leave, will you make some?"

"Sure, I was afraid you would never ask."

Evan went into the shower, he wasn't really sure, why his father wanted to spend time with him, but he had longed for such rare times since he was a boy. So he wouldn't miss the chance now. He felt pain all over his body, not really knowing why. Ignoring that his skin didn't feel as smooth as it always had.

_Daddy, please help me... hurts.._ Thoughts, memories of his nightmares flashed through his mind. _Just nightmares, really? Sure, nightmares... but they felt so real. _Evan pushed them away. He didn't want to think about such things, not now, when he had some time to spend with his father, before he'd leave into an uncertain future.

He didn't feel too dizzy and just a little sick, it must be a good sign, that everything will work out fine, maybe he didn't have to leave in the end. Who knew, if Hank might tell him about his plans today and tell Emily he couldn't go? He had new hope.

Eddie had their coffee finished. He was the only Lawson that used sugar, the boys were just like his dead wife – coffee and milk. "Sit down, son. This is yours. Drink it as long as it is warm."

Evan smiled at his father and was so looking forward to his coffee. It smelled great, that alone gave him strength. Eddie drank his coffee fast, looking at his youngest. "Henry told me you weren't to good. How do you feel now?"

A wave of dizziness washed over Evan's brain and made him moan for a moment, but then it was gone. "Pretty good, I'm actually doing fine today." Nausea. Speaking was harder for him all of a sudden. "How, h-how come ya want.. wanna go out ta-today?"

"I just want to talk to you without Hank around. Him and I had some fights. I guess he told you."

"Don't know... can't remember. Where do you wanna go?" Evan tried to focus on his father, but their were three of them.

"Is something wrong, boy?"

"Just dizzy, Dad. No! Call Hank, think I'm gonna pas..." Evan fell over before he could finish his words. His father held him. Evan wasn't unconscious – he just wasn't aware of himself anymore. Eddie helped him up on his feet and brought him outside to his car. Evan just walked with him, no clear thought could be formed in his mind and he just did what he was ordered to.

"No worries, son, I'll drive you. It's faster. And you will feel much better in no time. We don't need to call Hank away from his patients." He smiled and laid a hand on his sons cheek. Just relax. Evan's head rested on his palm, before he took it away. "I'm gonna take care of you."

A car stopped a few hours later near some trees. A man got out of the car, before it sped away. He walked for a while, but fell every few steps; he seemed to be disorientated and confused. The man struggled his way forward. He wanted to cross the road. There is no car nearby and he started to the other side.

Two women were outside a house and just closing the door. "A store." The man tried to focus on them. He had almost reached the other side, when car drove by and one of the women shouted out to the man to get away from there. He didn't hear her, but saw the car and jumped off the road. But it's too late, his right leg got hit by the car down from the knee to his foot. He rolled around in the air and hit the ground near. His head crushes into a nearby tree and starts to bleed. The women ran to him. There was a noise that they didn't recognize.

When they finally knelt down by the man, they saw the head wound, the strange way his right ankle laid, the blood around his knee and several cuts along his arms with glass shards in them. The man smelled like a liquor store. One broken bottle was buried under his shoulder.

"Melissa, call an ambulance."

"No, don't, it's important, call my doctor... Hank." The man is conscious, but that was his last coherent moment. He tried to get his wallet, but his hands didn't want to obey.

But the younger woman surprised him. "It's Dr. Lawson, right? I have his number, I call him. Who are you?"

"I...I.. am.." His eyes rolled back in his head and he kept mumbling, words that made no sense and noises that weren't words.

"Dr. Lawson? Here is Melissa, the one from the store. There was an accident in front of our store. The driver is gone, but the man that got hit by the car is bleeding and didn't want an ambulance. He asked to call you?" She listened for a while. "No, I'm sorry, Hank, he is also very drunken and it's impossible to get anything out of him. The last he said was to call you!" She looked with relief at her sister and hung up. "Okay, he will be here in ten minutes."

"Oh God, I think I know who this man is! I hope I'm wrong." Vanessa stared at the man then at her sister. "I think he's Hank's brother."


	23. Chapter 23

Hank kept his promise and arrived 9 minutes after the call at the store. He looked at the man that was bent over to vomit. He stopped the car and ran to the three people. "What happened? Who is it?" He asked while the man was still throwing anyone could answer he saw the back of the man's head, saw the hair. "Evan!"

His brother turned around, vomit running down his chin, wide glassy eyes. "Hank, glad you're here!" He cried with hanging shoulders. Exhaustion, pain and extreme fear let him look like a vulnerable kid and his head rested on his big brothers chest before Hank could say anything.

"It's okay, Evan, I'm here." Hank held his brother tight and rubbed his hands down Evan's back. He was angry, when he noticed his drunken state. He stank like he had taken a shower in alcohol, but all the anger was gone, when the hot tears wet his chest. Something was very wrong. He trusted Evan and couldn't believe that he would have left the house to drink so much. "It's okay, kiddo. Please let me look at you. I'm sure you're in a lot of pain.

"Yes, my leg hurts like hell and I have a bad headache. Thank you, Henry." The doctor nodded and had a look at the head wound. He cleaned it carefully and decided that it didn't need stitches. He looked in the eyes and was pretty sure that his brother was dizzy, but didn't have a concussion.

"You don't seem to have a concussion, but I think we should call for an MRI in the hospital. Let me see your leg." _Please don't let his ankle and knee cap be broken. Oh Ev, all this blood._ He examined the ankle and foot first. The foot was bruised, but okay. "Just some painkiller and two weeks and your foot will be fine. Your ankle is swollen, but I think it isn't broken, probably snapped, when you hit the ground."

"Or when the car hit him," Vanessa said.

Hank was so busy worrying and taking care of his brother that he forgot about the two women. "Yes. Did you see what happened?"

"Well, we were cleaning the floor and had the door wide opened. A car came to a stop and we heard a door open and close then the car sped away. We were finished and walked out, locking the door, when we saw your brother stumble and swaying, before he started crossing the road. He actually was aware enough to look for any cars before he did. When he was almost on this side of the road a car came by with way too much speed. We tried to warn him, but it was too late. He saw the car and tried to jump away, but the car hit him on his leg and he was thrown through the air, crushing with his head at the tree. That's pretty much all. He was disorientated and most of what he said didn't make any sense except that he insisted of calling you and not for an ambulance. Five minutes after my sister called you, he started vomiting and did so about four times before you came. Too bad we couldn't see the car real good. It was very fast and we were focused on your brother."

Hank suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. The image of his brother flying around after a car hit him, made him angry and anxious. "Thank you for taking care of him. He was lucky that both of you were here to help him and I'm glad you called me. If I'd come home and he hadn't be there and I couldn't have reached him, I think I would have died worrying."

"That's okay," both sisters said as one.

He cleaned the leg and was shocked about all the blood. It wasn't enough to be dangerous, but as far as he was concerned every drop of blood from his brother was too much. The knee wasn't smashed or broken, but he had a good idea that there were sprained ligaments. "Okay, Evan. You gonna have to stay in bed as much as possible and probably some therapy after it healed some. Other than that I'm giving you some painkiller and we will do a x-ray at home with our new equipment. Let me have a look under your shirt, will you?"

"Can we do it later at home? Please?"

"Okay, you're right." Than he turned to the women. "I'm gonna stop his bleeding and bandage him. I will drive him home then. You can go now, we kept you enough. Thank you again."

The women left and Hank waited till their car was out of sight. "Evan, why aren't you at home?"

"I don't know, Hank, the last thing I remember is that I slept and then...something woke me, but I don't know what it was."

"Don't lie to me! I'm pretty pissed. You're drunken and walking around the road, where is no room to walk in the first place. You could have been killed, do you think I like that thought? Tell me, do you think I want to find my little brother dead? So, tell me why you left home and where you did get this drunk?"

"I honestly don't know what woke me and what happened … wait someone was on the door. I opened it and let the person in, but everything else is just black."

"You're telling me that you don't remember who was there?"

"I can see how mad you're at me. If I knew, I swear I'd tell you, Hank." Heavy desperate sobbing shook his whole body and the doctor knew his patient, no his brother was telling the truth. Any added pressure would just make things worse.

"Okay, let me fix you and then I'm gonna help you in the car. I believe you, but as soon as you remember you're telling me, alright? Oh, I didn't notice... damn, and let me pull the shards out of you and clean those wounds, too."

Evan nodded, calmer but still crying. His emotions were so messed up that he didn't groan or hissed in pain, while his brother was working on him. But that was probably good so, because Hank was sure that the pain would be immense and he thought that Evan would be in enough pain for the next days.

He was busy for another twenty minutes and it took five minutes to get his brother into the car without hurting his leg. He carried most of the younger Lawson's weight and found himself thankful that it wasn't much to carry, but he felt guilt at the thought as soon as he had it, because his brother had lost some more weight lately and was now definitely underweight. He gave him strong painmeds with a syringe to make it work faster. Evan tried to pull back his arm, when he saw what his older brother was up to and for a moment there was so much fear in his eyes and he looked like a panicking wounded animal. But after a few soothing words from his brother he let him do it's job. The medicine worked fast and he was already pretty out of it, when his brother closed his belt.

Hank got on the driver seat and stared at Evan for a while. He felt like crying himself. Just the thought that his brother could have laid there, dead, let his own body ache. He would find out what had happened, why Evan didn't stay at home and he would find the bastard that had hit his brother with the car and then just drove ahead, like Evan wasn't worth anything at all. Not even taking the time to see, if there was any help needed. _You're gonna pay for this, pray that the police finds you before I do!_

Driving home had never felt this far. Silence filled the car, all he could hear was the breathing of his brother and it wasn't very calming. It was irregular, probably because of the pain, the shock and of course the heavy alcohol abuse. He hoped his brother would remember more of what had happened, when he had some good rest and time to relax a bit.

He got out of the car and then got his brother. Evan woke up and tried to keep his eyes open, but didn't succeed. "Come on, wonderboy, try to stay with me for a few moments. I need you to help me with bringing you to the house and to your bed. Will you do it for me?"

Evan nodded and kept his eyes half opened. He was just jumping along with one leg, but it did help his brother. Hank smiled when he finally got him into bed. "Thanks, you did a good job. I'm glad you helped me."

"Do anything for you," was the mumbled answer and that made him smile even more. He put the blanket over the now sleeping man on the bed and sat down for a moment to watch him. "You're the best little brother there is and I would do anything for you, too, you deserve it." He leaned over and blow a soft kiss on Evan's forehead, stroked his cheek and left the room.

He went to the kitchen to make some coffee for himself, sure he needed it to stay awake. He felt sleepy and exhausted, but didn't dare to fall asleep, because he was afraid Evan could need him and he would overhear it. He saw the two cups on the couch table, that was the first thing that made him raise an eyebrow, the second was the sugar near the coffee machine.

_Sugar? When did Evan start to use su... Not, Evan, but Eddie does. So he was here to drink coffee with Evan. No, no, I mean he's an asshole, but I can't believe that he took him out to a bar and had some drinks with him after I told him about the problem. Okay, I have to ask Evan, when he wakes up and God knows, Eddie, when I find out that you filled him up and then kicked him out of the car a few miles from home, I won't give you enough time to say your prayers before sending you to hell! _Everything near him fell down to the floor with one fast movement of his arm.

"Uh... is there a problem?" Emily asked. "The door was open so I came in. Seems like it isn't a good timing, huh?"

"Yes! No! It's just a horrible day and I'd like to lay down and just forget about it. Evan is totally drunken and had an accident."

"He drove when he was drunken?" Emily asked shocked.

"No, someone hit him with a car, when he was crossing the road. It wasn't exactly his fault. But I'll find out who did this to him. He isn't hurt very bad, but it still makes me want to yell at someone, you know?"

"Of course, honey." She took him into her arms. _I have no idea what you're talking about. If he'd been killed it would make things difficult, but I wouldn't exactly be sad. Not really, amused fits that much better._

"The next stupid thing is that one of my patients little daughter had surgery today and I have to be at the hospital soon. They want me to talk to the doctor before he leaves. I wish I could cancel it, but it's their child and I know why they want me there and I'd like to see how the girl is doing. Would it be too much to ask, if you could stay with Evan for a while? I think it won't be longer than two or three hours."

"Sure, don't worry, I'm gonna take care of him. Do you want me to look at his wounds or so?"

"No, I think I got all of that done. I'll do the rest, when I'm back and if I have to go to the hospital anyway, I'm gonna set a MRI for asap. Don't think it's that bad, but you never know and I don't take any risks especially when it's my brothers life."

"Okay, I take care of him and give him some painkiller when he wakes up. And you better hurry to come back and kiss me." She smiled. Evan would have said she smiled like a snake at the sight of a mouse.

Dr. Lawson kissed and thanked her and left the house. He hurried to come back soon.

Dr. Peck went to the younger Lawson's room. He was asleep or seemed to be. Truth was that he woke up, when Hank had smashed the door. He knew there was a good reason that his brother had left him alone with her. He was over the silly idea to run away. Hank was taking care of him and he felt good around his big brother. He heard the woman talking on the phone, the door wasn't closed. With a lot of pain he managed to get up and listened.

"I got the tickets for both of us, we can leave in a few days. Only you and me and a lot of money, mine and yours or what will be yours before we leave." She laughed. "I love you, too. The annoying idiot is out of it and I make sure it lasts for a while and his brother is with some patients to take care of them. Why don't you come over? If he comes back earlier, we'll find a way to explain your being here."

_This bitch! She tells someone she loves him and it isn't Henry! How can she do such a thing to someone caring like him? She should be happy to have him and all she does is breaking his heart, when it took him so long to trust another woman at all. I hate her, but I wished I would have been wrong and he could be happy. And she's planned that trip with this other guy and not Hank. Here was I complaining that he didn't tell me, when the poor guy didn't know about it himself. I'm gonna tell him. And when that guy comes here, I try to find out who he is and tell Hank about it, maybe take a pic with my cell phone._

He turned around, but hissed in pain, loud enough for Emily to hear it. He tried to get in bed before she came in, but she was faster and saw him falling on his bed. "What are you doing?"

He wanted to lie at her, but he was just too mad. "I hate you, you betray my brother, when he was so good to you!"

"And what are you gonna do about it?" She laughed.

"I'm gonna tell him everything, about this guy and you and that trip that you and him want to make. St. Tropez, huh? You're such a whore!"

"You think he'll believe a drinker more than his girlfriend?"

"I'm his brother and he knows I wouldn't lie to him, not about this!"

"He also knows, that you never liked me and that, well, could make him doubt you."

"Never!" The bell was ringing and she got up. He tried to follow her, but she was too fast and then he saw Eddie coming in. "Dad, you need to help me."

Eddie looked at Emily and then at Evan. "What's wrong, son?"

"She, she's a whore. She has another man, and is leaving with this guy. She's betraying Hank. He likes her and she plays with his feelings. And she invited that guy to come here! Can you believe that? We have to call Hank and tell him about it, we have to throw her out that he hasn't to see this bitch again."

"What happened, Emily?"

"He heard, when I talked to you. My fault. But it won't matter anyway, right?"

"She called you, Dad? When? Why?" Evan was confused. He knew something was wrong, but he still couldn't put his finger on it. The painkiller gave him a hard time to think clearly.

Eddie was standing by Emily and she whispered something in his ear. He nodded. He took the sleeve of her shirt and ripped it down then hit her twice in the face.

"That's good, Dad, Hank wouldn't like it though that you hit her, but I understand. She deserved it for what she's doing to him."

Eddie came to Evan now. "Let me bring you back to your bed. Get some rest and I'm gonna take care of things. Don't worry."

Evan let himself be moved to bed. "Thanks, Dad." Then he saw Emily on his fathers side. "Bitch, don't let her touch me." He saw the syringe in her hand. "Dad, stop her, I don't want any medicine from her."

Eddie put all his weight on Evan and pushed his arms down. Evan was shocked, didn't understand what was happening, maybe he did, but didn't want to know. "Why, Daddy?" He said with tears in his eyes.

Emily knelt down next to him and put the needle deep into his arm, she slowly pressed the liquid into his vein. Eddie kissed her before he turned to his youngest son. "She is my wife. Mrs. Eddie Lawson. You could say she's your new Mom." They both laughed while Evan was feeling dizzy and his eyes heavy. He was very sleepy, hardly able to keep his eyes open. He closed them and they left after a few seconds. He didn't know what was going to happen, when Hank would come home, but he remembered now that it was his father who had picked him up earlier that day.

_I have to write it down, before I forget! _It took a lot of his strength, but he turned around at reached down under the bed. He grabbed the diary he was using since a month. He tried to write down what he knew about his father and Emily. His handwriting was bad, when he started and was worse when he finished. He wrote letter after letter so that it was readable at all. He managed to put the diary back to its place, before he lost all strength and darkness took over.


	24. Chapter 24

Hank hurried and was only gone for two hours. He jumped out of the car and couldn't wait to get back to his brother. He kissed Emily and ran to Evan's room. But his brother wasn't there. He went back to his girlfriend. "Is he in the restroom?"

"No, he's gone." She pressed two tears out of her eyes. And he now saw that her shirt was ruined and her face was slightly bruised.

"What happened?"

"He left his room and walked to the door. I tried to stop him, but he just hit me twice and went off. I don't know where he went."

"His car is outside. And I don't believe he would ever hit anyone, not even with all the bad feelings he seems to have for you, maybe he was delirious or so."

"He called someone to pick him up, I think it was Eddie that came and got him. I'm sorry, it was some kind of shock to be attacked by him. He was so drunken."

"Okay, Emily. Please drive home, I go and try to find my brother. I'm really sorry for what he did to you and he will have to explain it to me and to apologize to you. I would be thankful, if you didn't go to the police. He needs help and I get him that. Just give him a chance to make up for it."

"I'll think about it. Call me, when you have your crazy brother somewhere where he can't hurt innocent people. Not the best way to keep a woman by your side, living with a psychopath." Emily turned around and left.

Hank wanted to say something, but didn't take the time. He somehow felt that Evan had been right about that woman right from the start. Yes, she was of course angry for what Evan had done to her, but she was just cold those last minutes. _I can't believe he ran away and that he would be able to hit her. That's so not him, but drinking isn't him either. Fuck! _He ran both hands through his hair.

The first thing he tried was calling his brother on his cell. But the ringing came from the room that his brother had left in a hurry. He went back there, but didn't find the phone. And all of Evan's clothes were still in the wardrobe and the picture of Evan and him with the bike was torn, lying in many small pieces on the floor. _Evan loved this picture and protected it all those years, he wouldn't destroy it. Never._

"Where are you little brother?" He sat down on the bed and tried to think. His next move was to try and call his father, but he didn't answer the phone. "Hope you're okay, Evan, wherever you are" said to the room.

The doctor felt desperation growing in him. But he knew he couldn't let himself go there. It wouldn't do any good. He called his brothers phone again and looked for it, following the crazy melody. He found it under the bed. Not like it had fallen there, more like someone had put it carefully on the top of the diaries. _Evan! I'm sure he wanted me to look into those books. Oh man, you're so much smarter than you ever get credit for. _

He grabbed one of the books and saw that it was the current one. He opened it, but had his eyes closed. A cold hand had a grip on his heart and squeezed it. _What if I read it and Evan didn't just run away. Maybe he left to...No! You know him, he'd never commit suicide._

He opened his eyes and started looking for the last entry, but decided to start sooner and somehow found the entry after Evan had come back from a seminar in New York a couple of months ago. That was pretty close to when he had noticed the changes in his brothers behavior.

_Dunno what happened during the time in NY, don't even remember the last three days of the seminar. Good that I know all about the stuff they talked about or have some books to find out the rest. Something happened there the second evening. Just wish I could remember. Woke up naked on the floor of my room. Makes no sense to me. And I had a headache. God, this blackness in my brain kills me._´

"That was probably the first time he started drinking so much. I have to run a HIV test on him. If he found himself naked, who says he didn't have sex with some unknown woman and without any protection?" He read the next entries and found some more alarming texts.

_I feel so bad every night and it gets worse. Just don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so messed up, dizziness and sickness gets worse and I have problems to keep myself going, so that Hank doesn't need to worry. He has enough to deal with all the patients, Divya's planned time out for who knows how long and the money that I lost. No, have to keep going for him. _

_Sickness is horrible today. Had to throw up six times, since Hank has left. I smell alcohol in my vomit and on myself, didn't drink anything. Don't get it. Those nightmares feel so real now. Afraid to sleep at all._

_hard 2 write, shaking like hell, pain all over my body, my torso feels swollen. Nightmares again, those people hurt this boy and then men come into my room and hit and kick me, think they make me drink. And some drugs, not sure, it's all a blur and after all dreams, huh? Not sure, but living is not worth anymore. Should just die, would make things easier for my big brother._

"Oh God, Evan. How could you ever think that I would be better off without you?" Hanks eyes were tearing.

_Hank found out I'm drinking, can't remember to drink at all, not since the night in NY when all went black, but he's probably right. He's the smart one in our family. Wish Emily was gone or I could accept her, we're always arguing since she's here. Had blood in my vomit and in the toilet. Guess from the alcohol. Those nightmares seem more than real now. The men and this woman talk to me and kick me in my ribs, funny I even feel pain there. I want to die. Try to fight for Hank, but don't wanna live anymore. Think I know now, what the dreams about the boy are. Should read my old diaries to find out. I'm crying every moment that I spend alone. Can't stop anymore. Please just let me die, fall asleep and never wake up again._

There was nothing he could do anymore, Hank cried in pain, sorrow and fear for his brother. _How could I've been so blind to not not see what has been going on with my little brother?_ His hands were trembling, when he opened the next and last entry of the book.

_betrays him thought trip was 4 her and Hank, but wasn't. Felt mad 4 not telling, but he didn't know. Guilty now, sorry. She's with Eddie – married! Will tell Hank and told her, she laughed, thinks won't believe me, drugged me, Eddie helped, kept me down so she could reach my arm. feel bad, spinning scared sick, don't wanna die this way, help me... too much pain... no time.. sorry, love you, Hank, much_

Hank had to read it several times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. His father and Emily, married? She had drugged Evan? He didn't know what to think. But then a memory came up, Emily had told him that it was Eddie that picked up Evan, but how did she know him? They had never met. _The sugar, when Evan had gone to drink. It was Eddie! Everything Evan said was the truth. I'm gonna find you, kiddo. Never doubt you again._

The thing was that he didn't know how or where to start. Did Evan run away because they drugged him and he was scared? Should he call the police or not? Should he drive to Emily and talk to her? Or look for Eddie? He thought the last would be the best, because Evan had been gone when he came here, but Emily had been here, so it was a good guess that Eddie had taken his youngest son with him.

He tried to call his father again, but didn't get any answer. His father had left a short note with the hotel and the room he stayed in, when he had visited them the first day. Hank looked through all the papers that were lying everywhere over Evan's desk. It took time to go through everything and he was becoming nervous. He took a few deep breaths to calm down and started the whole search again. After two more minutes he held the note in his hands. The hotel wasn't far away.

It didn't take long for Dr. Lawson, maybe he was a bit too fast, to reach the hotel and ran into the hallway where his fathers room was supposed to be. He knocked on the door calling his fathers name, knocked again. "Evan!" Again, no response. He was somewhere between raging anger and panic. It took a lot of him to let go his first impulse to kick in the door, what he mostly likely couldn't have done anyway. He ran to the elevators, but was too impatient to wait and ran downstairs to the front desk lady. "Eddie Lawson, Room 311, is he here?"

The woman looked sceptically at the man that was out of breath. "I'm afraid I can't give you any information about our guests, Sir."

"Okay, now look at me lady, he's my father and I don't know which lie to tell you, can't think of any, so I'm gonna tell you straight" They both looked at each other, when panic finally took over and he yelled and whined in the same moment "my father, Eddie Lawson, took my brother after he drugged him and I need to find them. If anything happens to him, I'm gonna kill everyone who stood in my way." The panic settled into desperation and fear and he only whispered his next words."Sorry, I'm usually not like this. Here is my card, if you or any of your guest may need a doctor in an emergency, please let me know, but tell me about Eddie Lawson, no matter how crazy me or my story sound."

She cleared her throat, she had been close to call the security men, but stopped, when she felt the mans honesty and desperation. "Sir, I can't give you information about our guest." She saw his shoulder sag and sorrow growing in him before she began again. "But I can tell you that a young man was sitting on the chair over there with another man holding him up. Looked very pale to me. Thought he didn't feel good. I've seen the guarding man with one of the guests earlier. It didn't take too long and three men, including the two I told you about, came back."

"Thank you! Was that the young man you're talking about?" He opened his wallet and let her look at a picture of Evan.

"Yes, I had the feeling he was worse, when they left. I asked if the man was okay, but was told that he wasn't and that they would bring him to the hospital."

"Oh God! Thank you for helping me."

"Sir? I suggest you hurry to find your brother. **A** room on the third store is empty and cleaned soon. The guest has left 90 minutes ago."

Hank ran to his car in no time, now on his way to Emily. _She'll regret she ever met me. Such a bitch! Oh Ev, you were right, I'm sorry. Please, be okay._

He called all hospitals in the Hamptons, but didn't have any hope that Evan was really there and found out soon that he was right. He drove too fast, but didn't care.


	25. Chapter 25

Emily wasn't at home. _Fuck! I should have known better than to let her go. _He tried to call. It could have been a stupid thing to do, but she still didn't know that he had found out all about her and Eddie and that gave him hope that he could find out more. "Emily? Glad to hear your voice."

"What do you want?"

"I know you're mad and I'm sorry. I should have been more comforting you, the way I acted was wrong."

"That's true." Her voice was cold.

"I was just worried about my brother. But he hurt you and that wasn't right." _Oh hell, it wasn't even enough for what you did to him! _"I want to apologize and take you out for dinner."

"Sounds good, but I'm afraid that I can't. I have other plans. What about lunch tomorrow? Noon, at our favorite place?"

"I want to see you earlier, just to apologize in person. Can't you give me half an hour? Maybe some coffee?"

"Coffee sounds good. But I only have 20 minutes left."

"Let's meet at my place then, I will be home soon."

"Okay, it's on my way to the appointment anyway."

They hung up and Hank felt sick. Listening to her was hard. She managed to make it sound like she was merciful enough to accept his apology. _Snake isn't such a bad name for her after all. _

Hank got in his car and drove to his house. There was some traffic and it took him a while. It wouldn't upset him on a normal day, but this was way far from a normal day. He got impatient and drove as fast as he could, whenever there was a chance. Luck seemed to be on his side as far as police and speed limits were concerned. He came to his place and jumped inside to prepare the cups, when he heard Emily's car. He started the coffee. It wouldn't take long to have it ready to serve.

Emily came to the open door and closed it after her. Hank came up to her. "Glad you could make it."

"Sure, Hank." She kissed him. He felt sick again, but tried to hide it.

"Now sit down, Em. I get us the coffee. You know, Evan is still gone, hope he doesn't do anything stupid."

"Well, you know you're brother, I'm sure he invented doing stupid things."

Hank was with his back to her and got mad at her, even though he had to admit that it could have been something he had said, too. Still, knowing what she and their father had done to his little brother, made it even more wrong for her to say such a thing. He turned around with a smile on his lips and the cups in his hand. "Here one for you and one for me. What is this appointment about?"

"It's a patient. So nothing I can talk about. I'm glad you called."

"Yes, I just had to. Things go to well with us. Didn't want to risk anything." She nodded and he smiled again. "Didn't know that you knew Eddie. I mean you told me you thought it was him who picked Evan up."

For a short moment she bit her lip, recognizing she had made a mistake, but it didn't take long for her to play her game. "I don't know him, I saw a picture of him somewhere. Don't know. Maybe Evan had one." She held her cup tight and took a few sips from it.

"I think you're lying!"

She was just pouring down the rest of the coffee and almost started coughing. She swallowed deep. "Hank, why would you think that?" She bent over to kiss him, but his lips didn't move, her tongue couldn't get into his mouth.

He pushed her away. "Where is my brother?"

"How am I supposed to know? I told you what happened."

"You shouldn't waste my time, for your own good. You haven't enough time left, so it's better you stop playing games with me, bitch!" He was surprised that he could sound this hard and mean, didn't think he had it in him.

"What are y-you..." Emily realized that something had been in her coffee. She felt a strange tingling in her fingers. "What did you give me?"

"Where is Evan?!"

"What was it?" She was scared now, but not enough.

"Tell me where my brother is!" He laid his hands on her shoulder and the back of her neck. "Tell me!"

She couldn't believe that he was able to act like this. Little did she understand what his brother meant to Dr. Lawson. Whatever he had given to her made her dizzy and sick. She bent over to vomit, but he pushed her back and held his hand over her mouth. "You're not getting rid of the poison I gave you. Not before you tell me, where Evan is."

She swallowed heard and took a few deep breaths through her nose to keep the sickness down. _Did he say poison? He's lying!_ He let go off her mouth, when she wanted to speak. "You'd never poison me."

"I thought the same. Was as surprised as you are, even more. But I never was in a situation that left me so desperate." He looked in her eyes and all she could see was anger and she wasn't as sure anymore.

She tried to sound strong and fearless, but it wasn't working. "You will never find your brother."

"Do you already feel the numbness in your legs and arms? Are you dizzy? Let me tell you a story. It was back when we were teenager. Evan was twelve and I was sixteen. He was in school. I have been to a different school. Some older kids treated him like dirt and things went worse every day. He never said a word about it, tried to deal with it alone, but then one of the boys pushed him from behind and he stumbled forward where he hit his head on an iron sculpture. He was bleeding and the other boys hit him till he wasn't able to cry for help anymore. The boy that had pushed him, broke his left arm and the fingers on his right hand. Some other kids came out of the school with a teacher and the boys ran away. Evan has been unconscious for several hours. I just sat by his hospital bed and waited. He was in pain, when he woke up. I've never seen him like this. And all the tears on his face broke my heart. I went to his school the next day and asked kids, if they knew who had done this to him. They told me who their leader was and I waited to get my chance with him. I followed him. Then I asked him to follow me to a lonely street. Told him I had something cool he needed to see. Before he knew, I used some hard 'n' heavy piece of wood and smashed it against his left shin, several times and then I ran away. He had to use crutches for six weeks. It was wrong and I know it, but I'm still proud, because my brother deserved the vengeance. And as it was, nobody stopped this gang, though they were known for violence. " He let his words sink and watched her. She wouldn't be conscious for long so he had to find out more. "Imagine what I do to you, comparing the situations. Where. Is. My. Brother.?!"

She had a heard time to focus, whatever he had given her took finally over. She finally believed that he had given her poison. "Help me and I tell you."

"No! You tell me and then I'll help you." He held a syringe in front of her. She didn't know what was in it, but assumed it was the antidote.

"He's with Eddie."

"Where?"

"Please, give it to me!" She had tears in her eyes. But he didn't answer. "In his house. In Eddie's house."

"What did you give him?"

"Sedatives, different drugs, messed with his mind."

"You're such a bitch!" He didn't want to, but he couldn't help himself. He hit her on the face where she had said Evan had hit her before. Then he let the syringe fall on the floor and pushed a foot on it. It broke and the carpet soaked all the liquid in.

"No! You can't do that." She was terrified now. "I'm the only one who knows what he is been given."

"I can and I do. It wont be long for you to lose consciousness and then there is nothing I can do anymore."

She tried to speak up a last time, but the darkness took her in. She struggled to fight it, but wasn't able. Then she finally didn't feel anything.

Hank got some rope and put her hands together on her back. He brought her to his car and put her in his trunk. Eddie should see his wife and maybe it would help him to get his little brother back.

He looked at her face and the tears she had shed. He had to smile some. "God, I make up a story about our teenager years and she starts to believe I'm a monster. Funny, how people react to a normal sedative, when they think it's something else." He shook his head, but couldn't help to feel satisfaction about his plan and her panic. It was definitely worth it and somehow less than she deserved, but he wasn't a killer.

He got back to the house to pack a few things for him and for Evan and then ran to his car. He hoped to got to his fathers place in time, hoped Evan would be okay. _Messed with his mind, those bastards! _


	26. Chapter 26

He was confused, his world was spinning, he had no idea where he was. The room was dark, it was cold, wet, drafty. It wasn't possible for him to speak, because something was in his mouth. _Cloth!_ It made him gag, his hands were tied above his head. His feet were tied, too, but only his toes reached down to the floor. There was pain in his shoulders, arms legs, ribs, head and his wrists. He had a hard time to stay awake, but was afraid that unconsciousness would add to the weight on his wrists and his shoulders.

The door opened and bright light shined into his eyes. The light burned his eyes. He was sure that there was one man with him. He couldn't see who it was, but assumed that it was his father. It had been his father who took him out of his room and into his trunk. It had been his father that let Emily sedate him again. He had been sedated again a while after he was brought to this house. He wasn't sure, but thought it was his fathers place. He felt as if he was run over by a bus.

The man freed one of his hands. Evan saw the needle and tried to pull his arm away, but a second hand held him by his wrist and he was still too weak from the earlier sedatives to fight. The needle touched his skin and not long after the liquid ran through his veins.

When he was pulled from the wall, he felt that more hands were touching him, probably two men. They laid him down on something soft. Whatever it was smelled musty and was moistly. Suddenly he was alone again and the room was dark. He was pretty sure it was a mattress he was lying on, most likely one that had been lying there for a long time. He couldn't move away, even if he wanted to. Wouldn't have made any difference anyway, because the floor was dirty and wet.

He felt hands grabbing his ankles and his wrists, but nobody was with him. Still he saw someone crawling up on him, it was a skeleton. Okay, that couldn't be and he realized that what he was given this time, wasn't a sedative. More some kind of drug.

He was scared and wished he could call Hank, just to hear him say that all would be fine. Hank? Was he looking for him? Did he find his diaries? Hank, his loving brother and best friend.

He tried to scream, but couldn't voice it with the big cloth in his mouth. Tears ran down his face, when the skeleton grabbed him everywhere and it teeth hit for his neck. That was just the first harmless hallucination of many Evan would go through in the next hours.

* * *

Hank drove as fast as he could, he wanted to reach his fathers place as soon as possible. His mind was full of thoughts about his little brother. He reacted to the traffic, but wasn't really focused on it. For the first time in his life he was scared for his brother. Well, he had been worried about him, but he was never this close to lose the one person he cared more for than for himself. _Don't think like that, Henry. You will find him and he'll be okay. _

He hoped to find him, but wasn't sure that he could really expect Evan to be okay, not after what had been done to him. He didn't even know, when all of it had started. Had Eddie met Evan in New York? Was that why his brother didn't know what happened there? Had they drugged him there for the first time? It wouldn't be a surprise considering what he had read in the diary. He had so many questions and no answers and it scared him to death. _As long as he's alive._ If things worked his way he would reach New York City in two hours and then twenty minutes to his fathers house.

He tried to think back, find out what had happened to his brother and when symptoms had been obvious for the first time. Why didn't he see the problems earlier? He knew it wouldn't help anyone, if he started to blame himself, but he couldn't help it.

Evan was his younger brother and he had to take care of him, always had since their mother had died and he often thought that it had started much sooner. When he had been old enough to realize that Evan hadn't been happy, but Evan had started to take care of his older brother, when he had been three. He had made him smile and laugh, had always tried to lighten up Hanks days. _God, Evan takes more care of you than you ever do for him. I let you down, kiddo. I'm sorry, just hang in there. I'm gonna get you and make things alright again._

He turned the radio on, but it didn't help to distract him. Emily was in the trunk and he couldn't believe how she got there, how **he** got her there. He felt like a criminal and he knew he'd be in trouble, if the police would stop him and find her, but he didn't care. It was hard to believe that he had shared the bed with her, while she played dirty games with his brother. He was glad that he didn't fall enough for her to be in love. It would have been nice to think that he knew anything was wrong with her and that's why he didn't fall in love, but he knew that wasn't the reason. He didn't notice anything wrong, when he was with her. _Damn! I'm such an idiot! _Looking back, he wasn't even able to remember why he had been attracted by her at all.

* * *

Ninety minutes away from Hank was Evan fighting against dead people that weren't there. Breathing was very hard for him, because the panic made him forget to breathe through his nose. "Hello Evan, say hi to your mum." He opened his eyes and saw his death mother next to him, blood running down her toothless mouth. He tried to move away from her, but his wrists and ankles were still tied and he was in too much pain to move at all. The several sedatives he had received during the day took most of his strength away. They had probably given him far too much.

His mother came closer to his face. He could see little bugs, flies and maggots where her eyes were supposed to be. The blood running down her chin to drop on his face. She licked his forehead and he opened his eyes wide, terror taking over. "Give your mummy a kiss!" He was a prisoner of this hallucination, too far gone to realize that she wasn't there and that his mouth was blocked by a cloth. She kissed him and her body fluids ran in his mouth. He had to swallow them, because he couldn't breathe anymore.

The horror was too much for his anyway unstable mind and his broken soul. He just laid there, motionless, staring at his mother that wasn't there and feeling her blood, her saliva in his throat. His mind shut down, but the hallucination followed him in the deepest parts of his mind and didn't let go off him. The only sounds in the room where his painful and terrified whimpers. His sanity was gone and he didn't feel the warm liquid that wet his pants.

* * *

Hank didn't know what his brother went through, while he was getting closer to his goal. It was still little more than an hour to go and his body was exhausted. It had been a long day, but his mind was awake. Thousand thoughts ran through his mind, some of them made sense, some weren't even finished. No matter how hard he tried, looking back he couldn't see why he hadn't noticed anything. Everything was so clear. Maybe not what they had done to his brother, but that he hadn't been okay for weeks and Emily had been bitchy right from the start, he had just been too blind to see.

He thought back to the time, when his mother had died. Their father had left them before and didn't even show up at her funeral. She had always loved him so much and it was sad that she had never got anything in return. His father had tried to explain to him that he had just couldn't bare to see her like this, but he had never wasted one thought on his sons and how they had felt to see their mother dying. Since the day Eddie had gone it was his responsibility to take care of his baby brother and even when it had been hard at times, he hadn't complained once. Well, yes he had, but he hadn't ever meant it.

It wasn't even an hour anymore, but still fifty-three minutes too far. He was becoming more and more impatient. It was like time was running through his fingers and his brother would drift further away from him with every passing second. There was this aching pain in his chest, caused by his emotional troubles.

He reached down and found his bottle. He opened it with his teeth and drank most of his water. His stomach asked for food, but he hadn't the time to stop and eat something. No, he had more important things to do than eat. _When did Evan eat the last time and kept it down? Or when did he drink water without throwing up? _This thought felt like someone stabbing him from the back. He remembered how much weight Evan had lost in the last weeks and how pale he had looked. Anger came back to him and his foot floored the gas pedal. The determination and tension in his face and body was unmistakeably. He would find his brother and do whatever was needed to free him and make things better again. Whatever it would take.

* * *

**Thank you so much for all your reviews. I'm glad my change in the plot went well. I had it on my mind all the time (before I started the story), but I wasn't sure how you would react. Hank has still to find his brother and to rescue him. We'll have to see what it takes to do so. We will have some fun left till the story ends and I hope you don't mind that Evan has to go through a lot more before Hank, who will have his small share of hurt, can finally bring him home, back to where he belongs. Will he bring him home? Let's wait and see.**


	27. Chapter 27

His mother wasn't gone, she was lying next to him, he could feel her rotten body on his side. She only left small room for him on the terrible mattress that was still premium compared to the floor of his prison. He gave up to fight her, she held him tight and he felt how hard breathing was.

He didn't want to breathe in the stinking mixture of blood, spite, sweat, urine, wetness, mold and only God knew what else was rotting there. He didn't want to breathe her in, scared he could breathe in whatever monster she was and get infected.

She had a tight hold onto his chest, it felt like she would grab right through down to his heart and held it too tight, making it almost impossible for it to beat. The dead woman stroke his cheeks with a thin bony finger. The skin on the finger was gone, there were foul flesh, bones, muscles, blood, well and those horrible maggots.

Her mouth was next to his ears. She kept whispering to him, grate on his ears, repeating things like "You've always been a loser. Always told people you're the death of me. You're worth nothing. You're unworthy of love. Nobody wanted you. I didn't want you. Never cared for your sorry ass." Every word stole a piece of his self-confidence and there were her juices in his ears.

That all was worse than a nightmare, because one could wake up from them. But the drugs were too strong. If this hallucination hadn't been enough to bring a healthy man down, it certainly was too much for Evan who had been drugged and drunken too often in the last months. He hadn't even noticed that he had been filmed while fighting against his mother, that they had taken the cloth out of his mouth nor that he had been given a bit more of the drug.

The men looked at each other. They couldn't kill the guy, not yet. But they could have some fun until they finally got what they wanted and needed. Till they came to their friends and he could finally be used to bring them money, especially his brothers money. He had disappointed his closest person once and there wasn't anything that they wouldn't do to make him do it again. Wouldn't matter anyway, they wouldn't have any need for him after they had the money. He wouldn't last long enough to be in need for explanations towards his brother. Eddie was going to leave the country with his wife and the other man and he, well he would just disappear.

"Eddie someone is parking outside." The men watched the older Lawson getting out the car and pulling Emily out of the trunk. It was dark enough. The guy probably knew, that nobody would care about the tied up woman, that was awake but seemed hazy. They smiled, Henry had no idea what he was himself bringing into.

* * *

Hank was glad, when he finally turned into the street where his father lived and could see the house. He took a deep breath and parked the car. He waited a moment, before he left it and went to the trunk. He wasn't sure, but he thought that there had been a man standing in his fathers house and looking down on him through a window. He was sure it was his father and he didn't care. Eddie should know that he had Emily and that he'd get her, if Hank got his brother back. Hank had already planned to call the police and got the two arrested as soon as he and Evan sat safely in his car. But there was no need to let his father know.

Emily was still dizzy and sleepy, but awake. She had trouble to follow him on his way upstairs to the door, but he didn't care. He just pulled her with him. He was anxious of what he would find and worrying about his brother, there was really no need for him to worry, if his ex _the snake _stumbled on his side or lost her shoe or whatever. As far as he was concerned she could be happy that he hadn't lost it, because he was pretty sure that she would have suffered then, a lot.

He didn't ring, their was no need, his father had seen him, hadn't he? He knocked hard against the door and yelled. "Eddie! Open the door!"

The door was opened and his father stood there. "Hank my son, I'm glad you visit me. Oh and there is that sweet girl."

"Shut up! All I want is my brother. You get your whore and I get him. Evan and I leave and she will live!"

Eddie laughed. "How would you kill her?"

_Fuck!_ He didn't have any gun and that was good, but he could have brought a knife with him. _That's so like you, Henry!_ He smiled inside about Evan's remark in his head, on the surface, on his face there also was a smile, but it was devilish. "I have my ways. I know the humans body very well, studied it, remember?"

"Sit down with me, my son. You must be tired from driving here. We can talk about..." he paused to put more scorn for his youngest son in his voice "...Evan."

"DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO SAY HIS NAME AGAIN! I don't want to sit! I do not! want you to call me YOUR SON! I want EVAN! NOW!" Hank had loosen his grip on Emily, hardly able to hold himself back. His eyes were locked with his fathers and he was sure that there was a second of fear in the older mans eyes. But then he saw a shadow crashing down his shoulder. It was too late to react. He went down on his knees by the impact. He groaned in pain and Eddie kicked against his chest. Eddie pulled his feet from under him and pulled him to the basement.

Hank was still gasping for air, when the door closed behind him. The room was dark. He knew it was the basement and he also knew that he had no way to turn on the light. Not from inside the ugly room. His cell phone was useless down here.

He got on his feet and took a few steps downstairs, but a noise stopped him. He tried to figure out from where it came. It was a whimper. "Evan? Are you there?" There it was again. "Evan, are you okay?" He followed the noise until his left foot touched something and there was a strong odor. He went down on his knees until they rested on the edge of the mattress, he had to swallow hard to keep him from getting sick. The figure lying there was his brother. He could see the pale, almost white skin and was it fear in his eyes?

"Evan? It's Hank, what's wrong?" But there was no answer. Only the low whimpers that never stopped. The doctor was now more than worried. He knelt closer to the scared man and touched his arm.

There was a sound and not long after a voice, but it was too far away. He could hear it, but couldn't comprehend it. And as soon as it was heard, he forgot about it.

* * *

His mother was still there, whispering her mean words, dropping her blood from her mouth to his, squeezing his heart, her ugly fingers scratching along his cheek and in his hair and since a while she wasn't alone anymore.

There were more hands and fingers touching him. Faces that spit out ugly words or laughed at him. Faces from kids and teachers that had tortured him in his childhood, faces from college and work. People that had always made him feel worthless. His grandfather was one of them, had hazed him whenever he had gotten a chance. The people in the foster home, that treated him like dirt, whenever his brother was gone. The worst thing was that he couldn't fight them off, he was unable to move. He didn't know what to do. To him this was real. It wasn't a hallucination. It was happening now, all the meanness, the hurt, the pain, the blood, the laughter, the torture was thrown at him, right then and right there.

Then there was another hand on his arm and was worse than all the others, because it was strong and his arm hurt. The man laid his second hand on his cheek, right on his mothers fingers and the pressure on them pushed them deeper into his flesh. He screamed out. It weren't several screams, it was one, never ending and the volume didn't die down. The man tried to hold him tight. He was sure the man wanted to hold him so he could take advantage on him like it was back then. He screamed even louder for help, in pain and in fear and he was finally able to move.

* * *

Hank felt the tension in Evan's body rise with his touch. The whimper became louder. He touched Evan's face and tried to calm him, but this second touch made things worse. The scream that came from Evan's throat sent shivers down the doctors spine. "Evan, it's okay. I'm here. Let me help you." His brothers eyes were uneasy, bloodshot and wide open. "Oh my God! This fucking bastard!"

The realization that his brother was totally drugged and had a very bad trip hit him like a steel fist in his guts. His eyes were watering and for a few moments he was paralyzed from shock and stared at his brother. "Nonononono, NO! Oh God, Evan!"

There was nothing he wanted more than to hold his baby brother in his arms. He grabbed his brother into an embrace. "It's okay, Evan, I'm here now. Please, let me help you!" But he wasn't prepared for the reaction.

Evan screamed in agony and he screamed in fear and for help, all because the man that always took care of him wanted to hold him. It broke Hanks heart and it hurt even more, when Evan started to fight him. Tried to push his hands from him, pushed him away with little strength he had.

The younger Lawson was scared the man, who he didn't recognize as his brother, was going to bring him down and hurt him. The older Lawson was scared for his brother and tried to hold him very tight to comfort him during his trip.

Both of them were wrestling with each other and the horrible aching, both felt deep inside, each of them for different reasons.


	28. Chapter 28

It took Hank a lot of strength, patience and words to calm his brother down. Hank didn't expect his brother to fight him off so well in his broken shape. It worried him to see Evan on his knees. He was afraid that he could hurt the already damaged knee cap or his ankle. The drug was obviously taking away the physical pain. Was it a good thing? No! The older Lawson wanted his brother free of pain, sure, but if Evan didn't feel the pain he could easily do things to hurt himself.

After what had seemed an eternity he could finally pull his brother in an embrace that he didn't fight. His brothers struggling against him had stopped so suddenly, that Hank had first feared he had passed out and then hoped the drugs were wearing off, but obviously they weren't.

The hallucinations were still controlling Evan's mind and his body, but he finally let Hank hold him, the bad thing was that he didn't let him examine his body. But the doctor was glad that he could hold him at all and it was anyway too dark to see anything. The light of his cell phone or the light app that, oh wonder, Evan had got him, wasn't bright enough to make a real difference. His brother didn't scream anymore. Hank should have been thankful for that, but the continuing insanely mumbling worried him more.

He had spent a while to let his hands running under Evan's shirt and along his shoulders and arms, his head and his neck to check for any injuries, but Evan made it hard with his shifting and trembling. But he felt a few things that he had to examine closely, when he had some light. What worried him most were Evan's ribs. They didn't feel in place, he hoped that there weren't broken ones, but he was almost sure there were. His anger was growing with every small injury he could feel on the younger mans body.

There was the smell of blood, sweat, sick, urine, alcohol, mold, dust and something like a rotting animal. Many of them came from his brother. But he didn't care. He kissed his hair, kissed his neck, just to comfort him and let him know he was there.

* * *

Evan didn't want to be in this new attackers embrace. He was too scared, because the man was so much stronger than the others, like his mother. She was still there terrifying him and this mans grip reminded him of someone else, someone he had known many many years ago, someone that had hurt him. He didn't know who it had been, but his mind was light years away from that time and the thought was washed over with his mothers voice. "Loser, no wonder I got sick. Such a nasty and naughty boy. He's gonna punish you."

He couldn't fight the man anyway. There was no strength left. He noticed after a while though the mans hands were stronger than the other peoples hands, the touch was different. The mans hands were soft, caressing and he suddenly felt safer, still a little afraid, but safe. So he tries to hold on to this feeling. Well, he just does, but his mind is too blown to let him make any conscious decision. It was the only way to deal with his mother and everything that was happening to him.

* * *

The light went on in the basement. Hank woke slowly and was angry at himself that he had fallen asleep. He checked on Evan. His younger brother was still effected by the drug, but when Hank's leg touched his side, he groaned in pain. That was good, because the drug was wearing off. But he had to do something to ease the pain. _I need to check his ribs._

The door was opened. Hank leaned Evan against the wall and got on his feet. "What do you want, Eddie?"

"Calm down, son. Just bringing you some painkillers for your head."

"I don't need them. But they will help Evan."

"No, they are for you. You don't need them. I'll keep them."

"What the fuck?!" He stepped closer to his father.

"You touch him, I shoot this little failure of yours."

"You bitch! Evan was right about you!"

Emily laughed. "Yeah, seems the idiot isn't that dumb at all. Too bad you figured out so early. Took me the fun of tearing you guys apart."

"You're insane! Dream on, bitch. You're not even special enough to think about love!"

"But special enough to take care of your little brother that is oh so precious to you..." False smile on her face.

The words hit him. _Oh God, she's right. It's my fault. I left him in her care. Trusted her to keep an eye on him. Hank! What did you think? They didn't like each other! _"You're right, but I'm not going to make the mistake again. You won't get another chance to be alone with him."

Hank went back to his brother and knelt down. He started to lift the shirt, when his fathers voice stopped him from behind. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Examine him and see if I can help."

"Go away from him, son."

"No!" Hank knew that Evan's pants were wet from his own urine, well he thought he knew, but to actually see it hurt much more. Evan had been a bed wetter for many years. It had been better in college, but did never stop until he started working and had become so good in his job, that he was actually quite successful and it hadn't been good for his self-consciousness. He got him out of the pants.

He then pulled the shirt over his brothers head. There were bruises all over his torso, front and back, new and old, in every possible color. The tension was rising. He saw the raw flesh on Evans wrists. Several new small marks on Evan's arm. Too many and looking down on the body, he found more and more of them, there were a few on his neck, hidden under the hair that he loved so much on his brother. "How many," he had to swallow a lump down his throat. "How often, how long have you injected him and WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GIVE HIM?" He was up on his feet in no time and throwing hateful looks at the couple.

"Oh we'll let you know, but not yet."

"Eddie, darling, did you forget? We don't have to." She smiled at her husband.

"Yes, you're right. Glad you remind me, my love."

"You're sick! Both of you! Evan needs to be in a hospital."

"No chance, my son!"

"I told you to stop calling me your son!" He spit in his fathers face. "Let me bring him to your bed."

"No."

"The couch!"

"No way."

"Bring me some blankets, towels, warm water, soap, cold water, something to drink, food, my bag from the car and whatever your first aid kid has to offer." He tried to calm down for Evan's sake. "Please."

"You know son, _Henry_, we'll give you some water to drink, some food and one blanket. That's enough."

"Eddie, I have to clean his wounds, clean his legs and he needs medical help. It's so cold and wet here. We need more blankets that I can keep him warm, dry and comfortable. And maybe pants and a shirt, if you have some for him. The dust and the dirt here isn't making it better."

"You don't want to understand it, don't ya? I don't care if he's in pain or has wounds or if he sleeps well and I surely won't give him any of my clothes. He peed in his, don't want any of it in mine."

Hank got up again, but before he was able to say something, Emily spoke up: "Go get him the stuff so that we can go ahead. I'll take care of them." The gun still in her hand. She whispered something to Eddie, he nodded and left.

Hank was still standing and staring at her. "What's the plan? Why are you doing this? I want to know what my brother ever did to you and Eddie to deserve this?"

She smiled. Her eyes filled with amusement. Hank turned around to follow her line of gaze. Evan was fighting against something, clutching his head over and over against the wall, when his head and arms finally fell limp, the tension in his body was build up right away and he started cramping.

"Evan?" Hank was next to him, tried to hold him tight. Careful that he didn't hurt himself. Hank saw something in his brothers face right before the fit started. Evan was totally clear for the first time since Hank got there. _Kiddo, you so have a bad timing! _The seizure was going on for 160 seconds, not too long, but it was bad. The convulsions washed over Evan's whole body, causing pain, hurting his ribs even more. What were supposed to be painful screams came out as "Ahhnnnnaannnn" through his clenched teeth. His eyes kept rolling around in his head. Through the whole time Hank was holding on to him, talking to him, let him know he was there. The seizure passed slowly and Evan's body relaxed with that.

"That's good." Hank said, tears in his eyes, his heart a bit more broken, because his brother had to wake up right, when the seizure started and was so totally aware of it and the horrible pain it had caused.

"E-ny?"

"I'm here, Evan." He tried to smile for him. _He said Eny, didn't say it since, I don't know – guess since I could afford to get him out of the horrible foster home. _The memory of the first time Evan had called him Eny came back.

_Hank comes back from school. A neighbor picked her son and him up, because his mother is at her parents place this week. Evan is screaming. Hank calls for his father, but doesn't get an answer, so he walks ahead to Evan's room. He knocks on the door 'Dad, you're in there?' Evan's screaming ends in sobs and he opens the door without waiting for an answer... but nobody is there! _

_He tries to make out where the sobs come from. The bathroom door is open. There is his baby brother sitting in the shower, water running down on him, alone. Hank turns the water off, it was far too cold. The 30 months old boy is shivering in his arms. Hank gets a towel and rubs the boy dry, then gets the bathrobe that his mother always uses for Evan. _

_He leaves the bathroom and calls for his father again. He comes out of their bed room, just closing his trousers. He seems stressed, like he was interrupted doing something. His mother always says that she can see it in his eyes, when he is trying to hide things and Hank is sure that the look on his fathers face is the same that his mother sees, when he lies to her. He makes a mental note to change his face, when he has to hide things from his mommy. _

_'Why did you leave Evan alone in the shower? The water was real cold, Dad.'_

_'Got no time. The boy drives me insane, couldn't rest at all. Needed some kind of punishment. Gotta go to work.'_

_Punishment. Hank is shocked. That's way too hard for a boy who's not even three years old. Even he knows that and is almost seven. His dad should know, too. He brings his brother to his own room and lays down on the bed with him, the boy is still crying. Hank holds him tight and tells him, he will make him warm again and take care of him, because that's his job as a big brother. The kid stops crying and with a sad look in his eyes he says...'Eny?'... Henry smiles about the first time his brother tries to say his name. He will learn to say Henry later, but whenever he will be very sick or down, he will come back to the old nickname._

It seemed like eternity now that he had last heard it. He felt his brother squeezing his hand, before the eyes rolled back in his head and his head rolled to the side.


	29. Chapter 29

Evan had woken up several times, but had never regained full consciousness. Hank had let him known that he was there taking care of him and than his brother had been out again. Hank felt horrible, he had studied so many years and worked as a doctor for so long and there wasn't much he could do for his brother now.

His father hadn't brought what Hank had asked for. Only one thin blanket, instead of water he got a bottle of vodka to drink and some sandwiches. No medications, not Hank's bag, not even an ordinary first aid kid, no clothes for Evan. The couple hadn't left the light on.

Evan stirred and slowly woke up. He tried to open his eyes once, twice and at the third time he was able to keep them open for a few seconds, but they closed halfway again. All he could see through the little slid was darkness. He was not lying in his bed, that was for sure. He was so cold and tried to find a blanket. He felt one around his legs and got himself out of it to wrap it around him.

That was the moment, when he realized that he wasn't alone. His head fell back to rest at..._legs? Who is that and where are we?_But Evan was too tired to figure out what was going on, he was dizzy again and felt sick, his body ached all over, especially his side. He tried to bent over, but a sharp pain let him cry in agony and fell back. Tears were running down on his face and he screamed for help.

The cry in pain got Hank out of his dreamless sleep, he was confused at first, but when he heard his brother screaming for help the confusion and the rest tiredness was gone. "Evan! What's wrong?"

Evan wasn't able to say a word, he wasn't even sure that the legs he was lying on and his brothers voice weren't just new hallucinations. Breathing caused more pain and the rising panic caused him to breathe faster.

"Evan, I'm here. You have to try and stay calm, you hear me kiddo?" Hank got his legs away from his brother to kneel beside him. "Come on, I'll breathe you through this, you're ready?"

"Haa...ank? You...'re reeeeeally there?"

"Yes, Ev, I'm here and I won't leave you. Just breathe with me, okay?" Hank took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Try to do like I do." He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. He knew Evan tried hard, but he couldn't make it. "I know you're scared, but I'm here and I won't let anybody hurt you again. You're safe now, so please try to relax."

"Can't...hurts...sooo mu...pain."

"I know, Evan, I'm so sorry." Hank heard the tears in his own voice. He laid down beside him and rested Evan's head on his arm. He held him tight, so Evan could hear his heartbeat. He had helped him, when he was a boy, so maybe it would do now.

"Cry?...pain?"

"No don't worry, I'm okay, kiddo. I'm just so sorry that you're in pain. Try to relax."

"No...no fault. Hear your heart." Evan said and tried to take deep breathes like his brother had showed him. Breathing hurt like hell, but he wanted to make Hank stop crying. His breathing slowed down slowly, but it did at least.

"That's it, Evan." Hank was more than relieved that his brother finally calmed down. "You're doing a good job."

"Henry?"

"Yes?"

"I don't feel good...think I..." Evan couldn't finish, he felt his stomachs contents made their way up to his throat.

Hank reacted with the speed and calmness of the doctor in him. He helped his brother to bent over and run gently circles with his hand on Evan's back. "It's okay, just let it all out." His voice sounded reassuring even though it was anything but okay. He was sure his brother had lost around eighteen lbs so far, well it was a guess, but it was part of his job to see what was wrong with people and weight was one factor. And he really didn't want him to lose anymore.

"Hank?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry, but I guess I just ruined your shoes. Bad day for your clothes to be around me, huh? Told you to stay away from me."

"That wasn't today Evan, you've been out for many hours and I'd never stay away... Hey, Evan? Hey stay with me, don't you pass out on me again, you hear me?"

Evan's breathing didn't sound good and his body was tensioned by the pain in his ribs. Not a good combination. Hank was afraid that one of the broken ribs could perforate his lung, if that didn't happen already. Agony was written on his brothers face, but no loud came over his lips and now it was Hank's turn to panic.

"Talk to me, Evan. Scream, if you're in pain, don't keep it inside. It's just gonna hurt you more." He shifted him in a position that should release any possible pressure on the ribs. Evan's eyes were still open, but he seemed so far away and Hank suddenly knew that is brother didn't want to keep his screams, it was more that his mind was trying to shut the intense pain out. His brother was close to fall to unconsciousness and he couldn't allow that.

"Don't you dare to leave me alone, Evan R. Lawson! I came here just for you!" He reached out for his brothers hand and placed his other hand above his heart. "Scream, squeeze my hand, hell break it, if that's what it takes to release some of the pain. Just don't leave me."

His brother seemed to gain some control back and what started with low groans ended in several long and loud screams. Everyone of them broke a piece of the doctors heart. But he knew it was better this way than have him going into shock.

The light went on again and Emily and Eddie came down. "Son, can't you control your brother? There's no way to watch TV with this annoying noise down here."

He was going to tell his father to not call him son anymore, but Evan's pain had to be stopped and he would do his best to make it happen. "He's in agony, Eddie! Bring me some painkillers to help him!"

"And tell me, Henry, why exactly should Indo that?"

Even after what had happened until now, Hank still had a hard time to believe what he just heard. "Because he's your son! One that does everything to make you love him. He wants you to be his father. Isn't that reason enough?"

"No. Don't care about it."

"Eny?" Evan's voice was weak and nobody seemed to hear him. He heard his father and Hank talk about him, but he wasn't aware enough to understand what was going on. All he knew was that he was in too much pain and that he was going to be sick again and that he needed his brothers help for this and that he needed Hank to hold him tight, cause the new sickness would make his pain even more unbearable. He cleared his throat, speaking up hurt his lung, but he needed Hank right now. "Henry?"

Hank turned around and was with his brother in no time. "Sick again?" He didn't have to wait for an answer, he could see it in Evan's face. He helped him to bent over and stroke his hair. "Just let it out."

The pain went from worse to worst in one heartbeat. The pain was too much for Evan. He finally broke down, screaming, groaning, crying, convulsive sobbing. "Eny, help me. Please make the pain stop! Eny, please!"

It was heartbreaking to hear the pleading and not being able to do anything more than keep him in the best position and to hold on to him. Tears watered his eyes and he looked up at Emily. "You're a doctor, it's your duty to help people in pain. Emily please give him something. Give me a syringe, I'm gonna do it myself. All I need is the bag in my car."

To his surprise she gave Eddie the gun and said. "I'll get it."

"Please, I can't stand the pain anymore. Take it away, Hank."

_Oh God, Evan, if I could only take away your pain and go through it for you. I'm so sorry, little brother. Please, just be okay. _"I know, Evan, it hurts and I'm gonna do something about it in a minute, just waiting for my bag, okay? I promise you will be better in a moment." He saw Emily coming down with his bag and sighed in relief.

"Go away from him, I'll give him the meds."

"No! He's my brother and I don't want you to touch him again. I'm doing it."

"You go away from him. You can prepare the meds, I give you that one. But, I will give it to him. And I swear by God, if you make one wrong move your father is gonna shoot the little bastard! It's either my rules or no relief for him. Your choice."

"Henry, please, help me! You promised to help me, please!"

"Okay, give me my back and I'll prepare the syringe." Hank got up and walked away from Evan to the opposite wall.

"Hank, don't leave me! Help me! Hold me, please!"

Dr. Lawson didn't know how much longer he could handle this. There was the determination to ease his brothers pain and the urge to hold him as tight as possible. "It's okay, Evan. Emily will give you something for your pain and then I'll be back with you in just a minute." He was getting the medicine ready so that Emily didn't have to do anything else than to give it to his brother.

"No! No! Don't let her give me another shot! I'm begging you, Henry!"

"I know your scared, Evan, but it's okay, it's just pain medication. See? I give it to her, I prepared it."

Hank couldn't bear the terrified look in his brothers eyes. He hated to let this happen to him, but he had to go through this to get control over Evan's pain. He closed his eyes for a moment, when Emily went down at the place where he was kneeling just a few moments ago. He wanted to help his brother, but still felt like betraying him and he didn't want to keep that image in his head.

He heard Emily say that she's done it and opened his eyes again. Emily stepped back and he went on his brothers side again. Evan was suspiciously quiet all of a sudden and he was surprised just how fast the medicine had worked. But he saw the look in Evan's eyes that he had earlier as if his mind was trying to shut everything out again. "Hey Evan, it's okay. Stay with me for a few minutes more and then you can sleep, ok? He laid his warm hand on Evan's cold cheek.

"Henry, why did you let her do this to me?"

"You were in pain and I had no choice so I let her …."

Evan was becoming more and more incoherent, but he had to tell Hank... he just had to let him know..."She switched syringes." It was barely a whisper, but to the doctors ears it seemed like someone had been yelling in his ears.

"What?!" He tried to hold on to the hope that it was just Evan's fear and panic talking or seeing things, but a look in his eyes said all. The drug he had been given was already starting to work.

Evan was desperately holding on to Hanks hand, like it was a link to sanity to reality, it was getting harder.

"What the fuck did you give him you horrible bitch?!"

"Step back from him, Henry." Eddie answered instead.

"NO!"

"You step back or I'll shoot him and will let him bleed to death here."

"I have to leave for a moment again, Evan, try to be strong, I'm right back!" In the corner of his eyes he saw Eddie giving the gun back to Emily and then he heard them whisper. "You keep Hank away and I get Evan and we're on the road." - "What about him?" - "We'll sedate him to give us some time and if he wakes up he can do whatever he wants. We'll be too far for him to find us."

"Evan, listen to me carefully. Please, try to focus! They are going to take you away from me. Please no matter how much pain you feel, try to hold on to me and I do the same. You hear me?" He whispered in Evan's ear now. Well, he got a nod. He wasn't sure that he really had gone through, but he just had to hope for it.

He held Evan tightly. The younger man was already mumbling about their mother kissing him with her bloody death mouth. Well, so far to the nod.

"Hank, get away from him!"

"NO WAY!"

"You get away from him, or I'll come make you let him go."

"Nothing you can do will let me go off of him. Nothing!"

Eddie came down now and pulled at his youngest sons legs. Hank didn't let go and Evan felt a new wave of pain rolling over his body. Eddie got up to get a better grip on Evan and he was pulling harder. Hank got up himself and held him back. Evan was screaming in pain. That got on for another minute.

Suddenly a shot filled the air. Hank looked up surprised and even Evan was coherent enough to be still for a short moment. When he felt the wet run down his face, Hank noted that Emily had shot at him. But he didn't let go off his brother. And the fight over Evan went for another round, while the poor young man was fighting the drug and the pain that thread to make him crazy.

Another minute later, Hank's world was spinning, his legs were giving in and he fell on his knees, still holding on to his brother. A moment later he fell down on the floor and was dizzy and sick, but he still didn't let go of Evan, who had fell with his brother and was screaming in even more pain, if that was possible at all.

Hank was trembling. He felt losing grip on Evan. He spoke one last thread: "You're not gonna take him. You do and hurt him again and I'll hunt you down and kill you."

Evan was pulled away from him. Hank said a low "NO!" and for a moment Evan seemed to take over the drug, remembering his brother had told him to hold on to him as tightly as possible. His hands reached forward and he got a hold of Hanks hands and that gave the doctor a bit more energy to fight as well.

"Stop fighting, Evan, I'm gonna bring you to our old nice places remember? You will meet many old friends."

All of a sudden all the memories from his childhood came back. "NO! Hank don't let him to it!"

The brothers fought again with all energy was left.

But all fighting was useless, Eddie pulled Evan several times and the entwined fingers of the brothers lost grip. Evan was screaming for Hank, before he finally understood his brother couldn't help him. He yelled at Hank. "My diaries, Henry! First three years!" That was it. With no hope the drug took over and drowned him in another bad trip.

Hank tried to crawl towards Eddie, but didn't have the energy anymore. His head was hurting, spinning and he saw black spots all over the room. Evan was out of sight now. Emily and Eddie had taken him away. Hank touched his temple and thought that it wasn't a bad wound, just a scratch and that he would get up and follow them wherever they would take his baby brother, but the darkness finally embraced him.


	30. Chapter 30

Hank slowly came back to consciousness. He lifted his head, regretting it when lightning pain made him feel like his head was going to explode. His hands went on both temples and he closed his eyes again. There was thickly almost dried blood on one side of his head and he tried to remember what had happened to him. He just couldn't remember. He sat up, ignoring the nagging pain.

The light hurt in his eyes. But he looked around the room to find a any hint. When he saw the mattress and the vomit a fear came back: "Evan? Evan! Where are you?"

There was no response. He slowly got to his feet dizzy, a little swaying. His hand found the wall. He took a deep breath before every single step, his hand always at the wall to be more steadied. Three minutes later he reached the stairway. There was no rail to hold on to and he didn't think the wall was enough for him to take those steps in his hazy state. It wasn't long, but steep. He got down on his knees and took the stairs on all fours. Nausea was coming and going, but he swallowed it down and didn't stop once. He knew that he didn't have time.

Once he was out of the basement he used the door to pull himself up to his feet again and to steady himself. "Evan? Are you here?" He closed his eyes to concentrate on any noises in the house. There was the ticking of an old clock, but other than that, he didn't hear anything. He pushed himself forward in hope to find his brother in one of the three rooms or the kitchen. The first room was the living room. He couldn't find anyone there. The same in the guest room, that he didn't even know his father had. Well, he had been at the house only once to get Evan back after a huge fight they had about the money Eddie had talked away from Evan with soothing lies.

He entered the bathroom, but nobody was there. He opened the mirror cabinet in hope to find any hint of the drug and sedative that had been given to Evan, but everything was gone, if it ever had been in there.

The next room was his fathers bedroom. Again the room was empty. But he went to the wardrobe to find some clothes. He really had to change before leaving the house. Going through the clothes was going pretty quickly, his father obviously didn't care for stylish or good clothes unless he was planning some fraud. Well, he himself didn't care much either, but he tried and he had Evan who always had the best taste in such things. Thinking about it, he had to admit that Evan was pretty good in a lot of things. Cooking, shopping, accounting, making people especially Hank laugh, he was kind, polite and helpful. _And he's the best baby brother. Couldn't ask for better one._

His hands froze at a certain set of clothes. A shirt that said: Yeah, I love numbers – call me a freak, you bitch! It was black and the print was in neon pink. Evan loved this shirt. He had cherished it since the day Hank had given it to him.

_It was a hot day in New York City, humidity was doing the rest. He was already late, didn't get out of the hospital. He had to be at Evan's college in thirty minutes and still had to change and drive there. Well, it was still enough time to make it. If he wouldn't find a good seat, he'd just stand there and watch the ceremony._

_He was just about to change, when a nurse came in. 'Dr. Lawson, Mr. Mortimer wants to see you.' _

_'Tell him I'll be there in four minutes.' _

_'I'm sorry, Sir, but I think he's pretty angry for some reason and...'_

_Hank sighed. 'Thank you, Laura. I'm going now." Mr. Mortimer had an office in their hospital and Hank was sure that he had to hear another complain about the costs for material, medication, equipment and so on. Hank would explain to him, as he always did, why the money was needed and the conversation would end without any changes or consequences. He just hoped it would be faster this time. _

_He took a final look at his watch and told himself 26 minutes. Mr. Mortimer didn't wait for him to close the door behind him. He started his usual speech and Hank was waiting impatiently for the hospitals accountant to stop so that he could hold his own usual speech and get out there. _

_When the speech went on and on, he found himself looking at the time again. 20 minutes left. Now it was damn tight. He was thankful the college wasn't too far from the hospital. He closed his eyes for a moment, silently praying for the annoying man with the annoying personality and a very boring monotone voice to stop. He promised to celebrate every single Jewish holiday, if he could just attend the ceremony that would start his brothers new part of life. _

_'Am I boring you, Dr. Lawson?'_

_Hank felt caught. Well, he was. His mind told him to just tell the man he will write down his speech so that the accountant could read it every time he wanted to. But he just said: 'No, not at all, but I guess you know my answer, Sir.'_

_'Well, I don't.'_

_Hank sighed. 'Mr. Mortimer it's the same that it was last month and the month before and the year before and the last three years.'_

_'You didn't even listen, Dr. Lawson.'_

_'Yes, I did.' He **so** did not!_

_'So there is nothing you can tell me about Evan R. Lawson? You're not related?'_

_Hanks eyebrow raised in confusion. Did he just mention Evan?_

_'His my younger brother, why would you ask?'_

_'We were looking for young accountants to give them a chance to gain some experiences here. They wouldn't make a lot of money, but they'll have a much better chance to get very well paid jobs after the three years here. A few people knew that it was a great chance and send their applications. Your brother was one of them. The hospital manager had sort out three and again your brother was one of them. Now it's my decision who's the best for us.'_

_Hank hadn't known that his brother had sent an application to the hospital. But he knew that Evan had told him such places were a great reputation for his chance to start a real career in his job. 'I see. Well, how can I help you? Evan is one of the best of the new accountants this year. And I am not talking New York City. He's in the top ten list national wide. I guess that's all you have to know and you can ask him all the other things if you just invite to an interview.'_

_'You know, Dr. Lawson, he has sent applications to four other hospitals in this city. And as far as I'm informed to at least twenty more in the whole state. We hospital accountants talk. One of them told me about an Eddie Lawson. I think he's your father. He was in jail. Is known for fraud, alcohol issues and gambling. See, there is always one that gets the bad genes. You are a well known and great doctor, so obviously you were not the one.'_

_'Stop! Are you saying that Evan is like our father? You don't even know my brother!'_

_'I don't have to, I don't like to have someone responsible for the hospitals money with a criminal and addicted father.'_

_'So you let me come here to tell me you won't give him a chance?'_

_'Yes, and I don't think I can handle two Lawsons anyway. I guess you know what I mean, right?'_

_Hank knew. They didn't like each other. No bit. They worked in the same hospital, but didn't talk to each other, if they didn't talk about the costs etc. 'What is that supposed to mean, Mr. Mortimer?'_

_'As long as you're here, I'm afraid your brother won't get any invitation from me. And the hospital can not allow to lose you.'_

_'I don't think that's fair. Evan is not at all like Eddie. And just because you and I don't get along doesn't give you the right to not even give him a chance. If he comes here and you don't want him, fine. But you should give him a chance. Remember the manager gave you his application. What will you tell him?'_

_Mr. Mortimer didn't know what to say about that and Hank grinned inside. He knew he had won. 'I'm gonna call you're brother later and let him come. But remember, we hospital accounts talk.'_

_Hank left and ran to change clothes. He got into his car and noticed that he was already ten minutes too late. He just hoped Evan wouldn't be one of the first. He didn't want to miss the speech that his brother had worked on for the last four weeks. And damn he promised him._

_There was an accident and he had to wait for thirty minutes to drive again. He felt bad, but hoped Evan would understand the situation. When he came to the ceremony it was almost done. Evan had held his speech very early as he could read at the paper he had been given when he came there. He didn't see Evan at first and asked a few other students of his class, if they had seen him. _

_'Who's Evan?' One guy asked._

_'Evan R. Lawson, he was in your class.'_

_'Richie he means...' The girl wanted to say something, but remembered Evan's brother was standing there with them. 'He means the guy that doesn't talk to anyone.'_

_Hank could see in the girls eyes that she wanted to add and nobody wants to talk to him anyway. He took a deep breath. 'So, did you see him?'_

_The guy, Richie, was grinning. 'Yeah, he was looking for someone in the audience before and after his speech, but didn't find one. Hadn't expected that someone would come there for him, don't think he has many friends. No offense, Sir.'_

_Hank had a hard time to stay calm. He felt the need to beat that grin out of the kids face. 'Where is he?'_

_'Well he didn't find who he was looking for and started crying like a baby, like he always...ehm sorry, because nobody of the other students wanted to ask their parents, if they had taken a picture of him or a video during the speech. He said he would even pay for it. He ran away to the restrooms.'_

_Hank turned around and ran there, too. He was so mad at the group, he could still hear them talking about his brother when one of them said 'can you imagine the freaky whore has a brother?' He thought about going back and beat the hell out of the group, but again, he had to find his brother. He knew that the kid would be more than disappointed. Hank ran faster and made it to the restrooms. He could hear Evan's sobs. He felt so guilty. 'Evan? Open the door, it's me, Hank.'_

_'No, go away, Hank, leave me alone.'_

_'I won't, I'm sorry I was too late, but I'll find a way to make it up to you.'_

_'How can you make up for that? It was the most important day in my life and you promised to be there and let me down. Why did you come at all? You don't care for me, you don't love me.' The next words were barely a whisper, probably said to himself and not for Hank to hear. 'Nobody does. I hate myself. Just want to die.'_

_Hank was shocked. He was beyond shocked. There were suddenly images of his brother in the toilet, hurting or even killing himself. There was a razor blade and far too much blood. That was enough for him to freak out. 'If you don't open that damn door Evan R. Lawson and make me climb into your small room, I'm so gonna kick your ass and won't talk to you forever!' He yelled at Evan. Then he relaxed. _

_'Listen kiddo, I'm really sorry. Man, I am so proud of you, number 8 of the whole US. Please open the door and let me explain why I didn't make it, okay? Evan of course I care and do love you. Don't you dare to think otherwise.' _

_'You really do, Henry?'_

_'Do you really have to ask? Don't you know it? Yes, I do. Since I laid eyes on you the very first time and till I'll close my eyes forever, remember?' That's what he had told him every night in the foster home._

_'Okay.' Evan got out at the toilet and into Hank's arms. 'You don't have to explain.'_

_Hank looked like an idiot now. 'Evan, the door **wasn't **closed the whole time I talked.'_

_Evan looked at him with this heart warming charming smile. 'Never said it was.'_

_Two days later Evan had had the conversation with Mr. Mortimer and didn't get the job and didn't get any other job in the other hospitals. It took him a while to talk about it, but then he told Hank that Mr. Mortimer had made him look like he was Dad and that he couldn't trust him enough. Hank remembered the accountants threat and was so pissed. He would take care of that problem, but for now he had planned a video night with his brother. They watched to of Evan's favorite movies and then he got another one that he wanted to show him. _

_'I don't think I can make it through another one, Henry, I'm so tired.'_

_'It's a short one and you won't regret it.'_

_He sat down next to Evan and laid his arm over his shoulder. Evan was a bit surprised, but when he saw the video of his speech... he didn't know what to say. He thought he had never been this happy before. 'How did you get this, Hank?'_

_'Let's say I have connections.' Yeah, I was talking to the parents of the mean group and threatened them to sue their children for mobbing, mentally abuse or whatever – he thought, but there was no need to tell Evan._

_'Thank you, Hank.'_

_'No need, kiddo. I have to thank you. Man, I think I'm the proudest big brother in the whole wide world. And this speech... Evan, I didn't know you were so good in such things. I should have known the last doctors ball, when I didn't know how to write my own speech and did so bad.' He reached down next to the couch and got a package for Evan. 'Here, that's for you, hope you like it.' _

_Evan didn't know what to say and opened the package slowly. There was some money, what Evan thought was too much, and there was a white jeans and, the last one was the one that Evan loved the most, a black shirt that said: Yeah, I love numbers, call me a freak you bitch! And in small white letters on the left sleeve it said. For the best brother, love Hank._

_'Thank you, Hank.' Evan was close to tears and so was Hank, so he hugged him tightly to hide them from his little brother._

And the shirt he was holding now, was exactly this one with some blue jeans that belonged to Evan, too. And he suddenly remembered the entry in the diary about Evan waking up naked in NYC. _I am so gonna kill Eddie!_

He looked for clothes that would fit him and changed fast. He took Evan's clothes with him, ran to the kitchen to check there and then to the basement to get his bag. Five minutes later he was on the road thinking of a place where he could start looking for Evan or if he should call the police. That would probably be the best.

He was at the police station for almost two hours and they told him they would do their best to find Evan. Hank insisted to be with them, when they would find Eddie and free Evan. They told him that it was impossible, being a civilian.

"He's my brother and he will need medical treatment right when you get him out. I'm a doctor, I can do that. Those are two good reasons for me to come with you, right?"

"I'm afraid not, Sir. We will make sure an ambulance will be there and we'll let you know which hospital will be the chosen one."

Hank was too exhausted to argue. He left and rent a room in a small hotel. They had a small store with casual clothes for men. He bought a few things for himself and for Evan and went to his room.

He was thinking of Evan all the time. Suddenly remembering that his brother had said something the moment they took him away. If he just knew what it had been. No matter how hard he tried, he didn't remember. He didn't want to sleep and fought it for another hour, but then his body took what it needed and he fell in a deep dreamless sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

He woke up after a long sleep. It was already morning again. 6.15 am. Hank felt like he could need some more rest and was drifting soon. Some voices kept him from falling asleep, though. They were outside his room. He decided it was time to get up. The hope of more sleep gone. He got out of bed and yelled at the same time. "Evan, what's wrong with you? Shut up, my head hurt!"

He realized several things at once. The voices were already gone, he was not in his own room, giving the sight outside the window he even wasn't in the Hamptons, he was in what seemed to be a hotel room and Evan wasn't there. How he had come there and why wasn't clear for him.

It hurt to think and a frustrated touch on his temple gave him more pain, but it also helped him to remember what had happened in the last two days. Evan had been kidnapped from their house. Emily had had something to do with it. His father had been part of it as well. Evan had been drugged. Then there had been a shot and his brother had been taken away.

The thought of Evan gone, hurt. Not knowing where he could find him or what was happening to him was worse. _Hold on, Evan, I'm gonna find you. Please, hold on!_

He remembered that he had promised to take care of Evan, that he had promised he won't let them hurt him again and he knew he had probably broken the most important promises he'd ever made. He let his baby brother down. They had taken him away, out of his arms. The image of Evan struggling and holding on to his hands with desperation will be burnt into his brain forever. The fingers of his brothers trying to hold on, even though he had already lost grip. They literally had pried Evan out of his hands. And he hadn't been able to stop them.

Evan was gone. He hoped it was a nightmare and he would wake up anytime soon. But he knew in his heart that none of this had been a dream. He was at the police department to tell them his story and what had happened to his brother. He told them all he knew and damn, that wasn't much.

He promised to himself that he would find Evan, no matter what. He was determined that he would not break this promise. _Okay, Henry, think. _He didn't know what to do, no matter how hard he tried to think of anything. He had looked around in his fathers house, but hadn't found anything. Well, actually he hadn't looked around, he had been looking for clothes and his brother, but not for any hints of where they had brought him. And it was too late now to go there, because he had been talking to the police and they had told him they were going to look through the house. He was frustrated with himself that he hadn't thought about it earlier.

His chances to find Evan were zeroed. There was nothing he could do. He had failed his brother twice, not been carrying enough about what had been going on with him and then...the thoughts of how horrible out the younger Lawson had been, caught in his hallucinations, made him sick.

"No, no, no I can't just sit here and wait! I've gotta do something!" He said to himself.

He needed to think, but first he had to get a coffee and some breakfast. Hank took a long hot shower and felt a lot better afterward. He took the elevator and went down to the little restaurant that was part of the hotel. He was brought to his table and ordered coffee and some ham & eggs. He ate slowly, wondering what his next step should be. The doctor ordered a second coffee and asked for the newspaper of the day.

The coffee was good, actually better than his own, not as good as Evan's though. He opened the newspaper and read through most of the news pretty fast or didn't even look at them, but then he saw one that made his heart skip a beat. It was about a car that had been found empty on a highway. The passengers were still missed and the police had found some bloodstains and and a watch in the trunk. The article didn't say the license number, but it was the same care his father had. He knew the area where the car had been found and he knew he had to drive there, but first thing after his coffee was the way to the police.

That's what he did and an hour later he sat with Detective Pierce at his desk. It was noisy in the room. Many people were talking to each other or on the phones. Phones were ringing and a group of teenager had big mouths and didn't care at least that it was the police that taken them there. They had stolen several cars and beaten up a few of the owners and were proud and stupid enough to let the whole room know. Some of the policemen silently wished that every case was this easy.

Detective Pierce was probably in Hank's age, but his black hair already had several gray shades. His soft face was totally opposite to his deep strong voice. Hank knew pretty fast that the voice was more like the man's character. He wasn't exactly friendly or understanding and Hank hoped that he was better in his job than with people. The conversation made him feel uncomfortable, but he knew it was for Evan and that gave him the strength to go through it without yelling at the detective.

"So, here are the pictures of the car and the watch we found."

_Finally. _Hank's hands were shaking, when he took the small evidence bag from Pierce. He had been very sure that it would be his brothers watch, but to actually see it felt so much worse.

Evan had loved this watch since the first time he had seen it, but he had never been able to afford it. So Hank had bought it one year. It was the most expensive gift he had ever given to anyone, but Evan's look and smile when he had unwrapped it was worth every dollar. His younger brother had always been very appreciative for every small gift, but this had been more. For both of them.

The watch had Evan's name on the back and says 'Love, Hank'. He couldn't speak, so he nodded to let Pierce know that it was his brothers watch. His emotions threatened to overwhelm him, but he didn't get a break. Pierce took the watch from Hank. The doctor needed all his strength to give it back. It was something that was important to his little brother and his little brother was important to him. The watch felt like a line that connected him to his brother.

He closed his eyes before looking at the pictures he held in his hands now. When he opened them again, he saw his fathers car from different viewing angles from the outside and inside of the car and then there were three more from the trunk. A blanket. It took him a few seconds to comprehend that the brownish spots on it were dried blood. There were so many different bloodstains in different sizes. A lump formed in his throat. It was much more blood than he had expected. More than just the bit from his brothers wrist and a few harmless injuries. _Too much blood, oh God, please let him be okay._

"Is it Evan's blood?" _Of course it is! No, it can't be!_

"We don't know yet, Dr. Lawson, but it most likely is."

"Do you need a sample for the DNA test?"

"No, we took samples from the basement. You told us that he had vomited and well, we have all we need, but no results yet. The lab will need some time. They are very busy and other cases are more important..."

That was too much for him. "More important?! My brother has been drugged against his will, beaten and only God knows what else has been done to him. He is still alive and we can save a life here."

"Dr. Lawson, I understand your anger, but we have robberies and murders and other cases. The lab works as fast as possible."

"I, I know. I'm sorry. It's just... there is so much blood. What if I find a lab that can have the results earlier? I can pay for it. I have connections to labs." He was still angry at Pierce. He understood the situation, but the words the detective had chosen, didn't sit well in his stomach.

"I'm afraid, Dr. Lawson, that we need the result from our crime lab."

"Could you send some of the samples to this lab?" He picked a card from his wallet. "I'm gonna pay it and you can still wait for your own results. But I have to know it for myself. I just have to..." Hank's voice broke. He didn't care. It was Evan they were talking about. _Evan._

"I don't know, if it's possible, but I will find out and give this card to our lab. They will call to let you know."

That was it. The conversation was over. Hank knew now that his brother had been in the trunk. He was sure that it was Evan's blood. He should be pissed or worried, but all he could feel was numbness.

He left the department and got a card from the city and found the area where the car had been found. His heart was racing in his chest. Not so far away from the area was a small airport. He swallowed. His brother could be thousand miles away by now.

_Diaries! _The word came out of nowhere, he was sure Evan had mentioned it. But he didn't know what he had said exactly. But it was a first hint and Hank drove back to the Hamptons to read the diaries. The rest of Evan's words and Eddie's words hadn't come back to him, yet. He wasted precious time following a hint that wouldn't be helpful, but he tried.

Several states away a young man was fighting demons that weren't there. He was cold. All he was wearing were dirty wet underpants. Still the same that he had worn when he had been taken from his bed. He was too drugged to notice that he didn't have control over his bladder and other bodily functions anymore. And the few times he was aware, he was tortured and in too much pain to worry about it. The shirt wasn't a shirt anymore, there wasn't much left of it.

He tried to keep the hope that someone would find him. That Henry was looking for him, but he remembered the blood that he had seen on his brothers temple.

The rare clear thoughts he had were mixed with fear, grief and hopelessness. He was afraid Hank was dead and he wasn't sure, if he could and wanted to live through this, when his brother wasn't waiting for him. That would mean he would be alone. He had been lonely for many times of his life, but he had never been alone. Hank had been there for him all his life. But he knew, that Hank would find him, if he was able to. And there were still times he had this hope.

It was dark around him, the hallucination had control over him, while his body and mind were becoming weaker with every minute.


	32. Chapter 32

**Okay, I'm mean to poor Evan and I guess in a way to Hank. Maybe a bit too evil for Royal Pains, but the story went this way. It's not my fault; I swear. Didn't do nothing. Hank's wasting time, Emily is a snake and Eddie can't stay put at one place. The only one doing what I want him to do is poor sweet Evan. I'm suffering with him, but there ain't anything I could do to help him, as I said... not my fault...**

* * *

Hank read through the diaries that Evan kept under his bed. He read a lot about his brother that he didn't know, but there wasn't any hint of his where-about so far. He had only two books left, but his body ached for food and water and it wouldn't help anyone, if he didn't take care of himself. He should have rested, too, but he didn't think he could rest as long as his younger brother was missing.

He took the last two books with him and prepared some food in the kitchen. He had some water and ate some sandwiches at the counter. His weary eyes scanned every page for the answer he was trying to find so desperately, but he wasn't successful.

All he had learned by reading the diaries made him sad. He was a lousy brother. He sucked big time! Even though Evan had never written this, he knew it himself. Evan felt lonely and isolated in the Hamptons. He had no real friends and spent most of his time alone, while Hank met people for dinner or went to bars with a few friends. Evan had never complained about it and Hank had never asked. He had just assumed that Evan had had plans with people as well. _I'm gonna make up for it, kiddo! Just have to bring you back home._

He laid down on the couch to close his eyes for a few minutes. Trying not to think about anything. He hoped to find an answer as soon as his mind had some time to reset. It actually worked much better than he had expected, but there was a negative part to it. He fell asleep and lost more precious time.

* * *

_His mother kept touching him, kissing him on his cheek. The nails of her bony fingers cut through his skin deep in his flesh. Blood from her mouth mixed with his. People that he didn't know kept pulling on him from all sides. There was pain everywhere, he couldn't feel his left arm anymore. It happened so fast, he didn't notice it right away. When he tried to move his arm, it didn't react and when he looked at his side, where his arm was supposed to be there was nothing, but a but flesh and blood from his shoulder. His arm was gone. He screamed. But the violent pulling on him didn't stop. It went on until his right leg was ripped from his body. He wished to pass out, but didn't. The horror went on for him. _

_A new wave of pain rocked his body, when his mothers fingernails cut down his torso, starting on his chest and ending at his navel. She then cut along his waist. Her nails were sharp like a scalpel. His body was a bloody mess now. He couldn't stop the screams that escaped his mouth in horror and pain. Then shock set in and he staired with motionless eyes at the ceiling. He did still hear the dead people, they still worked on him, he also felt the pain they were causing him, but his voice didn't work and his screams were soundless. Nobody was there to care about them anyway. Nobody was there to care about him. A lonely tear ran down his bloody face. But nobody was there to see the horror in his widened almost dead eyes. Nobody, but the skeletons that hurt him._

* * *

Hank woke up after several hours sleep. It was already dark outside and he cursed himself for falling asleep. _Fucking idiot! Darn, nice job, Henry, let him down again!_

He ate the rests of his lunch and drunk a lot of water. A few minutes later his elbows leaned on his upper thighs. His head rested in his hands. His eyes were closed. He tried hard to recall the last few minutes of the events in his fathers basement.

_Emily had been pointing with a gun at them. The look in her eyes didn't leave any doubt to whether she would or wouldn't use it. Eddie and himself had been fighting for Evan's body. His brother had been in pain. There had been the shot. Not very long after his hands had left the last contact to his brothers hands. Eddie had said something and Evan had looked hurt and terrified after those words. He had said something to Hank. Something about the diaries. _

"Great! There was nothing in your diaries, Ev."

If he could just remember the words from Eddie. He was sure it would help him to remember Evan's words as well. His head was aching and he reached out to massage his temples. He had forgotten about the small wound. But now that he touched it, it brought pain – and something else. An image, words... a memory.

_Stop fighting, Evan, I'm gonna bring you to our old nice places, remember? You will meet many old friends._

_My diaries, Henry! First three years!_

"First three years!" And here he had spent most of the day looking in the wrong books. "Why can't I just listen to him once?!" Hank was frustrated with himself. He had to drive back to NYC and get Evan's old diaries from the storage. But how? He ran in Evan's room and tried to find out where the storage was and who he had to call. It didn't take long. He found a small address book and the name of the storage place. If you could be sure about one thing regarding his brother, it was that he kept track on everything that included business.

It was close to midnight. There was no sense in driving there tonight. He packed all kinds of medications in his bag and a lot of water, some chocolate bars and other stuff he or Evan might need. He put everything in the trunk. Ready to leave in the early morning. He'd find his little brother. He was sure, he had to. There were no other possible options in his mind.

Hank went to his room and tried to sleep, but the thoughts of his brother kept him awake. The silence in the house was overwhelming. His fear was growing. His eyes were closed, but he never drifted to sleep. The first time since he had come home to find Evan gone, he finally broke down. He started crying loud, convulsive sobs. He sat up, feet on the floor, pressed his hands against his eyes and fell down on his knees, praying for his brothers life.

He was crying so hard that his vision was blurred, when he walked to Evan's room. He almost ran into the closed door. His hands were shaking, when he opened the door and entered the room.

Henry laid down on his brothers bed. Caressed the sheet, blanket and pillow. He felt and smelt his brother everywhere, well, or his mind made him believe so. He'd never known how much he could miss Evan. The thought of losing him was unbearable and that it should be this evil way made things just worse. He embraced the pillow and held it tight, like he would be hugging the younger Lawson. He cried even harder now and screamed out as loud as his lungs would allow: "Evan!"

He repeated his brothers name over and over again, though breathing wasn't easy through all this desperate crying. He fell asleep after an hour crying. He not once let go of the pillow. He kept it close to his heart until he woke up again a few hours later. It gave him comfort, it was like his baby brother was with him.

* * *

While Eddie was discussing with the first six of his new clients, Emily waited at the window for Evan to become more coherent again. When she thought that the drug was wearing off some, she entered the room.

"Look at me!"

The drugged man, didn't hear her. He didn't **want **to hear her. She was evil. His eyes would be burnt, if he tried looking at her.

She pushed one hand in his curled hair and pulled his head back. He was forced to look at her, but his eyes were closed. He didn't dare to open them. All he could do was whimper. He didn't want her to hurt him again.

"Look at me now, or I'll make you!" Nothing happened and the little patience she had was gone. She couldn't kill him, but she could hurt him. She slipped brass knuckles over both hands and blew several hits at his ribcage. "Look at me now!"

His whimpering was louder now, but he still didn't look at her. He was too scared. She blew more hits at his chest, his lower buddy and some more at his face. She stopped soon enough to keep him from passing out. "Look at me!"

He didn't want to, but the pain was so intense. The hits to his chest left him breathing hard. He couldn't bear it anymore. His eyes opened, the lids were heavy and it wasn't easy to keep them open.

"You know, loser, you could make this so much easier for me, if you'd stop playing hero. It would also be less painful for you." With the last word one of her hands crashed between his legs. The groan and agony made her smile.

He just wanted to pass out, close his eyes and escape the monsters around him, the strange woman-snake-monster that talked to him in Emily's voice. But fate didn't mean well with the youngest Lawson. He looked at her, saw her legs, torso and arms – they all were surrounded and almost covered by several very large snakes. Oh yes, he very much wanted to pass out. This thing scared him.

"I want every fucking number of every single bank account that your brother has. If you're nice, you can keep yours." _Not that you'll ever need it again. _

He shook his head. His lids became heavier with every passing moment. He was still out of it, but aware enough to know he will never again lose his brothers money.

"I was afraid you'd be stubborn. But don't worry, it won't be long and you'll tell me everything, just so I let you go."

He could feel her breath on his face. Her eyes were locked with his. He could see now, that it weren't several snakes around her whole body. It was one with many heads and where her hairs were supposed to be there were her babies. "Mannnyy sssnakessss...told ya, H'nk, Em issa ssssnaaaake." He giggled, it was an unhealthy crazy giggle, but it made her mad.

She cut the little fabrics that were left on his body in pieces, every time the knife touched fabric, it cut deep in his skin as well. She held a syringe up, made sure he saw it. "Your last chance, tell me about your brothers accounts."

He couldn't speak anymore, he shook his head. Every muscle in his body stiffened. But as the syringe touched the skin of his arm, he tried to yank away from her. With the panic the voice came back. "No! Please...no!"

She madly grinned at him. "Did you change your mind? I'm listening."

"No," it was merely a whisper. He didn't want anymore of those horrible drug, but he wouldn't fail his brother again. The last disappointment had always caused the end of their relationship. The risk was too high.

He closed his eyes and soon felt the horrible liquid running through his veins. It wouldn't be long and the snake-lady wouldn't be the only monster haunting him. He knew it, he cried.

"If you think you had a bad trip by now, wait for this one. Made it extra special," she said in a mad whisper, before she yelled: "'cause you piss me off!"

Several minutes later the drug began its work. There was an earthquake and he desperately tried to crawl away from it, but it was impossible. There was no way to escape. The earthquake followed him. In his last aware moments, he realized that it wasn't the earth shaking, but his body convulsing. "Help, Eny... soon."

He was left alone in the room, but there were eyes watching him from outside the room. Twelve eyes were surrounding one laptop a few steps above him. The six men turned around to Eddie.

He smiled at them, the two people behind him smiled to the six fascinated men as well. "You know him, guys. So I don't have to tell you much. The facts are also in the mails you received from me. We will move on to another place soon. It's time to start this. Let's talk about the price, Gentlemen."


	33. Chapter 33

Hank woke five minutes before his alarm would have went off. He didn't waste a minute, he showered and was on the road fifteen minutes later with a self made coffee-to-go. He'd be in NYC at 8 am, the best time to meet with the storage guy. He'd call him thirty minutes before arriving there.

He ignored every single tempo-limit on his way to NYC, but it still wasn't fast enough for him. And if things weren't already bad enough, he was ordered to stop by two cops. _Damn! _He hit the wheel with his palm.

"I'm sorry, I know I was too fast. Can we make this quick?"

"Just get out of the car first, Sir and let me see you're papers."

He got out of the car, handing his license and the papers to the cop on his right. He looked at his watch. The policemen noticed his nervousness and nodded to each other. "Turn around, Dr. Lawson, legs spread, hands on your car."

"Do we really have to do that, now?" He sighed, but did as ordered.

They checked him for any kinds of weapons and the tension eased some after they found nothing on him. "Okay, Dr. Lawson, you're pretty anxious. Is there any particular reason, why you drove too fast?"

"No, look I've no time for..." One look at the two men told him that this answer was just so wrong and would cost him time he didn't have right now. "Yes, my brother has been kidnapped a couple of days ago and I might be able to find out more about his where-about. So, I'm on my way to NYC and find out, if I'm right. And after that I want to talk to Detective Pierce from the NYPD."

"What's your brothers name?"

"Evan."

"Okay, my partner is going to check this, Sir. It won't be long. But you know you were too fast, Dr. Lawson."

"Yes, I know. That's not a problem. I know the consequences, Officer."

The other policeman came back and gave Hank's papers back to their owner. "I guess, you can drive ahead, Sir, but don't speed. I also suggest that you talk to Detective Pierce first and let him take care of this case. It's his job."

Hank nodded, mumbled a short thank you and goodbye and was on the road again. He was relieved that everything went well, but the time he lost annoyed him. He knew they were right, but that didn't help him right now. _I start to feel like Evan, there is always a __**but**__ with him, seems I pick this habit up with him gone._

His date with the cops and the descent driving afterward cost him forty-five minutes. When he finally called the storage-owner, his tension increased again. It wouldn't be long now and he would hopefully find an answer to his question. Trying to avoid the inner need to speed up, he turned the radio on for some kind of distraction.

* * *

The nine-people-crowd sat together in one room. Emily sat next to Eddie, the third person in their inner circle on the floor in front of them and the six other men shared the two couches in the big room.

"Okay, dear friends. I suggest you write down your offers on the papers in front of you. Put them in the envelopes, sign them with your name and give them to Emily. We'll find out, who's the one with the highest offer and will let you know within the next 48 hours, if you're still in the game. The next group will make their offers and the winner of your little group will have a chance to make a new offer then. There will be three groups with yours. I guess the final decision will be made in less than an hour. Just take a last look on the screen, if you want to. It's up to you, but I'd say it's definitely worth some of you're money, isn't it? You know how hard it is to find good quality nowadays." Eddie threw a charming smile at the group in front of him.

If there was anyone of them thinking that the man must be crazy to offer them ...this... him... his own son, he didn't say it. But if there was anyone thinking this way, he probably wouldn't have been there in the first place.

Some of the men wrote down their offers without another look at the convulsing incoherent form of the young man in the basement. Others needed a few more minutes to watch in silence to make up their mind about the amount they were willing to pay. There was no doubt about the **if**, but there were doubts about the **how much**.

* * *

Not far above people were discussing his value like he was just some item and not a living human being. But to be perfectly honest, if he wouldn't have been so out of it and you could have really talked to him, he probably would have doubted that he was 'being'. He was existing, that's all. Living? Well, did his heart beat and was his brain still active? Yes, but there's much more to 'living' than your vitals.

The worst of all. Human? His face, his body, his surroundings were covered with his sickness, blood, urine, fecal, bile, drool and whatever things a body could produce. There was no way he could move to a clean place, because the room was small and there wasn't such a thing like a clean place left. And even if there would have been some space for him, it would have still been dirty with the dust and rotten mice.

The new drug was worse, one of the rare times that Emily hadn't lied. He had all those hallucinations and even more than before, they felt much more real and the seizures and uncontrolled movements of his limps, his head and his eyes made things worse. It was like his body reacted directly to the hallucinations. Evan was gladly far too drugged to be aware of it.

If his brother could have seen him now with his rolling eyes, his twitching legs and arms, rolling his body over the floor through all his body fluids and all the other things that were happening to him, he would have broken down. Hank wouldn't have been able to ever forget that scene again. Gladly, Hank wasn't there. No, it was actually fucking bad that his big brother wasn't there to stop any of those.

_There were too many people, dead ones, but also Hank and his father and there was Emily. No, not Emily, a giant snake with many heads and baby snakes on her head with Emily's face. The snakes were hissing at him and he was able to see their scaring tongues and eyes. Eddie laughed at him, it was an evil laugh. Hank told him he wasn't better than Dad. No, worse. He said, he was **like** Dad. He didn't want to be like Eddie or Eddie's friends. They had hurt him so badly, when he had just been a little boy and they had been gone all those years now, but they were with him now. _

_He tried to kick everybody away from him, dead or alive. He closed his eyes to pretend they weren't there. But his eyelids seemed to be transparent all of a sudden and through closed eyes he could still see all the skulls and faces that surrounded him. His mother was there again. Laughing right beside his left ear. Telling him 'Mommy is gonna take care of you' while coughing her blood at him._

_His legs and arms were fighting against people that weren't there, but **were** there. He wanted them to leave, all he wanted was for Henry to stay with him, but the Henry that was there now, was a mean and hateful big brother, not the loving and caring one he got so used to. In a world where he didn't even had his big brother to love him, he'd be lost and alone and unloved. _

_There was a last desperate attempt to get those monsters off of him. He got on his knees, then on his feet and tried to walk away, but his legs failed and he was down on his knees again in no time. Even his knees failed him, too, and he crawled away from the attackers. But they followed him, were hanging on him, laying on him, pulling on his limps in every direction. There was no other choice for him to get rid of them. His fingertips touched the wall first. Then his hands. He took a final breath and crashed his head over and over again at the concrete._

* * *

The men had just left and Eddie and their partner were outside talking. Emily prepared some new medications for their next journey. She looked at the laptop screen, when she walked by. She had almost left the room, when realization hit her and she stepped back to the scene in the basement.

She didn't waste any time. "The bastard is trying to kill himself!" She yelled at the men outside and ran downstairs to the basement. Evan was too strong for her in his drugged self-hurting state of mind. She had to wait for the two men.

They took him on his arms and legs and pulled him away from the wall. They put his left arm on his back and tied it to his right foot, the right arm on his left foot. His body was still convulsing like some last silent protest, then he went limp, finally unconscious, at a place where the monsters couldn't follow him. His hair, head and face were covered with fresh blood now.

Emily checked on him, he was alive, but they had to wait and see. She couldn't tell if there was any severe damages. They had turned on the light and there was a lot more of Evan's blood on the wall.

"Will he live, Emily?"

"Yeah, I guess, he will, Ed, but I can't say for how long. We need Hank's money and that's it. If he lives to make the deal with one of your friends that's great, if not, well, too sad we lose the money, but otherwise... we just get rid of him."

* * *

Hank didn't know anything about all of this, when he finally arrived at the storage place and stood in front of the open box. He was actually surprised that there wasn't much in it. It seemed like Evan had thrown away many things, when they had moved or did his little brother never had much? No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't remember. Another thing that made him feel guilty for being such a careless brother.

He had considered to call the police and tell them about the storage and the diaries and what Evan had said about it, but he was sure that he wouldn't have been able to look at the diaries himself as soon as the police had put them in one of their small evidence bags. He could call them once he knew more, but not yet.

It didn't take long to find the diaries. There was a huge box full of them. He got the box in his car and drove to a quiet place. What would be better than a library? He dared to smile, when he left the storage. His hopes were up again.


	34. Chapter 34

His head hurt like hell. The pain was so severe that he wasn't able to think about anything else. Even moaning hurt. He just laid still for another fourteen minutes before he tried to move his head again, hoping to find a more comfortable position. The pain in his head exploded and sent new waves of agony through his nervous system. _That's it, I'm dying. _He didn't die, but had to admit that he nearly wished to for a moment.

It took him many slowly deep breaths to calm down and ease the pain. The headache was still bad, but he tried to open his tired, heavy eyes. His eyelids fluttered. He tried for a few more minutes before he's able to open them. But there wasn't much to see, it's dark around him.

Awareness grabbed him and he feels the pain in his arms, legs, his body. His arms and legs were tied to each other. The breaths he took didn't bring much fresh air in his lungs. He realized that he was in a trunk again. The aftereffect of the drugs hit him hard and he began to panic. His breathing fastened and his whole body started trembling. He moved his legs up, in desperation to open the trunk.

There wasn't any way to get out there. His panic caused more pain. Convulsions shook his head and his body. He screamed until his voice died. He was half conscious, when the car stopped.

The trunk was opened and bright light shined in his eyes. His head felt like a volcano that would erupt a new dimension of pain soon. Strong hands grabbed his almost naked body and threw him to the hard asphalt ground. His head and his ribs collided with the ground. The pain was too unbearable for him to take. It's bad enough to make his heart skip many beats, before the unconsciousness pulled him finally back to the pain free darkness.

* * *

2,400 miles away from Evan was his older brother still reading the diaries he had found. His emotions changed from anger to sadness to disbelief to hate and so on. He was reading about the torture his baby brother had gone through since he was just a little child. Hank had been shocked about the first words in his brothers diaries...

_Dad's always mean. Doesn't give me much food, always hungry and thirsty. Don't have friends, Dad says no! Makes me stay under the house, when Henry isn't home. Dark there, scares me. Hurts me with shoes or hits with his hands. Says I'm useless. Says nobody loves me, tell him Henry does, but Dad says Henry just says so, because he doesn't want to be mean. I don't know, maybe better if I don't wake up again._

….but to his horror that has been the harmless beginning. There was much more. As Evan had become older he started writing much more detailed. Hank was raging. How was it possible that their mother had never noticed what was going on? How had Eddie been able to do this to a sweet innocent child, not to mention his own son? And why had he himself never found out about it? Under the house meant obviously in the basement. Their basement that had always been dark.

Evan had written about the beatings, the starving, dehydration, psychological abuse, the things he had to do for their father, jobs that were too hard and exhausting for his young weak body.

Hank took a deep breath, when he was sure that he found the first hint that could help to find his brother.

_It's worse, Dad took me to friends. Let them hit me, had to do work for them. One made me wash him in the tub. It didn't feel right, but Dad made me to. Some only hit and kicked me, others wanted me to rub them. Feels wrong._

_Dad says we go to friends somewhere far, too risky here. Don't want to go, but he makes me to. Says we go to Washington, the state not city. Didn't know there were both. Said Seattle or so...something with a sea._

_Seattle sucks. Dad's meaner than at home. His friends here, too. Have to clean for them, sleep in barns or basements. So hungry, feel sick. One cut me on my chest. Scared he hurt my heart. Beats strange. We'll go to another place soon. Don't want. He says it's not so far. Scapuse or so. Oregon. _

_The friends here even worse. Make me sleep outside in the cold. Only good thing is snow, can eat it, when I'm thirsty. Not much snow. Fever. Sleepy, can't. Make me bath with them or shower. Clean there toilets. Too much pain. Can't take it anymore, just want to die, but won't. Will leave in two days to Portland. Not far away._

_Was wrong. Portland is very far. Not the one in Oregon. More than 3,000 miles I heard Dad tell someone. Don't know, if I can take more. They keep hurting me. Treat me like an unloved doll. Nobody smiles nice. One man smiled, but it was a mean smile, before he touched me, made me touch him. Where is Henry? Miss him. Dad says we drive home soon, but come back in a few months. Don't want to, but there's no way out. Dad said visit more friends then, makes me scared. Tried to be dead, but didn't work. Took razorblades to cut me, but it hurt so bad, couldn't finish. Dad was angry when he saw the blood. Kicked me till I was away._

_We're driving home. Keeps torturing me. Says I'm not good enough, didn't work much and not good. Said makes me pay for it. Just want to be happy. Henry will make it better. Tell him all, when I come home._

_Henry didn't have time. Too busy with school and his friends. Jealous he has friends. Nobody likes me. Mom says Dad makes me better, but he doesn't. Took her pills from the bath. Took a lot of them. Feel so sick now, but think it makes the pain go away. Want to go to heaven. I'm so sleepy, think I die soon. Good._

Hank was beyond shocked now. He was glad Evan had learned to write so early. He had taught him since he himself had went to school. He hoped that the diary had helped his little brother a little. Evan had just been 9 years old, when he had attempted suicide for the second time. How much pain must the kid had felt?

Dr. Lawson had tears in eyes, tears that were falling down on the diary. They ran an uneven line through his brothers words. Some letters almost vanished, others seemed to get bigger with the wetness.

He knew three locations he would go to now. He asked the young and attractive librarian for a map. She got it for him. "Are you okay, Sir?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well, your eyes are red." She said shyly.

"Oh, just some bad allergy. Thanks for the concern."

She left and he started figuring out which places his brother and his father had went to. Okay, there was Seattle, WA, then some place in Oregon. He wasn't quite sure about that one, because his brother didn't write it right. He opened his laptop and started to Google. The second place was probably Scappoose, OR. Okay the last one was Portland. Evan had written that it wasn't in Oregon. Considering the distance to the other Portland, he was sure that it was Portland, ME.

Okay he needed a way to get to Seattle fast. He searched for flights online and called to figure out, if there was a way he could get a ticket for them. He got one around 4.30 pm with Delta Airlines. It would be an over six hours flight, but that was the fastest way for him to get there. He grabbed his stuff and left the library.

It wasn't too long after, that he was on his way to the airport. He made sure that a rental car would wait for him in Seattle and waited nervously for the time to pass. He did some more research on the internet to find a hint where in Seattle his father had went to. He called several people for guestrooms, cabins, motels. But he didn't find anything. He tried to find out, if they had rented a car. And he was lucky. They had rented one with Emily's name.

Once he sat in the plane he felt exhausted and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep.

* * *

It was difficult to wake up. His head was still aching and his ribs hurt like hell, not to mention the rest of him. He was tied to a plain bed. No, make it chained. There was another chain above his stomach. He was hold tightly. There was no way to move. The room was dark and it was cold. Somewhere nearby was water dropping. Sounded like a sink. It was a terrible place. Not better than the ones he had been held before.

He hadn't time to think much. The light went on. Eddie, Emily and another man stood beside him. They had a bottle of whiskey with them. He pressed his mouth shut. It wasn't hard to tell what they were up to. Emily opened the bottle. She was now standing on the headboard, leaning over him. His father hit his elbow into his ribs and Evan couldn't help it and screamed in pain.

His mouth was open and Emily pushed the bottle down so hard that there was no other way than swallowing. He coughed, but she didn't took it away. He was unable to breathe, but Emily didn't stop. The liquid made him feel like drowning. He panicked, but she didn't take the bottle away until it was empty. She smiled.

Evan was drunken. He was sick. It was horrible. "Tell me about your brothers accounts."

"No, bitch!"

"Tell me about your brothers accounts." When he said 'no' again, she pulled another bottle through his lips and teeth and made him drink half of it.

"Still wonn tell ya." He slurred. The feeling of being drunken beyond his own control made his situation worse. It was harder to focus, almost impossible to think. He somehow knew that there was more than the alcohol. "No tell ya."

"Tell me about your brothers accounts." Emily said again.

He didn't want to tell them, but he couldn't fight her voice. Everything was blurry, he had no mental strength left. He told her the bank and about three accounts Henry had. Didn't want to. It made him sick, guilt washed over him and tears started running down his cheeks.

"Tell me about his savings and his password or pin-code."

"No waaaay. Neva."

She grinned evilly. "You will. Don't worry, you will." Emily pulled a syringe from her pocket and went beside the bed. "I think we just need some more horror to break you. I could just sedate you, if you'd change your mind now."

He shook his head. Dizziness and sickness mixed with fear and desperation. But he had already told her too much. He betrayed his brother and deserved to suffer. Wouldn't make difference anymore, Henry would find out what he had done and wouldn't be able to forgive him again. Yes, dead or alive, wouldn't make a difference.

The needle went through his skin into his vein. He felt the cold liquid running through his veins and it was just a couple of minutes later, when the monsters came back, when his mothers blood dropped down on him again. The dead touched him everywhere. They bite him, ate from his body.

Evan R. Lawson, CFO of HankMed, was again left alone in the darkness. But there was nothing more left than an almost empty figure. The drugs worked their way to his brain and it was harder for him to come back to awareness every time it wore off. Convulsions ran through his body. There was a noise, when another rib broke. But he was fighting his own horror. Too far gone to notice the new injury. Too far gone to notice the terrible pain in his back, too far gone to notice that he peed again and that the urine had a pinkish red color this time.


	35. Chapter 35

I love your reviews so thank you all! - Dear guest, you requested a story and if you would let me know what your name is, I would like to write it and dedicate it for you:)

To the story... I think it will end soon. Evan has a lot to go through until then... But it is about time the police gets to Eddie and Emily. Hank is so in need to know his brother is okay that there just has to be any kind of progress in the search.

* * *

He was in Seattle, finally. The flight had been uneventful. He felt well rested now and ready to go and find his baby brother. He didn't know where to go first though. It wouldn't make any sense to walk around and show people his brothers picture. He would do it, if he had to, but he knew it wouldn't help at all.

Hank kept trying to remember, if they had ever been to Seattle with their family or their father. But they hadn't had enough money back then to effort any kind of family holiday. With Eddie gambling and two kids, one a baby that had to had diapers. There hadn't been much money to spend on such things. Eddie had yelled at the baby that it was the boys fault. Evan had been scared off their father since his early life. Over the years it had changed to a desperate fight to be seen and loved by the older man, sadly he never succeeded.

_Oh God, Evan, I'm so sorry. I should have cared more. It's my fault. _Tears stung in his eyes and fell freely as soon as he sat in the rented Toyota. His brother would be surprised how many tears Hank was shedding lately, especially on his behalf. Hank was more the quiet caregiver, dealing differently with emotions. He wasn't as open as Evan that always needed to talk about everything. Right now he regretted being such an idiot. He should have told Evan more often that he did a great job, that he was proud of him and by all means, he should had let the kid know that he loved him.

Those thoughts started a fear in him that gave him a heartache. What if he didn't find Evan? If he never saw him again? Or alive? "No! He's alive and I'll get him back!" He wiped his tears away and drove around for a while to get his head free.

There was a red light and he stopped the car slowly. He watched the people that crossed the street. There was a man with his son, the boy was maybe five years old. They were wearing hiking shoes and this sight somehow pulled a trigger.

_Hank is excited, he and his dad will drive to a house far away from home. They will hike and play soccer and maybe go fishing. That will be fun. But his little brother is crying. He won't stop, even after dad hit him in the face and told him to shut up._

_Hank doesn't like that his dad hits Evan. He's only four years old and shouldn't be yelled at or hit, just because he's crying in sadness. When their father leaves the small room that is Evan's, he sneaks in to comfort his baby brother. The boys face is red and a little blueish. It's obvious that their father has used his fist to punish the kid. And it makes him as mad as a eight year old can be. "Come on, Evan, I hold you." Evan lays his head on Hanks chest and feels his big brothers arms around him. _

"_I want holidays, too."_

"_I know, Evan, but we will hike a lot and you can't walk so far. You can come along, when we go there the next time."_

"_Can't you stay home with me?"_

_The question breaks Hanks young heart. "No, but it will only be ten days."_

"_I'm scared without you. Who plays with me? Who takes care of me?"_

"_You can play with the kids in the neighborhood or your friends. Don't be scared. Mom is still here, remember? She's nice, isn't she?"_

"_I don't have any friends, the other kids don't like me. Only you. Mom, is sweet. Not mean like dad. But she's not you."_

"_I know and dad isn't bad, you know he just has problems and is angry sometimes."_

"_How comes he's always angry with me?_

"_Evan, he isn't always angry with you."_

"_Yes, he is. Always hurting me and... he yells at me."_

_Hank doesn't know what to say, he knows that his father mistreats the little boy, but he doesn't want Evan to feel like his dad wouldn't love him. "I will bring you a little gift from Seattle, I saved some money and bring you something, okay?" _

_It works. The change of the subject makes his baby brother smile. "Yeeeeeeeesssss! You are the best brother ever!"_

_Hank smiles. "I love you, cutie-pie."_

_Evan giggles. "Yeah! I'm your cutie-pie Love you, too." Before Hank knows his brother pushes him on his back and lays on him and kisses him all over his face and his lips. Just the wet sweet innocent way, that only little kids can._

Hank found himself smiling about the memory, but the drivers behind him didn't share that happy feeling. They honked, because Hank didn't drive. The doctor looked surprised up and drove ahead. He knew now he had been in Seattle before. He just had to remember where it had been. It's probably the only hint he had.

* * *

Not so far away, in a little town in Oregon, his brother fought the drugs in his system, wishing just a few minutes later he could still fight his mad inner demons. He's naked, hadn't showered in days, hadn't eaten at all, hadn't drank enough, never felt weaker and his body was bruised, not to mention that he hadn't seen a toilet in days either.

He heard steps coming closer, several people. They're talking, talked about him. He's too tired to open his eyes. Not really awake, yet. Someone grabbed his wrist and feet and freed him from his restraints, pulled him from the bed and on his feet. A voice from his right hisses: "Open your eyes!"

Evan shook his head once and even that cost him too much strength, no way he could move the heavy lids. The men, that held him until now, stepped away and he swayed heavily, just to end up on his knees a second later. He cried out in pain, his ribs hurt more than he had thought possible. A strong hand grabbed his hair and yanked his head back with full force. "OPEN your eyes!"

The accountant whimpered and fought with all the strength he _didn't_ have to open his eyes. It took him several times, but when he finally made it, the bright light above him hurt his eyes that had mostly seen darkness since God knew when. It's not just a little burning like a look in the sun, it was more like a bright fire burning his eyes out of their sockets and he closed them instantly to protect them.

But his father didn't spare him the pain. He pushed a knife next to the corner of his left eye and hurt the skin there till blood ran down like a bloody tear. "Open your eyes or your eyeball will be next."

He tried to prepare himself for the pain the light would cause, but when he opened his eyes again, the light was worse. He kept them open, let the agony out in a loud scream. It seemed forever. Then the strong grip on his hair was gone and his head fell forward. His father and a second man pulled him up to his feet again.

There in front of him was Emily with five men. Evan was embarrassed, he felt exposed to those strangers. No, it wasn't embarrassment, it was humiliating treatment. The feeling grew when he realized that the men were exploring him with their eyes, his whole body, the sad dirty figure he was now.

The man in the middle reached out and tried to touch him along his ribcage and Evan instinctively flinched. That didn't stop the older man though, it excited him in a way, not sexually, but something close to it, honestly damn close. He stepped closer to the young man. Evan who was still held couldn't get away. The man let his hands run down on both sides of his face, along his neck, down his chest, down to his navel.

"Don't!" Evan whispered in a dangerous voice that he didn't believe was in him. He spit the stranger in the face, not knowing how he was able to after not drinking enough. The guy cleaned his face with the sleeve of his shirt, but didn't step back.

"You know, I'd love breaking you." With those words he made a move and crashed his elbow into Evan's ribs and left another one broken.

The younger man wanted to bent over or protect his ribs with his arms, but he had no chance, all he could do was scream and he didn't stop for a long time.

* * *

There was a nice little restaurant in Seattle that looked inviting and quiet. The perfect place to go through the traveler's guide he had just bought and to eat something to keep his strength. He would need it once Evan was back with him. He ordered some water and a steak with fries.

He closed his eyes for a while and tried to think back to the holiday he had spent with Eddie. There had been many trees. A long rocky road to the lonely small house his father had rented. A creek had been close enough for him to walk there. But what else? His thoughts were interrupted by the waitress that brought his water.

It sucked, there wasn't much he could remember, but he hoped to find something familiar in the book. There just had to be anything. As soon as he got his food he started looking through the book, reading and screening every single picture.

No matter how hard he tried, there was nothing he could find. He finished the coffee that he had ordered after the quite tasty food. He sighed as he had to admit to himself that he couldn't find his baby brother. Not alone, not without help, professional help.

He paid the bill and left the restaurant and went to the next police station he could find. It was time that Evan would be rescued. Hank talked to the cop, told them about the detective in New York. While the two cops talked on the phone, he closed his eyes, but this time his thoughts were only by Evan. All the times he had been annoyed and now he found himself hoping that he would be annoyed by Evan as long as he lived. He was finally more worried than before. Thinking about the condition his brother had been in a few days ago, when he had last seen him. Panic took over.

The cop came back to him and kept talking, but he had a hard time to follow. The fear was suddenly too overwhelming. He jumped up and moved around the desk, sobbing, falling on his knees. The cop looked alarmed, but the doctor locked eyes with him and begged him to find his brother before it's too late. Under different circumstances he would be embarrassed, but right now the desperation he was feeling was stronger than every stupid fear or embarrassment.

It took a while for him to calm down enough to tell the policeman about Scappoose and Portland, Maine. He didn't think they were already in Maine, but damn, it was the most important person in his life, _his_ life and he was not going to lose Evan.

* * *

After Eddie and the strangers had left Evan was alone with Emily and the guy that had been with her and her husband all along. The man was his age. He wondered who he was and why he worked with them, but guessed that there were enough criminals out there that would do anything for money.

He still hadn't enough strength to stand on his own, but he didn't need to. The guy didn't bring him back to the bed. He pushed his fists into their victims chest and Evan fell backwards, he hit a wall with his back and his head and slumped down to the floor, his sight was gone and he was scared to death. But the sight came back. Restraints on his bloody wrists again. This time attached to the wall. The floor was cold and again wet. Emily hit him in the face again and the man kicked at his ribs. Evan passed out before the room got dark.

Emily and the guy, his name was Aaron, came back and found Eddie and their guests already sitting around a big table and enjoying their meal. They joined them and after talking about everything under the sun, they finally talked business and there was again the question how much Evan was worth to those men.

* * *

Hank didn't know about his brothers torture, when he smiled like he had just won a car. He was sure Evan would be with him soon and okay after he took care of him. The police had just found out, that Eddie and Emily had left Seattle and were in Scappoose now. They had also rented a second car. The smile grew and ended in a bright grin. Things were going to be okay.


	36. Chapter 36

Emily and Eddie brought both cars to Portland, OR and one back to Seattle, WA. Aaron had come back from running some errands in the early afternoon. He had noticed the two cops that were at the rental car company and had obviously asked questions. So while the couple was busy with the two cars, he bought a cheap used one and drove to pick them up in Portland.

Aaron was thinking about the police. It wasn't good that they were asking questions. Okay, he wasn't exactly sure that they were looking for them, but you never know. It's always better to minimize the risk though. As far as he knew, nobody knew about him or his part in this crime.

It wasn't a crime in his eyes. The money they would get out of this was a welcome side-effect, but his motivation was something that even Eddie and Emily didn't know about. All he wanted was revenge for a fucked up life. Well, the first ten years had been hard on him with no father at all and a mother who had been drinking too much since the day he was born. She had never missed to tell him that it was all his fault. That his father had still been with her, if she hadn't given birth to him. But his father had come back, when he was ten. It actually was his birthday and he had wished to meet his father on every single birthday since he had been three – and then there he had been standing with the coolest gift ever.

He had believed life would become better then and while he had much more fun and love at home, he still hadn't a real chance. They hadn't had much money and life still had sucked. Someone had to pay, and this spoiled asshole was just perfect for his revenge, to let all the rage, he had bottled up inside of him, out. He'd wiped the happy smiles out of the guys face and broken his positive attitude within few weeks.

He had always known that it would come in handy one day that he was a genius in chemistry. He'd been producing and selling drugs since his early teenage years. Just another fucked up part of his life, but one that he still fell back on, whenever he needed some money.

Even the car that he bought sucked! It was crazy how he always hit the score, well if shit was the highest you could get. He'd sell the rusty bitch as soon as they had their money. He already knew about a few cars he'd like to have. Well, first things first. He was driving to Portland and then they would get back to the piece of shit in the house.

The piece of shit laid on the floor, well as much as possible. He was delirious, high fever and dehydration didn't help his drugged up body and mind. In the very rare moments of awareness were just a few words repeating in his head: " Hurts! Water! Food! Hurts even more! Need Water! Sorry, money, Henry !Hank! Help! Eny, please! Dying!" Only some of those words made it from his brain through his lips.

His body was covered with sweat, blood and other body juices. His face was pale, just a few reds spots from fever. His eyes were glassy, unfocused and his sight was becoming worse. The wounds on his body were infected, were discharging pus. His torso was covered with bruises in all possible colors. Several broken and crashed ribs made breathing hard. One of his kidneys didn't work good enough anymore. What made things just worse and it was probably good that he didn't know all of this or that his heart stopped several times for a few seconds. Yeah, it was really good for him, because he was already pretty close to stop fighting for his life and he really didn't need any other thing that would push him over the edge.

He didn't know who all these men had been yesterday. Evan was sure he should know to be prepared, but then again, he couldn't change anything anyway. So he didn't care or wouldn't care, if he had the strength to do. All he knew was that he was lost, that he was screwed, if his big brother wouldn't find him soon. In other circumstance he'd laugh about the thought of his brother rescuing him, all bossy, yelling at his little brothers kidnappers, beating them up. Yeah, Henry in full mother-bear-mode was always a funny thing, but this situation would be much more fun (ignoring the fact that this was dangerous), Henry would become Henrynator. Well, a short one, but still one you shouldn't underestimate.

An agonizing pain rushed through his kidney. It was like an explosion in his organ and the terrified scream from his lips didn't stop until two minutes later, when his mind finally gave in and he fell unconscious.

Hank woke up to shots and screams of hurting or dying people. He was scared for a moment, paralyzed, not able to move. But the shots and voices were soon gone and a normal conversation between two men took their place. It was the TV, but he wasn't lying on his couch at home. He opened his eyes and looked around. It was a hotel room. In Oregon. He had driven there right after the news from the police yesterday. It gave him a feeling of closeness. His brother wasn't far away and he was hopeful the cops would find him soon.

He took a short shower. The warm water comforted him. It numbed all noises and he had a feeling that even his mind found a time to relax. Just for a few minutes there was nothing except the pleasure of being under a beautiful warm rain. He felt content. But the feeling didn't last long.

The towels helped his muscles to relax some more. He got dressed then and suddenly everything was back. His sick brother in their house, lying on the ground after a car had hit him, the moment Hank realized that Evan had been taken away, Evan in the basement in their fathers house, all his blood, his tortured body and mind and then the most terrible image. The one he would never forget in his entire life; Evan's hand trying to hold on to his grip, almost begging to help him, the second their touch ended and his brother was taken away from him again. He had failed the kid again.

His legs felt weak, he felt sick, just wanted to cry for Evan, for himself. Crying wouldn't help either of them and he knew it. He tried to focus a little more on his surroundings and it worked. The short moment of panicked desperation vanished. His strength came back. He brushed his teeth and went to breakfast not long after. The waitress there gave him the newspaper of the day and he took it with a smile. He was glad for the distraction, but there wasn't much he was interested to read and when he read, he didn't pay attention. Just a few seconds later everything he read was gone again from his mind.

Aaron didn't know what to think he was still a little annoyed by the scene yesterday. Emily was a bit touchy, lately. The breakfast he had organized in town hadn't been good enough. The juice wasn't juicy enough or whatever. Yesterday was the same topic, just a different thing.

"_Oh wonder, you finally made it here.", Emily complained, when she opened the door to the back of the car. "And you didn't care for some comfort either. This bitch shouldn't be called car. It's just shit on four tires."_

_Aaron got easily frustrated with her. He liked her most of the times, but she was very superficial and everything was about money and luxury. She could have never lived a life like the one he had gone through. "You can get out and walk back, lady. I'm not holding you here."_

_She stared at him. Emily wasn't used to people talking to her like that. "Or you can just shut up and drive your shitty princess."_

_Aaron wanted to say something more, but Eddie was faster. "Emily, I'm sure Aaron did the best he could given the situation and this car is only needed for short time, no need to spend an amount of money for a car that we get rid of soon." He turned around on the passenger seat to lock eyes with his wife for a brief moment. His hand touched her knee gently and they smiled at each other. _

_Eddie wasn't finished with talking, but now it was the young driver he talked to. "Come on, boy, don't get all upset. We had a hard day and didn't have foot, like we had planned to. She's just tired and hungry."_

_Aaron looked at the man. The warmth he received from those eyes. Yes, Emily could be a bitch, but she was a beautiful and often funny woman. Eddie liked her, so he liked her, too. _

He took a deep breath and sighed. He'd leave now though that it wouldn't be too late, when he came back. They had a lot of things to do, tonight or tomorrow, depending on how long he would need to get things done. He got in his car and drove away.

It was around noon, when the news came that Emily's car had been found and not even an hour later the second car was found in Portland. They had people watching both of the cars in case they came back to look for them. But one of the older detective sergeants had a gut feeling that they had just gotten rid of the cars to make sure the police won't find them.

Dr. Lawson wasn't so sure about it, but knew they couldn't do anything else than wait for Eddie or Emily to come back to the cars or for someone finding them around here. Either way, he hoped something would happen soon.

It took more hours, several cups of coffee and Gatorade until the next news came. It was 6:32 pm, when the words came he had waited for since Evan had been taken away from him. Their sound was like music in his ears. "We found them! We know where they are! Let's go!"

Hank wasn't allowed to come with them and when he was finally over the positive shock about the news, the cops had already been gone. All he could do now was hope, pray and wait. Oh and how he would wait – forever if he had to, as long as his brother would be with him again. Well, forever was a bit too long. Dr. Henry Lawson wasn't exactly known for his great patience, unless it was with patients.

He was actually proud of himself that he stayed so calm. Maybe he had thought otherwise, if he had seen himself. He was blinking, playing with his lips and his fingers, his knee moved up and down as his right foot kept doing its thing. The most obvious sign for the not so the patient calmness was that Henry kept looking at his watch every few seconds always checking the clock in the office as well to make sure his own wasn't lying to him.

The cops didn't need long to find the house, where their criminals were supposed to be. They worked quiet. But weren't sure, if someone had heard the cars. They had talked about the plan before and were now ready to start. Just a minute for everyone to take a few deep breaths.

Evan was surrounded by darkness, it was even darker than earlier, he figured it was already late. But he couldn't care less, he had just suffered another beating not long ago. He had lost two teeth then and his left ear hurt. He was sure it was broken. But could ears break? Anyway, his was certainly broken and nobody would convince him that it wasn't possible. The beating had many blows at his face and his head included. He was so dizzy and the bad thing was that the dizziness didn't slow don. He had closed his eyes, opened them again and so on, but the world was still spinning around him. It had also made him sick again and he threw up. There wasn't much coming out though. They didn't really gave him enough to eat or drink. Just enough that he wouldn't die right away, but not enough to keep him alive for long.

Not long after the beating he had been drugged again. It had been bad. Unusually the drug had made his body weak first and messed with his mind. Losing memories, not knowing where he was or for that matter who he was. Thinking had been painful and every time he had thought that he had found an important detail, a new wave of fog washed everything away. After an endless torture the normal effect of the drug set in and he was caught in his worst nightmares again.

He heard cars outside and for a moment there was hope. He thought about Hank, that he was finally there to bring him home again. He tried to get up, fight those hallucinations, but his body was weak and his mind was out of order. Evan's head fell back again and was far gone. His breathing slowed down, when drops of blood left his mouth. His heart rate was dangerously high. He was running out of time fast. But that was just another thing Evan wasn't aware of.

The cops called for them. Eddie and Emily didn't know what to do. They were surprised, but there was nothing they could do now. They tried to leave the house through windows or the back doors, but there were too many of them. Eddie tried to stay calm and decided it was best to give up. So they walked to the door, yelled at the cops that they were coming outside.

There was a long silence. Nobody spoke a word. Nothing happened. The seconds passed. No movement. No noises. And then all of sudden everything happened fast. Eddie came out of the door, his hands up. Emily followed him. Hands on her side. One of the policemen was going to tell her to show them her hands, but she was faster. A gun came up and aimed to the cops. Not to anyone special, she just wanted to take one of them with her. She was too beautiful to go to jail. She was worth much more. She'd rather die. Several guns fired back and one hit Emily in her shoulder. The gun fell out of her hand, she fell on her knees and then on the floor.

Eddie went down beside her. Pressing his hand on the bleeding wound. Emily's eyes were looking for him. "My beautiful, darling, why?" She couldn't answer. Unconsciousness took her. Eddie couldn't believe it. Someone had hurt his loved girl. He aimed for the gun and tried to shoot the cop closest to him, but another shot fell and took him down, too. He ended up right beside his wife.

They had one ambulance with them, because Dr. Lawson had told them that his brother would need medical treatment. Those paramedics were waiting for a sign from the cops so they could start their work. They didn't have to wait long. The house was empty. But the policemen knew that the victim was kept in the basement.

They opened the door slowly and it made almost no noise. They went downstairs, guns ready to use. Okay there was no other criminal. Which was good. Their eyes scanned the room. The smell was bad and then, there it was...

The leader of the group took the phone and called the police station. Telling one of the boys to tell the paramedics to start now. Then to someone on the phone. "Tell Dr. Lawson, we have Eddie and Emily Lawson/Peck or whatever." He paused for a moment. "But his brother is gone!"


	37. Chapter 37

Dr. Lawson was still sitting and waiting for any news about his brother. Well, except when he was pacing the floor up and down. Using the restroom every few minutes without really needing to. It made him nervous that time went by so slowly, but he was relieved to see Detective Silver coming closer. That meant it was done! His brother was free and he could finally hold him in his arms and bring him home soon. He was so excited, didn't hear a word Silver said. Smiling.

The detective stopped talking. Looking strange at him. "Are you okay, Sir?"

That was the first time Hank realized that the man had stopped talking. The cop was obviously confused about his happiness. But hell, who wouldn't be happy to get his baby brother back after such a long time? Under such horrible circumstances? "Yes, I'm okay, why?"

"I got the impression that you didn't listen."

Caught. The man was right. Hank nodded. _Of course, he is. He's a cop. He has learned to read people._

"Let me start again then." The man took a deep breath. "Mr. Eddie and Mrs. Emily Lawson are caught. They are both in the hospital right now."

"Hospital? What happened?"

"All I know is that both of them were hurt in a shooting. Mrs. Lawson isn't hurt too bad. But your father is in serious condition. If you want to know more, we can call the hospital and.."

"No, don't need to know." He so didn't wanna know either. "What about my brother? Can I see Evan in the hospital?"

The cop looked down on the floor for a moment, it was obvious that he didn't feel comfortable in his situation right now.

"What? What is it?", Dr. Lawson asked. "Where is my brother? He's in the hospital, too, right? Would you mind bringing me there? Could you just stop cleaning the damn floor with your eyes and tell me about Evan!"

"No, he isn't in the hospital. He wasn't with them, when they were found. Well, he had been there earlier, in the basement, but he was gone and we don't know yet, where to look for him. We have to wait until the doctors let us talk to Mr. and Mrs. Lawson to ask questions."

Hank felt his legs giving in and sat down fast to stop himself from falling. His left hand wandered to his temple. His head was aching all of a sudden. He felt his world crashing again. It couldn't be true, just impossible. There was something wrong with the news, the cop had understood anything wrong. Evan had had to be there with Eddie. So many things went through his thoughts, but at the end there was only one thing he couldn't deny. His brother was still missing. Hopefully still alive. "So, what are you waiting for, why don't you just rush to the hospital and play your question-game? My brother was in bad shape when I have seen him last. And that was a couple of days ago! He needs help!"

"I understand, you're angry, but you also know how things are. You're a doctor yourself. We can't talk to them before the responsible doctors agree to it."

Yeah, Henry knew very well, but right now he wasn't acting as a doctor. He was a big brother that would do anything to save his sweet annoying baby brother. Tears filled his eyes and he tried to keep them from falling, he was angry and he wanted the cop to know it, but sadness and desperation were overwhelming. "We just have to find him before he..." He couldn't say the word. "Before it is too late."

"I know, I'm very sorry, Sir. Will you be okay, Dr. Lawson? Or do you want me to call our psychologist to talk to you for a bit?"

"No, I'll be okay, thank you." Hank was far away from okay, but there was nothing the detective or some therapist could do for him right now. Nobody could. His head in his hands, his elbows on his knees, his eyes closed and his tears falling silently. That's how he sat there for a very long time. He didn't notice the worried looks from the people around him and he wouldn't care about it anyway.

* * *

Aaron was thinking. He didn't want to sell the guy or at least not now. He wanted him for his own pleasure until he had finished the guy. It would mean less money, but it wouldn't be a problem for him. Money still wasn't his biggest goal. He tried to call Eddie to ask him for just one or two days with his prey before selling him to the man who had made the highest offer. But the old man didn't answer the phone. A stranger had answered and Aaron had hung up without hesitation, he knew that it could only be some cop and that meant his partners had been caught. He could worry about a way to free Eddie later. He couldn't let the man down, but for now there were other things to do.

It was his own decision how to go on. Should he go ahead and sell the guy, before the police would be able to get to him, too, or should he just keep the guy until he would get bored and sell him then? He wasn't so sure. He decided to rest for a bit and have his fun after that. There was still tomorrow and he might be able to decide then. Or the day after or another day later. Time would tell.

* * *

Eddie Lawson was lying in his hospital bed, waiting for a necessary surgery, that the doctors wouldn't perform before he had regained some more strength. He was thinking about his wife. Nobody had told him by now, if she was alive and how she was doing. It made him sad and angry about his son, no Evan wasn't his son as far as he was concerned, he was just a burden his first wife had had put on him back when he was young and charming. Just one of her tricks to keep him staying with her. Evan was the worst thing that had ever happened in his entire life.

Hank on the other hand was different. He was strong, intelligent, responsible, smart and brave. The perfect son. Eddie was so proud of him. He actually believed that it was his influence that made the kid such a good man. The only thing he didn't like or understood about Henry was the closeness he felt towards his younger brother. He was also pretty sure that his oldest son would forgive and be closer to him, when Evan wouldn't be around. He smiled at this thought. Aaron had brought him far away, the little bastard wouldn't be a problem anymore. Hank would soon think about everything and come to the conclusion that his father was all family he needed. That would be the moment, when he would tell him a secret that he had kept since Evan had been born. Henry would understand then, that his father had been right all along.

Whatever medicine they had given him, it made him sleepy and he fell asleep very soon, calm and smiling. Happy with himself.

* * *

Emily was bitching around. She argued with the nurses and the doctors. None of them didn't know how to do their jobs and she would know, because she was Dr. Emily Peck or Lawson, wasn't she? The best doctor there was. They would just have to ask her rich patients to know she told the truth.

She was just throwing all possible insults at a young nurse that came in to give her some painkiller through the IV, because she had been yelling for almost an hour now, that they wanted to let her suffer instead of giving her something for the pain. Truth to be told, she refused every medication they suggested, because it was the wrong one – because Dr. Emily Peck/Lawson would never give this or that meds to someone hurting.

If Evan had been there, he would have smiled. He had been right about the bitch since the first time he had seen her. Yeah, Emily was doing pretty good as far as the young nurse, Anna, could tell. She was a bitching bitch or a the impersonate evil. Yeah, that was probably it, Anna thought and closed her hand to a fist around the cross on her necklace, praying silently.

She was glad, when the doctor came in with another nurse. They had heard what was going on. Because we're talking about Emily here. Emily always made sure that she had all the attention on her and if she had to act like a bitch to do so, she would. Thinking about it, she never acted differently.

Anyway, the doctor came in and let her bitch as long as she wanted. He didn't listen to her, just listened to the nurses report. He then laid his annoyed and arrogant cold green eyes on his patient and said with a loud and steady voice: "Dr. Emily Lawson, as I see it you have two chances a) let nurse Anna give you the medicine and feel better and maybe less like annoying the whole staff and all patients or b) you feel good enough the way you are and I can tell the police to come in to finally ask all the questions they have for you. So what do you want me to do?"

It didn't take long and the painkiller made her sleepy. Everyone around sighed in relief. This patient was just taking too much time from the other more worse off patients. The doctor told the nurses to call the police and tell them to come to the hospital in two or three hours. The patient was well enough to do so. The nurses looked at each other and grinned.

* * *

Evan was delirious. Fever and the permanent drug abuse had done quite a number on his body. Of course, there had also been a lot of physical violence that didn't make things easier. Reality, hallucinations and feverish dreams got mixed as he slipped from consciousness to unconsciousness and back, without being aware of his surroundings or himself. His face and whole body were tensed and strained with the pure agony that ran up and down his body. Breathing was hard, because his nose felt awkward and breathing through the mouth hurt, because of the broken ribs.

That's why he didn't realize that Aaron was kneeling beside him. His eyes wandered along the victims legs up to his torso, his chest, around his neck and over his face. He was happy to see all the dried blood, bile, sick, pus, urine and feces. He pressed his hands on the bruises above the broken and cracked ribs and leaned on them with his whole weight. He was satisfied, when he heard more break and felt them shift.

The pain was too agonizing and even in his delirious state Evan felt all of it. He screamed until his throat hurt so bad that no sound came out of his mouth anymore. His eyes were red and hurt, caused by dry tears which again were caused by the lack of fluids going into his body. He didn't know it, but dehydration had already done some damage to his body inside and outside. There was no way he would last for very long, if things didn't change for him soon.

Aaron forced water down Evan's throat, far too much and too fast, but he didn't care. Evan had trouble breathing or swallowing as fast as the water came, but it wouldn't slow down until he struggled panicking to drown. His heart beat hard and fast against his chest. His lungs hurt even more than before. He felt strange, his heartbeat was so loud it hurt his ears. The beating slowed down, until he didn't hear it anymore and the struggling stopped instantly. His limp form under the criminals touch.

Aaron pulled the bottle away. He smiled, he would bring this boy back to life and then go ahead and torture him some more. To see the life in those eyes vanish had him really got excited. This was far better than sex. He just had to see more pain, fear in those eyes again, before he could let this person die all the way to the point of no return. That was the best idea he ever had.

He bent down, ready to bring Evan back. There was some torturing waiting for him.

* * *

In the meanwhile the policemen were busy. They were trying to track down the phone of the person that called or to find out more about him. One witness had told them about a young guy that he had seen with Dr. Emily Lawson. The woman had felt attracted to the guy and could describe him well enough for a good facial composite. They were pretty sure they would find him soon. Nobody told Dr. Henry Lawson about it, because they didn't want to get his hopes up, before they knew where or who the guy was. It might be that the woman would talk, when they got to talk to her at the hospital.


	38. Chapter 38

"Get your ears checked, Officer, I'm telling you the last time now! I am not telling you anything." Emily spoke with venom in her voice and the look she threw at him wasn't any better.

"It's Detective and I recommend you start talking about the third person in your little group. Dr. Henry Lawson is pretty sure that his bother needs medical treatment. It didn't happen much by now, but it could easily be murder, if we find him too late."

Emily laughed. "You got the impression I care?"

The detective was going to say something, but a new voice from behind stopped him. "Don't say anything, Emily."

"I wouldn't. They are just annoying, but not very convincing. Couldn't make me talk, if I was doped up. Glad you made it, Thomas."

The man smiled at her and then turned to the two detectives. His face was all business now. "I'm Thomas Wagner. Her lawyer. My client isn't talking to you any further. So you may just leave us alone so that I can talk to her in private. If we have to say something we will come back at you or the attorney."

The cops looked at each other. There wasn't much they could do. They told their goodbyes and left the room. Emily didn't reply she just waved them out with an annoyed gesture.

"So, Emily, tell me what happened. You asked for a lawyer for your husband as well? I brought someone with me for him, but tell me first about him and about the trouble you got yourself in."

She had tears in her eyes. "Oh Tom, I don't know how all of this could happen."

He took her into a tight hug. "Don't worry, girl, I'm gonna help you out of it. Stop crying, just tell Uncle Tommy what's wrong." He wasn't her uncle, well not really. Just an old friend of her father. His arms comforted her.

Emily didn't really need it, but she was glad she could make believe him so. Thomas Wagner was hard to convince and if her faked tears and desperation made it through him, she could do it to anyone. Thomas knew her since she was born, but he was a tough guy and it wouldn't mislead him, if she wasn't playing this well. And by all means she did damn good. "Tommy, this doctor broke my heart and it was all his brothers fault.. and they did some dirty talk about me and my medical skills to my patients and tried to ruin me. Eddie was just nice, he helped me, but I didn't know what was going to happen to Evan. Aaron helped, too. They both were so good to me, supported me, when everything started to fall apart in the Hamptons. That's why I did what I did. My parents will hate me, even you will hate me." And her tears kept falling, she even managed some sobs.

"Sh sh sh, no baby girl, nobody will hate you. I'm sure will figure out what happened and there is a way to help you, I'll help you."

Her face buried in his shoulder, a hand in front of her mouth so he couldn't see her smile. Things were going well and her game had just begun.

* * *

Eddie was hurting everywhere, like the bullet had gone through his whole body, what it hadn't had, of course. The doctors told him that there wasn't any improvement by now. They were still worried. He wondered, if it was worth living through this, when prison was waiting for him after this. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but Eddie wasn't exactly brave. If leaving a sick, dying wife hadn't been proof enough, the fear of the coming punishment would do the trick.

He missed Emily. Her blond hair that always smelled like a garden of apple trees. She was beautiful, like the woman he had loved so much, when Evan had been on his way to the world. Evan had been the reason he had stayed with his wife, when in reality his heart had been with a different woman. Emily wasn't the same sweet person as her, but she was great. She made him smile, laugh and just completed him in a strange way.

His thoughts wandered to his sons. He hoped everything would turn out the way it was meant to be. No matter, if he'd live or not. He rather wanted to die than rot away in a lonely cell with some real bad criminals around him. Because he didn't think of himself as a criminal. No, he actually thought that he had done what needed to be done. What was best for his oldest son, for Emily, Aaron and himself. He had done Hank a great favor. The kid just didn't appreciate it, yet.

So, maybe there was a reason to live. He could use the court room as his stage and explain Henry and everybody else, why he had done it and what good he had done. Yeah, Eddie Lawson had his way with words. He was sure, that he could reach everyone with them and hoped even his stubborn son, Henry, would be able to see what Eddie had been doing for him. In the end, Hank would thank him.

* * *

Hank finally gave in to the cops repeated offer to bring him some food. He finally gave in and ate, only because they made sense, when they told him he'd need his strength once his brother was found. So he sat and ate his second sandwich, drank his third coffee and a bottle of water. He was tired, and even more exhausted. They offered him a quite comfortable cell, where he could get some sleep or at least rest.

He brought his dishes to the small kitchen in the police station and went to the cell. There was a small bed. It wasn't like a normal bed, but it would do for now. It was better than sitting on a chair and resting his head on the table. Something he had done the last two days.

His thoughts were with Evan. His sweet annoying baby brother. The kid could really get on his nerves, but was also able to make him smile in an instant, just by being his special different self.

Henry didn't think he would be able to sleep, with the constant worry on his mind, but he hadn't laid down for longer than five minutes, when sleep took over and pulled him into a dreamless darkness.

* * *

Evan had trouble to keep his eyes open, partly because he didn't want to. He didn't want to see the combat boots that kept kicking in his ribs, his kidneys, everywhere. There was blood all over him and the floor. But the man wouldn't let him rest his eyes. No, he demanded that Evan kept them open. He should see the wounds that were inflicted on him.

A strong hand grabbed him by the throat and pulled him on his feet. The other was closed to a fist and aimed several times for his face. Blood running out of his mouth and his nose. He swallowed some of it, probably a tooth, too. Tears were running down his face, not many due to dehydration, but it was enough to make his torturer laugh at him. It was a mean sound. There was no sympathy for the victim.

The hands let go of him and he fell down on the floor again. He crawled away from his attacker, smeared his blood all over the place. The next kick hit him so hard in the side that he rolled through the half room right into the stair. The pain made him cry out. There was nothing else, only agony.

Nothing happened for a while and he wondered, if the guy was still there with him. He waited for another few seconds, that felt like eternity. His vision was blurred and blood kept dripping in his eyes. His body was broken, his spirit, too. All he wanted was to give up and die. But there was something stronger than his wishes. It was love and admiration for his big brother. Henry was a doctor, a grown and reasonable man, but he didn't laugh enough. No, the older Lawson would need him to make him smile, to bring some action and fun in his life. So no matter how hard it was, he had to try to get out of this prison.

It were only a few stairs, but it took him endless minutes to crawl up to the second. He didn't stop. Evan knew he would pass out, if he stopped once. He was already up at the last step, before he noticed that his attacker was standing there and waiting for him. "P'ease, lemme go, p'ease." Evan was pleading to the man, or better to his knee, there was no way he could make his body rise enough to look the guy in the eyes. "'ave money, big broth' pay, lemme go. No tellin', lemme go, beggin' ya. Will ya?"

One of the boots in front of him came in view. Crimson liquid was dropping from it. Evan needed a second to realize it's his blood. The boot left his view again for a short time and came back with full force. His nose finally broke, one of his cheek bones shattered loudly. Evan flew backwards, unconscious before he landed. His head made a terrible noise, when it crashed on the floor, before the rest of his battered body followed hard.

* * *

Aaron was satisfied with himself. He felt content. Beating this guy up made him feel better than he had his whole life. This spoiled ass stood for all that had gone wrong in his and his mothers life. Nobody could really blame him for hating the stupid kid. The boy wasn't much younger or older than him, but he was weak, a coward. The boy was nothing, he wasn't tough like him. So in Aaron' eyes, the man was just a kid. A scared SOB.

Yes, Aaron was happy with himself, when he went outside to do some shopping. He loved his new toy. He was thinking about ways to hurt the prey. Damn, it felt so good. He wished that moment would never pass.

A car with two men followed him slowly. They waited outside the big store, when he went in. Yes, that was the man on the picture they had seen. It was the guy they were looking for. He was wanted by the police in several states.

He came outside again, no bags with him. They followed him for a few minutes more. They were supposed to follow him to his hideout. But they were afraid to lose him. Plus, truth to be told, this guy seemed to be a pretty big fish and that was what both of them needed for their career. So why risk to lose him and let someone else get the commendation for this? They looked at each other and jumped out the car. It was easy. The guy didn't expect them and was on his knees and handcuffed in no time.

They informed the headquarter and congratulated themselves for the catch.


	39. Chapter 39

Evan felt nothing but pain. Pure agony filled his body and mind whenever he came somewhere close to consciousness, even semi-consciousness was too much for him. He tried to move. Not that he hoped to somehow make it out of his prison, no, he was far beyond this. He wasn't even sure, if he was still fighting to stay alive. But the thought that shifting a bit could ease some of his pains.

His body didn't respond to the orders his brain was giving. He felt disconnected with his limbs, but he was hurting too much. So that wasn't possible at all. It didn't take long and he lost consciousness again. Unconsciousness lasted longer with every time of passing out.

Evan didn't came back to awareness after this last attempt to move. He woke up now and then, but his mind had shut down. He was drifting in and out pain until he reached the point, where the agony didn't stop anymore, even in the deepest unconsciousness he could feel the pain.

* * *

"Okay, Aaron, I think it's time you start talking to us."

The young man just looked at him. Smiled. Didn't say a single word.

"You fuck-," -ing bastard he was gonna say, but knew it wouldn't help any. Sometimes, he hated to be a cop, he hated the rules he had to follow, the laws that protected the criminals and made it damn hard to let the cops do their job and protect the ones that really needed it; _the victims._

Okay, he needed to get out of the room for a minute to calm down again. He didn't want to use violence. No, that wasn't quite right. He wanted to use violence, but that wouldn't do him any good or his career for that matter.

He was just opening the door, when the friendly voice of the man behind him, stopped him. "Come again?"

"I. want. to. talk. to. the. doctor."

"You're not hurt, why would you need a doctor?"

"I said 'the' doctor. Evan's brother."

"No, that's not possible."

"I'll tell him where his brother is. If you don't allow it, he won't find him in time."

The urge to wipe this smile out of the relaxed face grew inside the cop. So he left the room without another word.

His boss an the attorney were waiting for him. They had watched the whole interview. Before he was able to voice his anger and disagreement the attorney said: "Ask Dr. Lawson, if he wants to talk to him."

"Are you crazy!? This guy will only play with the doctor and not tell him anything at all, you idiot!" The detective yelled at the older man.

"Watch your language, detective!" His boss stepped between the two.

There wasn't a chance for of them to discuss the subject any further.

"What is this about?" Hank asked. Nobody answered his question. "You talked about me, didn't you?"

The detective was the first that found his voice again. "He wants to talk to you. He said, he'd tell you where your brother is, but he just wants to play with your mind. I know guys like him."

* * *

Evan didn't remember how he got the phone in his hands or how he came to wherever he was right now. All he knew was agony and the fear to die alone. The fear to die without hearing the sound again, that had been his lifeline since he had been a little boy. God, he was scared like hell. His mind wasn't clear enough to make any conscious decisions, but his heart knew what he had to do.

That was the story how he looked through blurry eyes at the phone, before one of his bloody and probably broken fingers started to dial a number that he knew without actually thinking it.

* * *

Hank was still trying to convince the detective and his captain that he would talk to Aaron, if they just let him. He didn't succeed so far.

His jeans vibrated. It took him a second to realize that it wasn't his pocket, but his phone in there. But the now playing ring tone made him nervous. The caller was unknown. He didn't know who could possibly call him and he honestly wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone now, not before his brother was found, but he hoped the men in front of him would change their minds, when he gave them a minute to discuss the problem without him.

Hank answered the phone with a trembling hand. "Yes?"

* * *

For a while there was nothing, but then he could here his brother's voice. _Hank._ His lifeline, his protector and best friend.

"Yes?"

The only sound he was able to bring out was a painful groan. He was afraid Hank would hang up, if he didn't let him know that it was him.

But his brother surprised him. "Evan? Ev, is that you?"

Hank sounded strange. Like he was crying, but why would he cry? Evan was confused. Did his brother hurt, too?

"Evan? Please talk to me, kiddo."

"He-e-Hen- Eny?"

"Yes, Evan." He could hear tears. Yes, his big brother was crying. But he still didn't understand why. "Are you ok, Ev? Do you know where you are?"

"No tears."

He heard the sad laugh on the other side. Evan wanted to comfort his brother.

"I'll stop crying, when you're back with me. Promise."

"Hurts, Eny." Evan couldn't hide his pain any longer. It was more than he could take. He cried out, when a wave of agony shook his whole body. "Help!"

* * *

"Oh God, where are you Evan?" Hank felt a new level of desperation. His baby brother sounded awful, weak, exhausted, fighting for every breath and word. "Come on, man, I know you can make it. Tell me, where you are, Evan."

"Dunno. Pain. Hurts."

"I know, I'll come and stop the pain, okay?"

"So tired. Sleepy."

"No, please stay awake for me, just a little longer, okay?" Hank's legs gave in. He knelt down, trying to fight the feeling that he couldn't find his brother in time.

"Hurts, tired." Another groan, another cry in pain. Evan's voice was becoming weaker. "Sleep."

"No! Evan stay with me, I'll come get you."

"Love, Hank."

It sounded just too much like a goodby in his ears. He couldn't let that happen. If he'd tell him now, that he loved him too, he knew Evan would take it as an agreement to let go. Henry wasn't ready for that. "Listen to me, kiddo. You've got to wait for me. You have to dry my tears." That was mean, but he didn't know what else to say.

"Try."

"That's good, Evan. I'm so proud of you. I'll talk to someone who knows where you are, please stay on the phone and stay awake."

"Mmm."

Hank got on his feet. The captain had left to find out from where the call was coming. Henry told the attorney and the detective, that were waiting for any news, that he would go in now and that they couldn't stop him. The detective wanted to protest, but the attorney held him back.

Hank entered the room and sat down at the table. His eyes locked with Aaron'. "Where is my brother?"

"Ah, the doctor. Hank, right?"

"You know who I am, so tell me where my brother is."

"Not so fast, Henry. You have to be patient."

"Well, I lost my patience the moment Evan was taken away from me."

"Yes, that was kinda cool, wasn't it, doc?"

"Where is he?"

"I'm sure you want to do me a favor."

Henry took a deep breath before answering. "What do you want? Money?"

"Oh no, don't be silly. We already have all the money from your accounts."

That was a surprise. He honestly hadn't noticed that his money was missing, again. But right now, he couldn't care less. "Where is Evan?"

"Well, since you mention him. He gave us what we needed to get your money. Your little brother betrayed you again. But don't get too upset, I can assure you it wasn't easy to get any information from him. The worthless ass was pretty stubborn. He needed to learn some lessons, before he was ready to talk. Didn't think the bitch had it in him."

"SHUT UP!" Hank grabbed the man's shirt.

"Shut up? Really? Didn't you want to know where he is? Make up your mind, doc."

"Okay, what do you want?"

"Let me see; give me back, what your brother took from me."

"What could that be?"

"My childhood, the happy beautiful woman that my mother has been before I was born. The father that I missed for too many years. The life that I lost because of this selfish bastard!"

"He isn't older than you, why do you blame him?"

"Your slow, doc. Think about it, brother!" He spit the last word out.

Henry felt dizzy as he finally understood. "So Eddie is your father, huh?"

"Yeah! And it's your brothers fault that he didn't leave your mother, while my mother was pregnant with me."

"I'd say it's Eddie's fault. He ruined my life and most of all my brothers life and if you want to blame anyone than blame your damn father!"

"Sure, the little bastard had the good life and childhood that I had wanted for myself."

"Eddie never gave him a chance. He abused him mentally and physically. Hit the kid since he was a baby. Evan never had a childhood either."

Aaron didn't say anything for a while. While Hank was fighting sickness, they looked at each other. But then there was a noise on the phone. He almost forgot about Evan. "Hey kiddo, just stay with me, okay? I'm coming for you."

"Love you, Eny."

_No, not again. _"I know where you are, I'm there in no time, okay, kiddo?" He lied, he hated it, but he had no choice.

"Too much pain, so tired, sorry."

"NO! EVAN! STAY WITH ME!" He could tell that Evan was unconscious. That just had to be it. He couldn't be dead. Not Evan R. Lawson, CFO of HankMed. The pain in Henry's chest felt like his heart broke in thousand pieces.

"I tell you where your brother is, if the police let me see my father."

"I'm sure they won't. But how about another deal? You tell me where my brother is and I won't kill your fucking dad!"

"You wouldn't do that. His your father, too and you don't have it in you. You're not a killer. And you wouldn't survive in jail."

"If I lose my brother, there is nothing else left for me to live for. I'm sure you know what they say about people that have nothing to lose. See me like a wild animal, like a mother bear that protects her kids."

Aaron wasn't scared, even though he had reason looking in Henry's mad eyes and the cold look of his face. But he didn't want to risk his fathers life. "Come closer, brother."

Henry bent over and Aaron whispered the address in his ear. He got to the door and didn't turn around anymore. But when he left the room, he told Aaron loud to never again call him 'brother'.

Hank didn't wait for the other men that had watched the whole conversation. He just ran away. Determined to find his brother and not be too late. He put the phone to his mouth. "I dunno, if you hear me, Evan, but I'll be with you in a few minutes, just wait for me. Please don't leave me."

* * *

Evan didn't hear his brothers begging words. He didn't hear anything. He didn't move. There was no pain anymore. Every feeling had stopped. He was gone.

Someone, Hank, screamed his name. Knelt down beside him, felt for a pulse, looked for his breathing. The policemen that had followed his big brother waited for the ambulance. Strong hands pulled him up. Hank pulled him to his chest, held him tight to his own heart. Let his tears fall down on his brothers face, his lips kissing Evan's long hair. "Nonononononono, I love you, Evan, nononono."

The sirens were coming closer. Hank didn't hear them. He was in shock. The paramedics didn't get him away from Evan. They had to sedate Hank in order to get to the man he was holding so dearly in his arms.

* * *

I'm sorry this chapter took so long, but I hope that the story will be finished by the end of the year. Just the sound of it is funny, right? I wish all of you a merry christmas or holidays, if you have another religion and hope we all will be back together in the new year! Thank you for all the reviews.


	40. Chapter 40

**First, I'm sorry you had to wait this long and that my last chapters haven't been too good. But I had a lot of stress and somehow lost a bit connection to the story, but I promise to do better now with the last few chapters waiting. I don't know, if any of you have depressions, but mine are pretty bad even with four different anti-depressants. It just happens sometimes that I can't write or that I lose interest or focus. I tried to get my will to write back by writing a Person of Interest story and it helped a lot.**

**I hope you enjoy it, though it's short!**

* * *

Hank felt still sick from the sedative he had been given, but he was awake and his mind was clearing. A mild headache was forming around his temples. But he didn't complain. He'd feel better soon. The doctors had treated his head wound. He hadn't really taken care of it earlier, but in his defense, he had had to worry about more important things. His brother.

"Evan!"

His baby brother wasn't around him. He should have known after working in hospitals so many years. He'd just get a nurse and ask her about Evan, but then memory hit him. An image came up so fast that it hurt: His brother unresponsive, still and lifeless in his arms.

"No no no no!" It couldn't be true.

He got up too fast. His legs gave in for a moment, but he could catch his fall by holding on to the nightstand at his bedside. He had to be careful, but there was no time for a break. He had to get out of this room and find out about his brother. He was slowly, but it didn't take him long to find a nurse he could ask. She told him Evan was at the ICU, but she thought it'd be best if Hank went back to his room and wait for the doctor.

Dr. Henry Lawson looked at her as if she had lost her mind. Waiting for a doctor, while his younger brother was fighting for his life? _Ridiculous! _He felt tired and weak, but he was surprisingly fast at the ICU, where another nurse brought him to his brothers room.

He fought with himself, afraid of what he was going to see by entering and aware that he had to go in to be by his brothers side. It was a short fight, but it took some of his strength. He went into the room and just stood there.

Everything that he cared for, that made his life and that he loved was lying in the bed not to too far away from him, surrounded by machines. Hank knew all of those machines, what they did and why they were needed. But to see them so close to his brother, _connected_ to his brother, made him sick again. This image was just as wrong as it possibly could be. The funny, hyperactive Evan and all those horrible frightening machines – it didn't fit. It was like two different worlds, universes.

Evan was taller than his big brother, but right now he looked like an unhappy, hurt and abused little child. But 'right now' wasn't really the right word here; 'again' would be the better one. He was back to the poor child he had been for too many years in his life. It had been bad than. It was the same now, but this time something worse was added to the anyway serious situation. His life was at risk.

Henry was at his brothers side, held his hand, though he couldn't remember, when exactly he had taken the few steps to come to the bed. Evan was unconscious. Still unresponsive. His hands felt cold. He wasn't breathing on his own. His body looked like he had been to a violent battlefield. No, his body actually looked it was the battlefield.

"You have to wake up, Evan" Tears burnt in Henry's eyes. "Can't leave me like this. I told you I was coming for you, didn't I? But you didn't wait for me. You just had to have it your way, huh? Yeah, always doing as you want and not as I tell you to. You've been this way ever since I was responsible for you. Stubborn kid."

The nurse that had brought him to the room came in. "I know you want to be with your brother, but you should really go back to your room and wait for the doctor. He'll come and talk to you. And if you feel better you can come back and sit with him for a bit." She looked at Evan to signalize that 'him' was the unconscious patient.

"No! I'm fine, well fine enough. I can't leave, my place is here. Here, with him. I can't go and leave him alone. He needs me and I have to be here for him. I have to take care of him and protect him."

He was already talking more to himself than the nurse, that had left anyway. "Protect him, like I always have. Not always. I let him down too often lately." The tears were running freely now and he looked at his brother. "I let you down, Evan. I promised to make you my number one priority and for a while I forgot it. I failed. I failed you, kiddo. I'm so so sorry and I need you to wake up so I can tell and show you just how sorry I am. You need to give me a second chance – again. I'm such a jerk, how many second chances have you given me already? I don't know, Ev, but I do know that I didn't deserve any of it."

The CFO of HankMed was pale, far too thin. Hank could see and feel his bones. Bruises covered his body. He looked vulnerable, but what really got to Hank was his hair. It was gone. Shaved. Probably by a nurse. The hair that he had loved and admired on his little brother wasn't there anymore, probably thrown into a can with all the other trash, like it was just the same. Like it meant nothing to anyone. Henry guessed it would sound silly to tell anyone, but those hairs meant a lot to him. Because it was Evan's hair, the curly hair he admired so much.

Aaron was sitting in his cell around the time his oldest brother was sitting at his other brothers side. He was thinking. He wouldn't admit it and hadn't thouth it would really affect him the way it did, but well, it did. He wondered, if everything the doctor had told him earlier about his father had been true. Or just parts of it? Probably nothing at all, but Aaron couldn't stop thinking. Doubts forming in his head.

But his lawyer was coming soon, the lawyer his father had sent him. A good one as far as he knew. Eddie wouldn't let him down. They were too alike, they loved each other. So why did he even consider the other man's words about his dad? He didn't know. It was silly. He could trust his father. Dr. Lawson was just a rich ass and the other bitch was just... he looked at his dirty fingers. The youngest Lawson wasn't even worth the dirt under his fingernails.

Dr. Henry Lawson understood everything the doctor told him. But he didn't comprehend it. The doctors words were like a background noise that you don't hear anymore after a while. He heard them, probably saved them somewhere in his brain, but he couldn't focus on them. All he needed to know was that his brothers had gone through surgery. That he went through it fine, but they didn't know, if he would live.

But there was something growing in Hank, slowly and not recognized, yet. Hope was coming back. Because Evan was still there, he didn't die and he made it through surgery without any complications.


	41. Chapter 41

**Okay, my lovely readers and reviewers, here is another chapter. I will probably write one or two more. Since you probably know that I'm best with psychological subjects (as seen in the first couple of chapters), I'm going to write a sequel to this story that will tell us about how things are going on for Evan and Hank, their struggeling and Evan's fight to find his way back to a somewhat normal life. We will also learn more about the trial that is waiting for Eddie, Emily and Aaron. I'm sure it will be a good story and I also believe that it will be much better than this one. Especially if I give myself a few weeks break, but don't worry: The break won't take too long, because I want to know how things go on as much as you:)  
**

* * *

Hank left his brothers room to talk to the officers outside. They didn't want to tell him what his father, his 'so-not-brother' and his ex had told them. They told him, they weren't allowed to give him any details. The attorney would want to talk to him soon. They said, they also needed to talk Evan.

"You can't talk to him, he just came out of this long torture and went through a difficult surgery yesterday." Henry felt very protective over his brother. But he had to, he had failed before and it had led to a disaster. He wasn't going to make this mistake again. But he tried to calm down, the cops were just doing their jobs. "Listen, he's still unconscious. We don't know, when he's going to wake up. When he does, we'll see how he's doing and if he'll be able to talk to you."

"Well, we can't talk to him anyway while he's unconscious and his doctor already told us the same. Thank you, Dr. Lawson. And... we can't tell you much about the things we found out by now and such, but you can be sure that all three attackers will go to jail for a long time. The attorney and we are doing all we can to make sure of that. But it's gonna be long time before everything's over."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Hank was a bit disappointed over the last words. It had never occurred to him before. But now... His brother had suffered horrible things that he still didn't know all about and he just wished things would be over soon, so Evan could start his life again. But would it be that easy? Whatever the younger Lawson had gone through, how could Henry possibly believe that his brother was going to be the same old again, just so as nothing had happened? Evan wasn't weak, he had proved to be much stronger than Hank in a lot of situations in their past, but this wouldn't be easy on him.

Back at Evan's room his doctor was there. "Dr. Lawson, do you remember anything I told you about your brothers condition yesterday?"

"Honestly, not much. Just that he went through surgery fine. I think you said he had several broken ribs and one had punctured his lung. You also told me that he has a severe concussion, a broken wrist and several broken bones in his leg and too many painful and serious bruises. You also said there was some damage to his spine, but that physical therapy will most likely help with that."

"Well, that's good so far. But there is something else..."

"What is it?" Henry was tense now.

"His kidneys, he didn't have enough fluids, his kidneys aren't working well and one problem more is that we have found so many signs of bruising around them, that there is a chance of permanently damage to at least one of them. We're even afraid of a kidney failure."

"Okay, but he can still live with one, so that isn't a problem.." He tried to ignore the urge to throw up or run to his father and beat him to death.

"Yes, you're right, Dr. Lawson, but I'm afraid that his other kidney could be too damaged to work for two."

"Okay, okay, but right now... they are still working, right?"

"Well, yes, but you should be warned. And there are still drugs in his system that we can't figure out this fast. He's liver is damaged as well. There also several little cuts and injuries. I don't know, if he's gonna be okay. I just wanted you to know that."

"Thank you for talking to me, but I just know he'll make it." Hank felt fear squeeze his heart. _You just have to be OK, I believe in you, kiddo._

The attorney and two detectives were talking to Emily in her room. She was feeling much better already and showed herself as innocence in person. She smiled as sweet as she could, started crying at the right times and told them over and over again, how sorry she was that she hadn't stopped her husbands youngest son, who had acted crazy for so long.

"Eddie and I didn't know what to do to stop him and then everything happened so fast. We were scared, he's mad at us, when we tried to reason with him. Yes, we made mistakes, too, but we were too far in it and were afraid that nobody was going to believe us. And we had reason to believe so, because I can tell none of you believes me." She pressed some more tears out of her eyes. And at least one of the men interviewing her, felt very sorry for this beautiful woman.

When the men left the detective looked her in the eyes, smiled at her – trying to cheer her up. Emily smiled back and looked at him like he was her hero. And it worked, the man felt good and mouthed to her that he'll come back soon. Her smile changed into a grin as soon as the door was closed. She still had it in her.

Eddie R. told the three men a totally different story. His son Evan had been drinking for a while and at some point alcohol hadn't been enough for him anymore and he started experimenting with different drugs and medications. The young man had stolen them from his brother or Emily and had bought some from dealers. He painted a picture of Evan that made all his fault, let him look like a drunken, drugged violent person that had made their life unbearable. He admitted that he had failed as a father, but was mostly sorry that he had failed his oldest son Henry.

The youngest Lawson son was telling them a third version that was close to his fathers, but added that Evan had come to his father house and had wanted to stay there, because his brother Hank had thrown him out. He had been insulting and violent since he had come to them. They had tried to get away from him, but he hadn't stopped following them.

Henry didn't know anything about those lies while he was sitting, watching Evan and holding his still cold hand. The doctors words were haunting him. He couldn't stop thinking about the worst case scenario, but he couldn't think about it either. His faith was shaken again.


	42. Chapter 42

Hank was reading a medical journal, honestly to distract himself, but not really successful with it, because he couldn't keep his eyes nor his mind away from Evan longer than a minute at the most.

After laying the magazine on the nightstand, he didn't have to wait long for Evan to wake up. It wasn't for a long time though, barely a minute or two, but he had looked at Henry and actually recognized him, that always was a good sign with a concussion.

"Evan, you're awake?" Hank was hovering over him and pressed the nurse button. "Just stay calm. I'm here. You're safe. Everything's gonna be okay." He caressed his little brothers face, saw the rising pain in his eyes and features and called the nurse again. "It's okay, Ev, relax. They will help you with the pain."

It took another thirty seconds for the nurse to come and a few more to make her realizing what was wrong and to get her to work. Evan was already in pure agony, that finally left him unconscious, before the pain killer was running through his veins.

Dr. Henry Lawson was distressed. "Why didn't you come earlier?"

The nurse jumped by his loud tone, but got herself under control again. "I had other things to take care of."

"More important things?"

"Yes", she stopped herself knowing that this was the wrongest and most dangerous answer to give in such a precarious situation. Her head was red and hot, she was embarrassed and more than nervous.

"Yes?!" Hank yelled at her.

"No, no, of course not, Sir." She was trying to find a way out of this situation. "I was just doing something that was almost finished..."

"And you decided to take the time to get it done, while one of your patients here could be dying, because you came a few seconds or maybe a minute too late?" Hank talked himself in more and more rage, forgetting that he was in a hospital, standing in a room with his very badly injured little brother.

Before he could start again or let the nurse answer, Evan's doctor came in. "What the hell is going on in here?" He looked at the patient first, then to his brother and to the nurse that was still trying to bore holes into the floor. "Macy, I want you to leave the room and go back to your work."

"Yes, doctor." She was afraid, that there could be consequences for her, but quite relieved that she could finally leave the room. She was shaking everywhere.

"Dr. Lawson, I know you're worried about your brother, but I can not and will not allow you to ever yell at any of the medical staff here. They are all trying to-"

"Do their best? Well, I might remind you that we are at the ICU, people here are fighting for their very lives, are they supposed to wait for treatment in an emergency?"

"Okay, I can see that she probably did something that upset you and I promise I'll talk to her about it, but you have to calm down and tell me what happened, okay?"

"Yes, I guess you're right." He gave the man a brief report about it and looked at his brother again. He sat down on the chair beside him, leaving as little space between them as possible. Ignoring the other physician in the room, he held the pale young mans hand, pressed his lips softly the back of it, rubbed his thumb over it. His eyes watering, he remained still for a few moments, before finally talking again, without taking his eyes of his brothers still form. "I'm sorry, I probably overreacted. I'll apologize to her later. I was just shocked by his pain and that he couldn't find some peace, before... before drifting."

"I understand your situation, Dr. Lawson. You don't have to apologize to her. I'll tell her you were sorry for being this harsh. But she also has to know, that she can't ignore the call through a nurse button – not at this unit anyway." He was ready to leave, but stopped with his hand on the doorknob.

"There's a reason I came here in the first place. The specialist said your brothers leg will most likely heal without any permanent damage. It will just take a lot of rest and a good deal of time and therapy. Same with his wrist."

"Really?" Henry felt happy enough to give his colleague a genuine smile. Even though he knew it wouldn't be easy to convince his baby brother to stay put, he had learned some techniques over the years that would always do it.

"He is also recovering well from the surgery and I think we can cautiously say that his lungs will heal perfectly. Now, our last problems are the concussion and the kidneys, his liver and of course, there are still the drugs and alcohol that were forced into him for a while. Though there are good news about that, too. We will know soon, what they were and will be able to help him better with that. It's still a long way for him to be out o the woods. But you're brother seems to be a fighter, he's obviously stronger than he looks like."

Hank squeezed Evan's hand. "You're right, he is!" _And I'm so damn proud of you, Evan. I'll never gave you enough credit, but from now on, I'll never fail to tell you how much you mean to me and just how proud I really am to call you my brother._

And Henry did as he said more often than their whole entire life in the next couple of weeks with his brother in the hospital.

Evan was getting better by the day. One of his kidneys failed and left him fighting for his life again, but after removing it the remaining one unexpectedly covered up fast and well. His liver was damaged permanently, but with a supply of medications, he was most likely not going to be disturbed in his daily life.

After Evan had been stable for a week, they had arranged everything to have him transferred to the Hampton' Heritage. Henry was pretty soon caught up in his work, but never failed to visit his brother at least twice a day. And after another week, he was happily bringing him home again. The broken leg didn't heal as fast as the doctor had expected, but he knew patience was all that was important there. If Evan was frustrated by it, he didn't voice it.

All together Evan was quiet. Didn't say much, what Henry never noticed, and even if he did, he blamed it to the constant pain, exhaustion and the strong painkiller. Hank himself was too busy talking to his little brother about everything and anyone. Telling him all the things that Evan R. Lawson had longed for, for too many years, to hear from their father and yes, sometimes from his brother. He smiled or thanked Hank, but the truth was it didn't do anything to him.

Yes, he was quiet and often very dizzy, his mind foggy, his body shattered and hurting everywhere. But that wasn't all that was going on inside him. Evan R. Lawson was gone, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find his way back. He was empty inside, yet, so full with an agony that wasn't physically. He knew Henry meant well with his mother-hen-mode, but he couldn't care less. One day his brother would find out, but Evan didn't know if it would matter anymore.

Something was very wrong, unnoticed by those, not only Henry who was probably too close to realize, that knew him. But that is another story to tell.

* * *

**Okay, that's it. I finished this story. Even if you may not have liked all of it, I would be glad to meet you all again, when I publish the sequel that is working on Evan's mentally problems, the hard long way for Hank and his brother through the trial that will reveal more than Henry bargained for about the horror his brother had gone through in his time missing. We will also learn, how or if Evan is going to get back to his old self again or even lose his whole will to fight/live.**

I thank you for all the reviews and I'm glad, if you followed me through the good and the not so well written chapters. For now, I'm just glad that I finished my very first fanfic on here. And I'm looking forward to work on the sequel, because I'm no stranger to mental disorders or depressions, and even before I knew that I was already living with them, I had a very strong desire to learn and read about everything concerning psychology - and I guess that's what I'm best in, writing about the human beings and their feelings, their devestation and their worst inner fights and fears.

**Until we read us again, I wish the very best for all of you.**


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